Young Brothers/Sisters in the US and Canada, how do y'all do it?

[Pau19]

I live in the US and I'm just curious, unmarried young brothers and sisters between the ages of 20 to about 30 that live in the US and Canada, how do y'all find your marriage partners? 😂 👀 
Lol I've had a lot of friends complain to me that they sometimes find it challenging to find a baptized brother or sister to marry within the congregation or even at assemblies/conventions. Some of them complained that they usually don't have a lot of people around their age in the congregation or in the circuit. They often navigate through emotions and thoughts, while ardently praying and waiting for Jehovah’s guidance to find a partner who shares the same devotion and values.

Is this a thing where you live? and people that are married, how did you do it? Just curious 😅

Edited October 9, 2023 by Pau19

[trottigy]

 

This is obviously a big question/ issue for many. I loved how the Slave helped a little with it.

 

Do you remember the video "True Love" - https://www.jw.org/en/library/videos/what-is-true-love/movie/

 

It seems one of the good ways to meet someone is to join your local LDC and enjoy the work. There will likely be a good possible mate there.

[Sete]

1 hour ago, Pau19 said:

I live in the US and I'm just curious, unmarried young brothers and sisters between the ages of 20 to about 30 that live in the US and Canada, how do y'all find your marriage partners? 😂 👀 
Lol I've had a lot of friends complain to me that they sometimes find it challenging to find a baptized brother or sister to marry within the congregation or even at assemblies/conventions. Some of them complained that they usually don't have a lot of people around their age in the congregation or in the circuit. They often navigate through emotions and thoughts, while ardently praying and waiting for Jehovah’s guidance to find a partner who shares the same devotion and values.

Is this a thing where you live? and people that are married, how did you do it? Just curious 😅

I'm not from US/CAN but some brothers come here (Brasil) to look for women. My kingdom hall has possibly already "exported" around 10 sisters to the US. I think it's reasonable, there's a bit of a culture clash, but the brothers who married the sisters here seem happy.

[Sete]

In any case, if a sister were to do this, I don't know how I would proceed. I don't know of any case of a sister coming to Brazil to find her husband, perhaps sisters who travel in search of love prefer other countries.

[Brandon]

Baby boomers don’t know how easy they had it, this whole giant group of same-age peers. Welcome to post-industrialized nations I guess

 

https://www.census.gov/dataviz/visualizations/055/

[1MKnight]

The is a complex question. There could be a literal drought of acceptable partners, or they could be blinded by unrealistically high standards. 
 

I had a pretty strict set of qualifications, but these weren’t cultural or physics restrictions, just goal oriented ones. If they didn’t have the same goals as me and hadn’t done anything to show they were pursuing them, I wrote them off as non eligible in my mind. 
 

That being said, I know others who also have a pretty strict list, but it far more specific than mine and has a lot more superficial qualifiers like “he can’t br shorter than me” etc. Because of that, they’ve passed on quite a few really good, really spiritual guys. I genuinely don’t know if they’ll ever get married in this system, which is a frustration for them. 
 

my point being: having standards is good, especially goal/spiritual oriented standards. But, being overly picky about other things can prevent one from seeing good potential spouses. 
 

as to where to find them? I started dating my wife because we both pioneered together, but we’re inThe same  congregation. However, we made friends with people in many other congregations near and far and invited them out in long service days as well, this way we all got to know a wider variety of people. The goal wasn’t dating (not in my mind anyways), just making friends and having fun. But this incidentally introduced single people, some of which dates (or at least pre-dated). A huge component to finding more people socially or romantically is being more social and making strong friendships. As your social circle expands your likelihood of meeting someone you’re interested in expands. 

[Pau19]

3 hours ago, Sete said:

In any case, if a sister were to do this, I don't know how I would proceed. I don't know of any case of a sister coming to Brazil to find her husband, perhaps sisters who travel in search of love prefer other countries.

Lol that's the thing. not many sisters will get up and go to Brazil. what if they don't find anyone there? unless you already know the brother before you go down there but where will you meet him before at first before you go to Brazil? Lol

Edited October 9, 2023 by Pau19

[Pau19]

1 hour ago, 1MKnight said:

The is a complex question. There could be a literal drought of acceptable partners, or they could be blinded by unrealistically high standards. 
 

I had a pretty strict set of qualifications, but these weren’t cultural or physics restrictions, just goal oriented ones. If they didn’t have the same goals as me and hadn’t done anything to show they were pursuing them, I wrote them off as non eligible in my mind. 
 

That being said, I know others who also have a pretty strict list, but it far more specific than mine and has a lot more superficial qualifiers like “he can’t br shorter than me” etc. Because of that, they’ve passed on quite a few really good, really spiritual guys. I genuinely don’t know if they’ll ever get married in this system, which is a frustration for them. 
 

my point being: having standards is good, especially goal/spiritual oriented standards. But, being overly picky about other things can prevent one from seeing good potential spouses. 
 

as to where to find them? I started dating my wife because we both pioneered together, but we’re inThe same  congregation. However, we made friends with people in many other congregations near and far and invited them out in long service days as well, this way we all got to know a wider variety of people. The goal wasn’t dating (not in my mind anyways), just making friends and having fun. But this incidentally introduced single people, some of which dates (or at least pre-dated). A huge component to finding more people socially or romantically is being more social and making strong friendships. As your social circle expands your likelihood of meeting someone you’re interested in expands. 

Great point! I say this all the time. If you looking for spiritual guys, don't say "oh he has to be 6ft and above" or "oh he has to make six figures" 😂  If you do, then you are limiting your options.

Edited October 9, 2023 by Pau19

[Sete]

51 minutes ago, Pau19 said:

Lol that's the thing. not many sisters will get up and go to Brazil. what if they don't find anyone there? unless you already know the brother before you go down there but where will you meet him before at first before you go to Brazil? Lol

I find this very difficult, foreigners are very rare here, so at least the sister would receive a lot of attention, and possibly many would be interested in her. But I'm not going to lie, If I were a sister, I would only come to somewhere if something was already in progress. Or I would, I don't know, I don't know the sisters' minds, they always surprise me.

[Sete]

On 10/9/2023 at 4:17 PM, 1MKnight said:

The is a complex question. There could be a literal drought of acceptable partners, or they could be blinded by unrealistically high standards. 
 

I had a pretty strict set of qualifications, but these weren’t cultural or physics restrictions, just goal oriented ones. If they didn’t have the same goals as me and hadn’t done anything to show they were pursuing them, I wrote them off as non eligible in my mind. 
 

That being said, I know others who also have a pretty strict list, but it far more specific than mine and has a lot more superficial qualifiers like “he can’t br shorter than me” etc. Because of that, they’ve passed on quite a few really good, really spiritual guys. I genuinely don’t know if they’ll ever get married in this system, which is a frustration for them. 
 

my point being: having standards is good, especially goal/spiritual oriented standards. But, being overly picky about other things can prevent one from seeing good potential spouses. 
 

as to where to find them? I started dating my wife because we both pioneered together, but we’re inThe same  congregation. However, we made friends with people in many other congregations near and far and invited them out in long service days as well, this way we all got to know a wider variety of people. The goal wasn’t dating (not in my mind anyways), just making friends and having fun. But this incidentally introduced single people, some of which dates (or at least pre-dated). A huge component to finding more people socially or romantically is being more social and making strong friendships. As your social circle expands your likelihood of meeting someone you’re interested in expands. 

I came back just because I remembered a case. There's a brother in my congregation who, before getting married, once mentioned what was his standards. A while after he mentioned it, a sister who was exactly what he mentioned showed up visiting the congregation. I don't need to mention that today they're happily married. I think if the brother/sister is wanting, and looking, to get married, I think being reasonable and leaving the "type" aside is a good thing to do. If you keep your standards too high in the end you end up alone (most of the time). But if the brother is not in a hurry, every now and then these miracles happen. I, for example, know that I can wait as long as needed, so I still have these standards of what I would like. [Just so you know so I don't look like an idiot, my standards aren't unrealistic high standards, just difficult to find where I live]

[Witness1970]

I have been married for 51 years, so I don't have an answer here.  When I married I had a worldly attitude and did not consider standards.  

[Hope]

On 10/9/2023 at 8:48 AM, Pau19 said:

I live in the US and I'm just curious, unmarried young brothers and sisters between the ages of 20 to about 30 that live in the US and Canada, how do y'all find your marriage partners? 😂 👀 
Lol I've had a lot of friends complain to me that they sometimes find it challenging to find a baptized brother or sister to marry within the congregation or even at assemblies/conventions. Some of them complained that they usually don't have a lot of people around their age in the congregation or in the circuit. They often navigate through emotions and thoughts, while ardently praying and waiting for Jehovah’s guidance to find a partner who shares the same devotion and values.

Is this a thing where you live? and people that are married, how did you do it? Just curious 😅

It's impossible. I've been in the Truth 45 years. I'm 58 now, never married and have only dated one brother- and that was 30 years ago. 

 

If you haven't found someone by age 25 or so, might as well hang it up.

[BLEmom]

On 10/9/2023 at 5:40 PM, Sete said:

I find this very difficult, foreigners are very rare here, so at least the sister would receive a lot of attention, and possibly many would be interested in her. But I'm not going to lie, If I were a sister, I would only come to somewhere if something was already in progress. Or I would, I don't know, I don't know the sisters' minds, they always surprise me.

We surprise ourselves too 😂

[Qapla]

I know a sister who is 40 and just got married for the first time about a month ago - it is also the first marriage for her husband and he is a couple years older than her. They are both regular pioneers.

 

[Hope]

3 hours ago, Qapla said:

I know a sister who is 40 and just got married for the first time about a month ago - it is also the first marriage for her husband and he is a couple years older than her. They are both regular pioneers.

 

 

We know that it happens.  The "how" is the question.. 

[IcemanEli]

Not an easy question to answer, everyone has a different situation


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Amygdala]

On 10/9/2023 at 5:48 PM, Pau19 said:

Is this a thing where you live? and people that are married, how did you do it? Just curious 😅

 

What I’ve noticed is that it helps to seek out other singles, and who are in different congregations. Keep busy in spiritual activities with them, and or other events. Become good friends with other spiritually-minded singles. That not only builds a lasting friendship that surpasses singlehood, but gives opportunities to not be alone, or even find travel partners.

 

It’s happened where some have met their partners at conventions or assemblies, or LDC activities or theocratic schools but that is only a limited part or a few times out of the year. It’s usually a numbers game because your chances of finding someone among families or retiree couples congregations probably won’t be so high. You don’t have to be an extrovert type, either, just seek out a friend you trust and get invited to some activities with other singles. During the lockdown, many singles met by joining zoom ministry groups of their personal friends in other countries.  Bro/sis are being more patient and waiting to get married nowadays, either because of finishing schooling, or wanting to set some theocratic goals before marriage, so the number of available singles are still relatively good for 20-30 year olds. But I have known some in their 50’s in Canada and here in Germany who got married older in life, too. The couple here locally it was their first marriage. They met because he moved to the congregation to help out.

 

Most importantly, pray to find someone that can be a good spiritual head, or if a brother, a good spiritual partner, and keep your eyes open to possible people, not limiting yourself to a certain age or a certain criteria, etc. Because first impressions aren’t always right. I thought my husband was much younger than me when we first met. Not that it would have been a problem, but first impressions sometimes are not always right. Get to know the secret person of the heart. Plus there are articles on our website on dating that helps uncover that secret person of the heart when someone is considering a potential mate. Don’t be afraid to wait if something is not right, either. Finding the right person for you is like gold!! You will be surprised how fast the time went, too!

[Katty]

I met mine on here. However, I come from Louisiana, and something that seems like it should be an entirely bad aspect of Louisiana is that it's a very hurricane prone area, particularly New Orleans which is below sea level. Thus every few years there's a major storm that brings massive amounts of damage, and, subsequently loads of young brothers and sisters doing relief work. That's how a lot of people I know met their spouses. I know at least one who met her husband doing construction work at Bethel, as well as a few who met their spouse in a foreign language congregation, and some who met someone through friends of a friend, or at a wedding. 
None of that worked out for me, though, I struggled with finding a way to do relief work after hurricane Katrina hit, I didn't get a chance to do Bethel construction work, I only dabbled in foreign language groups, and I didn't fit in well in Louisiana, and didn't easily make a lot of friends. 

[Cushi]

Where I live, the brothers don’t seem to have a hard time finding a mate, the sisters do. There seems to be a shortage of suitable brothers vs sisters. I get the impression that some of the sisters in my area really want to be married and it breaks my heart because it must be frustrating when you feel like you’re ready to date with the intention of eventually marrying but you haven’t found a mate.