Is it okay for couples to live in separate rooms?

[pnutts]

On 1/1/2021 at 12:34 PM, Leon J said:

If I don't wear my CPAP mask i can disrupt her sleep. She also has nights where she wakes me with her snoring or movement.

I use a BiPAP and if it seeps it wakes both of us up.

On 1/1/2021 at 4:50 PM, EccentricM said:

I mean he even has to take the batteries out all the clocks and wrist watches in the house or they'll keep him awake)

 

On 1/1/2021 at 12:31 PM, Stormswift said:

READING WITH LIGHT ON

 

On 1/1/2021 at 12:31 PM, Stormswift said:

WATCHING MOVIES  ALL Hours

 

Edited January 5, 2021 by pnutts

[Old]

On 1/2/2021 at 8:50 AM, Qapla said:

There are two principals that may come into consideration if a couple lives in separate locations :

• Is the husband still financially supporting his wife?
• Is the husband spiritually supporting his wife?
• Is the husband emotionally supporting his wife
• Is he "exemplary" in the eyes of the Congregation and the Organization
• Is she "exemplary" in the eyes of the Congregation and the Organization

While it is  "not unscriptural to live in two separate locations" - it may not be "exemplary" and could, therefore, disqualify one or both mates for "special service" - including serving as a MS, Elder, Pioneer or even LDC or Delegate.

 

We had a situation here that fell in this category. A local sister who no longer had a husband married a Brother she had known years ago. He was living in another state. Both of them were free to marry since their former mates were dead. Before they wed he had agreed to sell his house and move here - her son and grand some grandchildren live in this area. After they wed he decided not to move to Florida. So, he continued to live in his house and she stayed living here. They would make extended visits to each other.

 

When the CO visited and found out the situation, he had a talk with the sister. He explained that, while there was no scriptural reason she could not continue to live here and visit her husband, since she was serving as a Regular Pioneer, if she wanted to remain serving as one they needed to rectify their living arrangements to remain "exemplary". She prayed about the matter and moved to where her husband lives.

 

 

How does living in separate homes, even a separate city make their marriage less than exemplary? Scripture please.  Unusual yes but...

Had that come up locally, he liked Sacramento's climate and as she got older she couldn't stand the heat (and his worldly relatives) and he couldn't stand our overcast skies and rain. Not much different than the sister that was married to a ships captain.

[Qapla]

Since I was not involved in the meeting with her I do not know what scripture(s) were used.

 

However, I was in service with her when she was telling us about her moving to live with her husband. She was expressing to us how much better she felt having a solution to their being apart. She did say that a call to the Branch was involved and much prayer.

 

She sold her house here and has been doing fine since the move. She is still a Reg Pio.

 

[Ahuvah]

3 hours ago, pnutts said:

On 1/2/2021 at 6:31 AM, Stormswift said:

WATCHING MOVIES  ALL Hours

 

I never said that. No problem with all hours here lol ... I'm glad. That being said I had taken the fifth hadn't I?

Edited January 5, 2021 by Stormswift

[M.J.]

2 hours ago, Old said:

Unusual yes

I think it would raise a lot of eyebrows in the community and the congregation to be living so far apart. It wasn't even in the same city, it was a whole different state. To stay apart misses the entire point of marriage. To be together, united, sharing your life with another person. People in love yearn to be together and share. Life is made up of all the little small things added up.

 

3 hours ago, Old said:

Scripture please

Gen. 2:24 "That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and they will become one flesh"

[Ahuvah]

2 minutes ago, M.J. said:

I think it would raise a lot of eyebrows in the community and the congregation to be living so far apart. It wasn't even in the same city, it was a whole different state. To stay apart misses the entire point of marriage. To be together, united, sharing your life with another person. People in love yearn to be together and share. Life is made up of all the little small things added up

There was a video out in the last year or two based on working in another country away from family for ah extended time ... it was very direct I thought.

[M.J.]

Just now, Stormswift said:

There was a video out in the last year or two based on working in another country away from family for ah extended time ... it was very direct I thought.

Yes, but that was due to economic reasons. The original question posed was simply about preference, not necessity.

[Ahuvah]

2 minutes ago, M.J. said:

Yes, but that was due to economic reasons. The original question posed was simply about preference, not necessity.

Yup but the answer would be the same. Even when someone volunteers for a theocratic assignment and it's necessary to go without your spouse it has to be with their full permission and it's always for a very limited time.

[Witness1970]

For most of our marriage my wife and I shared a bed.  Our days were spent somewhat separately.  She often wanted us both to go run errands together.  This often meant that some of them did not get done.  It worked better sometimes if we took separate items and ran errands.

 

For most of the last 30 years, I have had a "computer room' for my use.  The door stayed open and she could see what i was working on from the door.  (I have seen jokes where a man would go into his "office" and claim to be paying bills, but would instead be playing video games. That was not the case with me.  If I said I was working on the budget I would be working on the budget.)  Right now my computer is actually in the dining room.  My wife wanted beds in both of the extra bedrooms even though we never actually have company.

 

Sunset today is at 5:19 PM. My wife normally goes to bed very early, not right at sundown, but too early for me.  I normally stay up until after 9 PM, because I get better sleep.  If I go to bed too early, I wind up tossing and turning at 2 AM and end up getting a maximum of 4 hours sleep all together.  Going to bed later, I actually end up getting more restful sleep.  Because of that she is often resting in bed while I am up doing other things.  I never sleep past sunup and I end up getting up and fixing coffee and breakfast.  My wife gets breakfast in bed almost every morning. 

 

So we often spend time in separate rooms and it works out just fine.

 

As far as sleeping, my wife started sleeping in a separate room about 8 years ago.  My snoring disturbed her.  About 5 years ago, my wife wanted and adjustable bed because of her acid reflux.  After the bed was delivered, she decided she didn't like the mattress and again started getting up at night and going into another room.  She recently convinced me to change mattresses to one that is more comfortable.  Actually the pain I was experiencing mostly went away with the different mattress.

 

At the present time we are once again sleeping in the same room.  If I fall asleep before putting my C-PAP mask on, my snoring disturbs her, but I normally wake up after a brief nap and put on the mask.

 

We do spend time in separate rooms a lot, but this has nothing to do with problems in our marriage.

 

 

[Luisabola]

Your wife  has breakfast in bed every morning? You are a legend 👍

[DarinS]

Does the Bible specifically discuss the right or wrong of this....no.

 

So ask yourself a few questions—

Is this going to improve the marriage bond and the marriage?

Is this action going to weaken the marriage bond?

Is this for health reasons?

is this for selfish reasons?

How does the scripture ‘2 shall become one 1’ apply to this?

Just because  another couple ‘survived separation’ do I want to imitate their example?

What do the scriptures or scriptural principles indicate about this arrangement?

Does this promote respect for the husband?

Does this show honor to the wife?]

Does a husband pursuing this arrangement convince the wife she is loved, desired, wanted?

Does the wife pursuing this arrangement show the husband her desire to recognize his headship or her own headship.

Does this arrangement facilitate or block showing honor in intimacy?

 

So to answer your question --

it would be a rarity to hear/see this in a strong marriage of an exemplary couple.

 

For a married couple to live APART (in house or out of house)

it indicates there is a PROBLEM

 

Of course there will always be someone with an exceptional scenario - related to health and such...thus HEALTH is the Problem

 

If the elders are aware of this scenario for an appointed man or those in an exemplary responsibility....they would need to review the situation and see if it impacts their qualifications

 

ALMOST all the times we have met with couples who slept apart - there was a problem with personality, spirituality and emotional issues.

often the elders can help with specific spiritual direction to help heal the rift of the married couple. Other times they might even suggest medical/mental professionals to help address the problems that caused the rift

 

of course at the end of the day we all need to have a clean conscience before Jehovah.

[Qapla]

1 hour ago, DarinS said:

is this for selfish reasons?

 

I'm not really sure how or why shrimp, crab and/or lobster would have any bearing on a couple's living arrangement. I know that some people think lobster is the best of all foods while others do not carte for it al all. Personally, I like shrimp just fine but do not care for lobster or crab. I wonder, would how it is cooked have any impact on how a couple's living arrangement.

 

And what about other types of seafood? Should we also .......

 

 

 

That says "Selfish" .... not "shellfish"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Loopy]

As I think I already mentioned...I have very sensitive ears.
 

Tick ticking clocks drive me crazy. Anything abnormal like that and I couldn’t sleep either.

 

During the week on Zoom service time, this one couple has a ticking clock. I have muted everyone so I can get rid of it. 
 

😁😁😁😁 One morning I had all muted for a while when out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. 😳 They were trying to get my attention ☺️☺️☺️☺️. 
 

I mentioned about a ticking clock and the brother says, “Others have mentioned that too, we should take it down.” 
 

still waiting for them to do that. ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

[Loopy]

I can only eat breaded shrimp.

 

Health disaster  🚽   if I ever have boiled shrimp again.  ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
 

I know TMI. 😁😁😁😁😁😁

Edited April 10, 2021 by Loopy

[Witness1970]

On 1/5/2021 at 10:08 AM, Witness1970 said:

  I never sleep past sunup and I end up getting up and fixing coffee and breakfast.  My wife gets breakfast in bed almost every morning. 

 

On 1/5/2021 at 11:22 AM, Luisabola said:

Your wife  has breakfast in bed every morning? You are a legend 👍

 

On 1/5/2021 at 10:08 AM, Witness1970 said:

 

Back in 2016, I told my wife that, when the weather was warmer I was going to stop fixing her breakfast in bed.  I guess the habit was too strong and I never stopped.  I am trying to lose a few pounds right now and I may stop fixing breakfast so early every morning.  My wife does get up and fix her own breakfast some mornings, probably 5 or 6 times in the last 6 years.