A good joke

[rocket]

I hired a handyman and gave him a todo list. When I got home only items 1, 3 and 5 got done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.

[rocket]

At 65 my Grandma started walking 10 miles a day. She's 92 now and we have no idea where she is.

[Keep Fighting]

Ohhh la la! Discovered that I'm super rich!
Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystal in my kidneys and an abundance of natural gas! Never dreamed of accumulating such wealth! 🤣

[Mike047]

I know all about the abundance of natural gas!

[Sheep]

9 hours ago, Mike047 said:

I know all about the abundance of natural gas!

You too?

[computerwiz]

[Keep Fighting]

[Mike047]

Pigs live rasher lives, so we can 'bring home the bacon'

[Keep Fighting]

[Tortuga]

7 hours ago, Keep Fighting said:

Is he from Flushing NY?

[Pabo]

11 hours ago, Keep Fighting said:

 

Was his undercover alias John Potty or John Latrine when he wasn't Toiletman?

Edited November 12 by Pabo

[Pabo]

11 hours ago, Keep Fighting said:

 

Did he wear yellow body suit with brown briefs and a white cape?

[dilip kumar]

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he needed space!

[Keep Fighting]

Three brothers, aged 96, 94 and 92 respectively, lived together.
One day, the eldest was going to take a bath. When he was about to get into the bath, he became unsure and called out to the other two:
“Hey! Was I going to bathe, or had I bathed?” 
The 94-year-old stood up to find out what was going on. Halfway up the stairs, he became unsure of what was happening and called out to the other two:
“Hey! Was I going up or down the stairs?”
The 92-year-old was sitting in the kitchen, shaking his head, hitting the table twice with his fist, congratulating himself that he hadn't become forgetful and shouting:
“Don't worry! I'm coming to help you both! I'll just check who's knocking on the door first!”

[StarHope]

On 11/12/2024 at 2:55 AM, Keep Fighting said:

 

Hehe! Reminds me of the song called "Particle Man" by They Might Be Giants. The old 90s cartoon Tiny Toons Adventures had a segment on it. Now I got the song stuck in my head...

 

 

[ChrisW]

On 11/2/2024 at 3:48 AM, Keep Fighting said:

Ohhh la la! Discovered that I'm super rich!
Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystal in my kidneys and an abundance of natural gas! Never dreamed of accumulating such wealth! 🤣

Never thought of myself as a gold digger..I guess I better hang on to my husband. LOL 

[rocket]

Bob was in trouble, he forgot his wedding anniversary.  His wife was really angry.  Tomorrow I expect to find a gift in the drive that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it had better be there!

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused the wife put on a robe and ran out to the driveway. Brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found 

Spoiler

a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

 

[Loopy]

[Loopy]

[Sheep]

1 hour ago, rocket said:

Bob was in trouble, he forgot his wedding anniversary. . .

Oh, that is so hilarious!!!

[Keep Fighting]

[Pabo]

What is the penalty for bigamy?

Quote

Two mother-in-laws.

 

[Mike047]

8 minutes ago, Pabo said:

Two mother-in-laws.

 

Or even, maybe, mothers-in-law. There are, of course two anyway..........his and hers

[Pabo]

2 minutes ago, Mike047 said:

 

Or even, maybe, mothers-in-law. There are, of course two anyway..........his and hers

 

But a man having two (or more) MIL's is one asking for punishment.

[Tortuga]

Just for fun I switched all of the labels on the spice rack,

My wife hasn't noticed yet, but the thyme is cumin.