MARRIAGE AND AGE DIFFERENCE..

[Nelly Kim]

 I've been having this experience lately, Younger brothers asking me out.. They are so determined to prove age is just a number... There's this kid in particular that is way younger than I am, he is just 18, an architect and quite successful.. He has striking good looks and comes from a wealthy family and thinks he's old enough to marry... He's been bothering me since he was 17. He goes about telling family and friends that he'll marry me...  I find him very attractive but No, I'm not considering it .... But it got me thinking.. As a Sister, will you say yes to someone 10 younger than you? Or as a Brother will you go for someone Older if you are attracted to them? Does age difference really matter? 

[carlos]

A considerable age difference present some challenges, but so do other factors such as differences in culture, social class, language, upbringing, and yet we see successful marriages despite all those challenges. For a sister it may be harder to accept the headship of a younger man, especially if he insists in doing things in a way that the sister, by her experience, knows is unwise. But if both are willing to apply Bible principles, that can be overcome.

 

In the Bible we find some couples where the age difference was huge and yet they were succesful. Jacob was 84 when he married Rachel, and she was young enough to have two children, so the age difference between them must have been of 50 or 60 years.

 

However, the problem I see in the situation above, rather than the difference in age, is that 18 seems a very young age to get married, at least in the part of the world where I live. The Bible warns it's better to wait a bit. An 18 yo brother still has much to mature, emotionally and spiritually.

[JennyM]

1 hour ago, carlos said:

However, the problem I see in the situation above, rather than the difference in age, is that 18 seems a very young age to get married, at least in the part of the world where I live. The Bible warns it's better to wait a bit. An 18 yo brother still has much to mature, emotionally and spiritually.

Theres even  a belief that man never get mature... In my culture, we say that men have no expiration when it comes to sexual desire... 

But Im astounded to the mature men in the congregation. 

[Dustparticle]

Basically there is no scriptural answer to this. Daniel Sydlik who was a member of the GB was at least 25 years older than his wife.

[JennyM]

1 hour ago, Dustparticle said:

Basically there is no scriptural answer to this. Daniel Sydlik who was a member of the GB was at least 25 years older than his wife.

Maybe because Adam was made first before Eve..  

[Nelly Kim]

50 minutes ago, JennyM said:

Maybe because Adam was made first before Eve..  

This is true...  So naturally, we accept it if the man is much Older. But it's harder to stomach if the woman is the older one.

[Nelly Kim]

2 hours ago, carlos said:

A considerable age difference present some challenges, but so do other factors such as differences in culture, social class, language, upbringing, and yet we see successful marriages despite all those challenges. For a sister it may be harder to accept the headship of a younger man, especially if he insists in doing things in a way that the sister, by her experience, knows is unwise. But if both are willing to apply Bible principles, that can be overcome.

 

In the Bible we find some couples where the age difference was huge and yet they were succesful. Jacob was 84 when he married Rachel, and she was young enough to have two children, so the age difference between them must have been of 50 or 60 years.

 

However, the problem I see in the situation above, rather than the difference in age, is that 18 seems a very young age to get married, at least in the part of the world where I live. The Bible warns it's better to wait a bit. An 18 yo brother still has much to mature, emotionally and spiritually.

Yes indeed ... Besides, like I always tell him, there is plenty to do in Jehovah's service... With his talents, he could go places ...  He still has much to offer to Jehovah... Besides, 10 years from now, he could mature into a different person.. And regret the choices he made now.. 

[Amygdala]

I know a couple here in the f/t service and she is 20 years older than her husband. He was in his 20's when they married, and they look really good together imo.

 

When I was 28, we were hanging out on the lake with a few of us. A 16 year old brother was also part of the group, and after some fun laughter and chat, he asked me at some point if I would wait for him.  😮 I knew that he wasn't ready, even though he was "mature" for his age, but for me at 28, that was just too young.

 

If your interested person were maybe 5 years older (give or take 1-2 years plus/minus), I wouldn't see a problem with it, but you would want to see if he is ready in other areas, too, that might not necessarily be age-related.

Edited December 22, 2020 by Lieblingskind

[Nelly Kim]

3 minutes ago, Lieblingskind said:

I know a couple here in the f/t service and she is 20 years older than her husband. He was in his 20's when they married, and they look really good together imo.

 

 😮

Really? Wow!!! That's unique and beautiful!!! 

[Nelly Kim]

7 minutes ago, Lieblingskind said:

 

If your interested person were maybe 5 years older (give or take 1-2 years plus/minus), I wouldn't see a problem with it, but you would want to see if he is ready in other areas, too, that might not necessarily be age-related.

Yaaaa... A few years older would've been much better. 

[Amygdala]

I think it's nice to also be able to relate to generation commonalities, like music or mainstream cultural norms, that might not have one person necessarily wondering what their mate means - but for some that isn't a huge issue. I would wonder if my mate could relate better to someone in his age group if he was significantly older or younger than me if there was a huge age gap. My husband and I are just one year apart, me being older.

 

I also know a couple where the wife was older and was ready to have kids, but her husband wasn't just there yet and didn't want the responsibility. Eventually he felt ready, but it was too late for her. Of course, if there is no wish for children because a couple want to be in full-time service or simply have no desire, then that is not even important.

[Tortuga]

4 hours ago, Nelly Michael said:

They are so determined to prove age is just a number...

You might consider how much difference the ages will make a 100 years from now, 500, 1000...

 

Age is just a number if you are together forever..

[Amygdala]

8 minutes ago, Lieblingskind said:

I would wonder if my mate could relate better to someone in his age group if he was significantly older or younger than me if there was a huge age gap.

An example I can think of is Prince Charles.

[Dane Rí Rua]

My wife is 8 years older than me,she started liking me when I was about 23 but I felt I wasnt ready to marry her and I did feel the age difference was an issue at that stage,but a couple of years later we did go out and were happily married now with 2 kids,but I still had to do alot of maturing within the marriage and we have both changed in the last few years but the fundamental things that attracted me to her and vica versa are still there 

[JennyM]

2 hours ago, Nelly Michael said:

This is true...  So naturally, we accept it if the man is much Older. But it's harder to stomach if the woman is the older one.

Because I think women think more reasonable.. When I was 30, you know when youre 30 you still look good, I had a 17 year old admirer. .. 

When I was 32, a 22 year good looking brother had liked me... But I felt insecure  that I  will get  and look older than these brothers. and the maturity too.. 5 years gap is find for me.. 

 

But most men, always hunting for younger women  ever since the world begun... ..... I think its for procreation issue. 

In Malachi, some Israelites left their older wives to marry younger. 

[Nelly Kim]

3 hours ago, Lieblingskind said:

An example I can think of is Prince Charles.

Yes.. That was a serious case of generational gap..Its caused serious problems, mostly for princess Diana...  

[Nelly Kim]

2 hours ago, JennyM said:

But I felt insecure  that I  will get  and look older than these brothers. and the maturity too.. 5 years gap is find for me.. 

 

 

This is a very good point to consider... A serious one... Imagine going out with your husband, and get asked in front of your him " is he your Younger Brother? " ( laughing) I'll feel embarrassed. But with a good Gene, some can get away with it. 

[Nelly Kim]

3 hours ago, Dane Rí Rua said:

My wife is 8 years older than me,she started liking me when I was about 23 but I felt I wasnt ready to marry her and I did feel the age difference was an issue at that stage,but a couple of years later we did go out and were happily married now with 2 kids,but I still had to do alot of maturing within the marriage and we have both changed in the last few years but the fundamental things that attracted me to her and vica versa are still there 

This is sooo Beautiful!!! 

[Sister Twister]

7 hours ago, carlos said:

A considerable age difference present some challenges, but so do other factors such as differences in culture, social class, language, upbringing, and yet we see successful marriages despite all those challenges. For a sister it may be harder to accept the headship of a younger man, especially if he insists in doing things in a way that the sister, by her experience, knows is unwise. But if both are willing to apply Bible principles, that can be overcome.

 

In the Bible we find some couples where the age difference was huge and yet they were succesful. Jacob was 84 when he married Rachel, and she was young enough to have two children, so the age difference between them must have been of 50 or 60 years.

 

However, the problem I see in the situation above, rather than the difference in age, is that 18 seems a very young age to get married, at least in the part of the world where I live. The Bible warns it's better to wait a bit. An 18 yo brother still has much to mature, emotionally and spiritually.

Its funny how age to marry varies in different parts of the world and even different parts of a country. Where I live it seems its usual to get married very young , my own children were 18, 19 and 20 and I was married at 20 only 50 miles down the road in North London we have family who are very shocked how young many get married in this area as in the congregations there its usual to be around 30 .

 

It is so true what you say the the success is on how they stick to Jehovahs guidelines and have him as the third cord .

[Sister Twister]

3 hours ago, Dane Rí Rua said:

My wife is 8 years older than me,she started liking me when I was about 23 but I felt I wasnt ready to marry her and I did feel the age difference was an issue at that stage,but a couple of years later we did go out and were happily married now with 2 kids,but I still had to do alot of maturing within the marriage and we have both changed in the last few years but the fundamental things that attracted me to her and vica versa are still there 

How lovely

[Sister Twister]

3 hours ago, Lieblingskind said:

An example I can think of is Prince Charles.

EWWWWW

[Sister Twister]

3 hours ago, Tortuga said:

You might consider how much difference the ages will make a 100 years from now, 500, 1000...

 

Age is just a number if you are together forever..

Thats a nice thought my husband died 4 years ago at 49 and a year ago I had some serious insecurities thinking I am getting older and older and he died looking young and beautiful , so your comment really puts it into context.

[Sister Twister]

8 hours ago, Nelly Michael said:

 I've been having this experience lately, Younger brothers asking me out.. They are so determined to prove age is just a number... There's this kid in particular that is way younger than I am, he is just 18, an architect and quite successful.. He has striking good looks and comes from a wealthy family and thinks he's old enough to marry... He's been bothering me since he was 17. He goes about telling family and friends that he'll marry me...  I find him very attractive but No, I'm not considering it .... But it got me thinking.. As a Sister, will you say yes to someone 10 younger than you? Or as a Brother will you go for someone Older if you are attracted to them? Does age difference really matter? 

I do know of a brother is 15 years younger then his wife , when they got together we were all shocked and felt it was a mistake , they have been married 30 years he matured and she was patient and respectful in the early years ! he is an elder they both pioneer and to be honest to look at them you wouldn't know there was an age difference .

[AH173]

Only thing I know is that in 1989 I was 20 year old young man 3 years in the truth and my wife was 26 year old Pioneer raised around the truth from childhood and a hairstylist for profession. And now 31 years later......... 

Edited December 22, 2020 by AH173

[New World Explorer]

9 hours ago, Nelly Michael said:

 I've been having this experience lately, Younger brothers asking me out.. They are so determined to prove age is just a number... There's this kid in particular that is way younger than I am, he is just 18, an architect and quite successful.. He has striking good looks and comes from a wealthy family and thinks he's old enough to marry... He's been bothering me since he was 17. He goes about telling family and friends that he'll marry me...  I find him very attractive but No, I'm not considering it .... But it got me thinking.. As a Sister, will you say yes to someone 10 younger than you? Or as a Brother will you go for someone Older if you are attracted to them? Does age difference really matter? 

I know few marriages where there is considerable age difference (brother younger) and they are fine and happy,  but they are spiritually oriented brothers and sisters trying to apply Bible principles. 
Successful marriage depends on 3 fold cord, not age difference. 
 

But hey.... 18 is bit young in my opinion ...I would not hurry. 
How is he doing in the congregation? Reaching out or too busy with his secular employment?