A good joke

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

In my case, make it the 50's...

Older {waiting for wiser}

[Sheep]

A fellow Canadian in another topic reminded me there are plenty of good Newfie jokes to tell. You don't know what a Newfie joke is? Well, it's kind of like the old Polish jokes, assuming that all Polish people are dumb and stupid (which they are not). A Newfie joke is kind of like the Canadian version of a Polish joke. A Newfie is an inhabitant of the Canadian province of Newfoundland, and a Newfie joke assumes that all Newfies are dumb and stupid (which they are not). Are you with me so far? Well, it is also assumed that Newfies are impossible to get along with, and intolerable to be around for any length of time. So, here's the story:

 

Late one night, in the prairie provinces of Canada where there's lots of farm land, somebody's car breaks down out in the middle of nowhere. The frustrated driver gets out of his afflicted vehicle and doesn't know what to do. (This is before the days of cell phones.) It's the middle of the night and it's dark. So he looks around and way off in the distance he sees a light coming from a farm house. So, he goes off towards the farm house and knocks on the door. Well, the farmer opens the door, and there's this stranger standing there. He explains to the farmer that his car broke down, he can't call a tow truck until the morning, and he needs a place to stay for the night. So the farmer says that the only place he has to offer is out in the barn with the pig. So, this visitor, figuring that beggars can't be choosers, accepts his offer and goes out to the barn. But he finds the pig to be absolutely filthy, and can't stand the smell of this animal! He quickly loses his patience and 15 minutes later goes back to the farm house. He knocks on the door, the farmer answers, and there's the guy standing there. He says, "Sir, I'm sorry, but I can't stand the smell of that pig. Don't you have a little bit of space in your house where I could stay?" So the farmer says that maybe he could fit on the couch. Well, the visitor finds the couch a little bit uncomfortable, but good enough for the night. At least it's better than staying with a pig!

 

A little later the same night, a woman drives by on the same road and her car breaks down. It's exactly the same story! She sees the light in the farm house, walks up to it and knocks on the door. The farmer opens the door, and there's this woman standing there. She explains her story and says she needs a place to stay for the night. So the farmer says that the only place he has to offer is out in the barn with the pig. So, figuring she doesn't have a choice, she accepts his offer and goes out to the barn. Well, naturally she can't stand the pig either, and 15 minutes later goes back to the farm house and knocks on the door. The farmer answers, and there's the woman standing there. She says, "I'm sorry sir, but I just can't stand the smell of that pig! It's disgusting! Don't you have a little bit of space in your house where I could stay?" So the farmer says that maybe she could fit in the bathtub. She's small anyway, so she fits in just fine, although a bit uncomfortable. But at least it's better than staying with that disgusting pig!

 

Well, later the same night, a Newfie drives by on the same road and his car breaks down. Yes, the same story. He sees the light at the farm house, walks over to it and knocks on the door. The farmer opens the door, and there's this Newfie standing there. He explains his story about the car and says he needs a place to stay for the night. So the farmer says that the only place he has to offer is out in the barn with the pig. Well, figuring that it's only for the rest of the night and there's not much choice, the Newfie accepts his offer and heads out to the barn. Fifteen minutes later there's a knock on the farm house door. The farmer opens the door, and there's the pig standing there! . . .

[Tortuga]

On 11/17/2018 at 2:47 PM, Sheep said:

A Newfie joke is kind of like the Canadian version of a Polish joke.

So, it's an ethnic joke?

[Sheep]

58 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

So, it's an ethnic joke?

Um. Good question I never thought of. Maybe it's racist.

 

Oh well, Newfies are still Canadians. (I think...)

[pnutts]

50 minutes ago, Sheep said:

Newfies are still Canadians

Since 1949. My daughter lives there with her 3 kids.

Edited November 20, 2018 by pnutts

[Tortuga]

While my wife was grocery shopping tonight she asked a clerk if they had any currants.

 

His reply: Not currently...

 

[Old]

5 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

While my wife was grocery shopping tonight she asked a clerk if they had any currants.

 

His reply: Not currently...

 

G O N G!

Edited November 21, 2018 by Old

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

While my wife was grocery shopping tonight she asked a clerk if they had any currants.
 
His reply: Not currently...
 

Dad joke for sure!

Older {waiting for wiser}

[dilip kumar]

Someone asked me..

*"Is your stomach FLAT?"*
🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

Me : *"Yeah, but the “L” is silent"*
🤣🤣🤣🤣

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

Older {waiting for wiser}

[pnutts]

20 hours ago, Tortuga said:

While my wife was grocery shopping tonight she asked a clerk if they had any currants.

 

His reply: Not currently...

Quite awhile ago we had an Italian diner party - restaurant theme.

 

My wife made 2 types of lasagna - one tomato sauce the other a white sauce.

 

Our COBE's wife asked where was the other lasagna.

 

My response. " I'm Alfredo it's not Readio"

[Old]

51 minutes ago, pnutts said:

Quite awhile ago we had an Italian diner party - restaurant theme.

 

My wife made 2 types of lasagna - one tomato sauce the other a white sauce.

 

Our COBE's wife asked where was the other lasagna.

 

My response. " I'm Alfredo it's not Readio"

 

That deserves a good JW Gong. (Click on image)

The Gongster was Ken Richmond died in August 2006. The name didn’t ring a bell—a moan-inducing pun as you will soon see—but the image accompanying his obituary certainly did. He was the gongmeister who, with great solemnity and sobriety, announced the beginning of J. Arthur Rank movies. Actually, has anyone given the J. Arthur Rank logo a thought in the last few decades? Richmond’s obituary was a reminder. Nor was he the only gong man. Who knew or even imagined that there was more than one? But he was the last one and with his death, something else besides his life came to an end. In case you don’t recall, although if you’ve seen the logo once, there’s no way that you wouldn’t remember it, there’s a huge gong of what looks like hammered brass in the middle of the frame. A well-developed, well-oiled muscle man, wearing nothing more than a Tarzan-like diaper, lifts a mallet that looks like it weighs a ton with both hands and with a gravity and a sense of purpose, strikes the gong twice. The gong reverberates and the title J. Arthur Rank comes on the screen. ...Despite the sport he excelled in, he was a lifelong pacifist and even spent several months in jail at the end of WWII as a conscientious objector. He became a Jehovah’s Witness and spent two years as a missionary in Malta. Ultimately, he gave up wrestling because his religious work left him insufficient time for the sport. In his late sixties, he took up windsurfing in which he excelled and for which he won medals. If they ever make a film of his life, Gregory Peck should play him. Source:

https://requitedarchive.wordpress.com/2011/07/01/the-gong-show/

Edited November 21, 2018 by Old
Gif failure

[pnutts]

Thus he quit being a ding bat and became a brother. Good for him.

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

FYI

Older {waiting for wiser}

[Sheep]

The police officer pulls over a speeding vehicle. He says to the driver, "If you can give me one good reason why you were speeding, then I won't give you a ticket." The driver responds, "Another man ran off with my wife. And I thought it was you bringing her back!"

[pnutts]

[pnutts]

3 hours ago, Sheep said:

The police officer pulls over a speeding vehicle. He says to the driver

Repeat

[Sheep]

Over in a different topic, a sister gave me an idea of a "dumb blond" joke. Well, okay, I guess I am blond. At least, that's what my avatar will tell you.

 

There's this blond girl who doesn't like being blond. It's because of all the dumb blond jokes she hears. So she dyes her hair brunette. She figures she won't hear any dumb blond jokes anymore, and she's happy with the colour.

 

One day she's out driving in the country, and drives by a farm with lots and lots of sheep out in the pasture. She is just so intrigued by all these sheep, and so decides to stop in to see the farmer. So she says to the farmer: "If I can guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one?" Well, the farmer figures she could never guess the exact number of sheep he has, and so agrees to her apparently unlikely request. So she looks around a bit, and then she says: "Well, I would say you have 863 sheep." The farmer is just amazed! He tells her that's the exact number of sheep he has! (All of a sudden she doesn't feel blond anymore.) So, to live up to his agreement, he tells her she is free to choose a sheep that she would like to have. So she picks one out that looks especially cute to her.

 

An amused smile appears on the farmer's face. So he says to her: "If I can guess your real hair colour, will you give me my dog back."

[Qapla]

A blond police officer pulled over a blond who was speeding. After asking the driver for her license, she rooted around in her purse and looked up with a blank stare. The blond officer said, "You know, it is a small rectangle with your picture on it."

 

The driver pulled out a small compact mirror, looked at for a few seconds and handed it to the blond officer. The officer tool the mirror, stared at it for a couple minutes without speaking and then, handing it back to the driver said, "If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have stopped you!"

[dove]

12 minutes ago, Qapla said:

A blond police officer pulled over a blond who was speeding. After asking the driver for her license, she rooted around in her purse and looked up with a blank stare. The blond officer said, "You know, it is a small rectangle with your picture on it."

 

The driver pulled out a small compact mirror, looked at for a few seconds and handed it to the blond officer. The officer tool the mirror, stared at it for a couple minutes without speaking and then, handing it back to the driver said, "If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have stopped you!"

I think that makes her not so dumb.....

[Qapla]

19 minutes ago, Dove said:

I think that makes her not so dumb.....

Like the overly-bleach-blond and her hair ... that's stretching it a bit

 

Just because she doesn't know the difference between her ID with her picture on it and her mirror with her reflection (picture) on it does not make her "not so dumb"

 

 reminds me of another blond joke I heard ...

[dove]

16 minutes ago, Qapla said:

Like the overly-bleach-blond and her hair ... that's stretching it a bit

 

Just because she doesn't know the difference between her ID with her picture on it and her mirror with her reflection (picture) on it does not make her "not so dumb"

 

 reminds me of another blond joke I heard ...

I was referring to the fact that she, unknowingly I'm sure, fooled the  apparently, 'dumb-er' officer...

[pnutts]

Then there are those who are blond inside.

 

At the Sunset Hall near Turtle - I saw a sister with two hair colours - brunette and blond.

 

My comment was - that she couldn't make up her mind what colour she wanted  ( blond inside )

[Zephyr]

21 hours ago, Dove said:

I was referring to the fact that she, unknowingly I'm sure, fooled the  apparently, 'dumb-er' officer...

That mirror was sure dumb lol

[pnutts]

Crazy Blond

A blond went to the Dentist.
"I want you to paint my teeth blue." -the blond.
"What!?" -exclaimed the dentist.
"Just do it!!" - the blond.

So the dentist painted her teeth blue. The
blond went back to her car and called her
friend to talk about many things. While she was
driving a policeman stopped her.

"Mam, you were talking on your mobile while
you were driving. Here is how much you must
pay."

"Oh come on!! Don't you see I have blue-
tooth?!"