A good joke

[Tortuga]

23 minutes ago, walkr2 said:

Is anyone really confident with how they say WORCESTERSHIRE sauce?

"Whats This Here?" sauce....

[bohemian]

 

We usually shorten it to Worcester Sauce!  (wuster)   But here in UK the best known and original one is this one, so we just say Lea and Perrins!

 

We have some real tongue-twister names in UK, but it is part of our charm.

 

Stephen Leacock made fun of this in his very funny stories. See "Gertrude the Governess" for example.

http://fullonlinebook.com/download-book/book/ibtc/gertrude-the-governess-or-simple-seventeen.pdf

 

 

[pnutts]

2 hours ago, bohemian said:

 

We usually shorten it to Worcester Sauce!  (wuster)   But here in UK the best known and original one is this one, so we just say Lea and Perrins!

 

We have some real tongue-twister names in UK, but it is part of our charm.

 

Stephen Leacock made fun of this in his very funny stories. See "Gertrude the Governess" for example.

http://fullonlinebook.com/download-book/book/ibtc/gertrude-the-governess-or-simple-seventeen.pdf

 

 

Wasn't Leacock from Orillia, ON, Canada?  We use Lea & Perrins too in soups and stews.

Edited January 21, 2017 by pnutts

[MissPrisca]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The wedding ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible!

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[Musky]

 

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.
As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
 
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.  We've got our dogs with us."
 
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch me, then do as I do."
 
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
 
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may
be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the heck,"  so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed." 
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"
 
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
 
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"A Chihuahua? They gave me a stinking Chihuahua ?!"
 

[dilip kumar]

*HUSBANDS FOR SALE !*

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Pretoria , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*Floor 6: You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.*

*Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!*

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!

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[Omoyeme]

I haven't laughed so hard since I was told by a Catholic that "the Kingdom is in your heart."

 

Thanks for the joke Br. Dilip...it made my day!

[walkr2]

 
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.
As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
 
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.  We've got our dogs with us."
 
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch me, then do as I do."
 
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
 
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may
be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the heck,"  so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed." 
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"
 
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
 
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ........
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
"A Chihuahua? They gave me a stinking Chihuahua ?!"
 

🤣

[New World Explorer]

"I’ve been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious."

[dilip kumar]

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat…..

One day, the horse became very ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.

The next day, the Vet gave him the medicine and left.

The goat approached the horse and said:

"Be strong, friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!"

On the second day, the doc again gave him the medicine and left.

The goat came back and said: - "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up".

Let's go! One, two, three... but the poor horse wouldn't get up!

On the third day, the Vet gave one look at the horse and said:

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses."

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: "Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more!

Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!"

All of a sudden, the owner came back to the farm, saw the horse running on the field ... he was not aware of goats role in this. He began shouting: "It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a Grand celebration...

Let's cook the goat!!!!"



Corporate Lesson:


'Whatever you do, always mark a Cc to your boss'.

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[Linda Huang]

19 minutes ago, dilip kumar said:

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat…..

One day, the horse became very ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.

The next day, the Vet gave him the medicine and left.

The goat approached the horse and said:

"Be strong, friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!"

On the second day, the doc again gave him the medicine and left.

The goat came back and said: - "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up".

Let's go! One, two, three... but the poor horse wouldn't get up!

On the third day, the Vet gave one look at the horse and said:

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses."

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: "Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more!

Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!"

All of a sudden, the owner came back to the farm, saw the horse running on the field ... he was not aware of goats role in this. He began shouting: "It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a Grand celebration...

Let's cook the goat!!!!"



Corporate Lesson:


'Whatever you do, always mark a Cc to your boss'.

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It's really good joke!! Thanks for sharing 

[kejedo]

On 3/18/2017 at 7:26 PM, Gregexplore said:

"I’ve been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious."

I have a  "pretend" skylight in my bedroom. I will try to upload it. Still playing around with pix. This one is not done. It is over my entry door and may become a transom if my back gets better.

 

[kejedo]

 

 

2 minutes ago, kejedo said:

Still going rogue on the skylight joke. This is also not my feeble attempt at skylight, but I'm still trying to get the hang of picture resizing. 

 

Edited March 21, 2017 by kejedo

[dilip kumar]

Once a Project Manager was travelling by train from Mumbai to Bangalore!

When the train started, He was traveling alone in the AC-I coupe.

Some time later, a Beautiful lady came and sat in the opposite berth!


Manager was pleasantly Happy🙂



The lady kept smiling at him...
This made him even more Happier


Then she went and sat next to him....
he was bubbling with Joy🤗



She then leant towards him and whispered in his ear...


"Hand over all your cash, cards and mobile phone to me , else I will shout loudly and tell everybody that you are harassing and misbehaving with me"


Manager stared blankly at her 🙄


He took out a paper and a pen from his bag and wrote " I am sorry, I can not hear or speak... Please write on this paper whatever you want to say"


The lady wrote everything what she said earlier and gave it to him!

Manager took her note, kept it nicely in his pocket...
got up and told her in clear tones...
*Now shout & scream !!*




Moral of the story :

*DOCUMENTATION IS VERY IMPORTANT*

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[dilip kumar]

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.". Well . . . you'll love this one..The stuff is from a lady called Archana

"My name is Archana. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Xavier's high school.

"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1987. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then,
that
ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled faced,
gray-haired,
decrepit,
Creature,
asked,



"What subject did you teach" ?"

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[dilip kumar]

That moment when your battery is at 3% and you see your Boss upload pictures of himself and his family. And wanting to impress him, you quickly comment "cool pics" but auto correct changes it to "cool pigs" and your battery runs out!

Don't even bother explaining, pal, just find another job

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[nanceebgd46]

Brother Dilip,

 

Thanks for all the jokes and other stuff etc...you share with us...many a time you have

given me something to laugh at...when I needed it!

[dilip kumar]

an orthodox priest in Russia that bought large speakers and played hard metal rock music so loud to disturb a JW convetion. some days later he met two brothers in servise then he smiled mocking them .
he told them he was so happy to disturb the assembly then brothers laughed so hard back to him.
he asked why!! and to his surprise those brothers told him they didnt hear the music.
The convention was for DEAF. (laugh)(laugh)(laugh)(laugh)
the priest was ashamed

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[New World Explorer]

Why did a banker quit his job?

He lost interest .....

[dilip kumar]

The russian priest joke was actually sent to me by a brother.
when I posted it on another website, questions were raised.
Whether it was authentic.
Which assembly etc.
Pls, take caution before forwarding as I enjoyed it and forwarded it.

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[Victoria]

On 03.04.2017 at 6:20 PM, dilip kumar said:

The russian priest joke was actually sent to me by a brother.
when I posted it on another website, questions were raised.
Whether it was authentic.
Which assembly etc.
Pls, take caution before forwarding as I enjoyed it and forwarded it.

Sent from my LG-E988 using Tapatalk
 

I read this story in the Internet recently. But not priest, just a man who hated JWs and it was in Kiev, Ukraine. But I don't believe it. And I hope it is not true. There are not only the deaf in Sign Language conventions. Many hearing brothers and sisters learn sign languages and the kids of the deaf usually hear. And many are hard of hearing. So I hope it's just a joke.

[Alexa]

I read this story in the Internet recently. But not priest, just a man who hated JWs and it was in Kiev, Ukraine. But I don't believe it. And I hope it is not true. There are not only the deaf in Sign Language conventions. Many hearing brothers and sisters learn sign languages and the kids of the deaf usually hear. And many are hard of hearing. So I hope it's just a joke.

Sign Language convention involves hearing, and deaf sis Victoria...

[Omoyeme]

Because of Brother Walkers' work, I'm inspired to write my own novel.  But I have a bit of writer's block.  Maybe you could help me finish this sentence:

 

So, one day recently a postal clerk in Moscow came into work ....

[Tortuga]

19 minutes ago, Omo_Yeme said:

Because of Brother Walkers' work, I'm inspired to write my own novel.  But I have a bit of writer's block.  Maybe you could help me finish this sentence:

 

So, one day recently a postal clerk in Moscow came into work ....

When Ivan woke up that morning he thought it would be just another boring day at the post office but he saw the panic look in his supervisors eyes, he knew something was wrong....

[Victoria]

16 hours ago, Alexa said:

Sign Language convention involves hearing, and deaf sis Victoria...

I have to attend sign language conventions and assemblies because my husband is hard of hearing. Loud music would be a problem for us. I believe the joke was created by someone who has never attended conventions for the deaf. But it's bad that it was posted in the Internet as a real story.