How to cope with grief

[daydream]

I lost my sister-in-law on 5 March 2022. She was 89 and had dementia for more than a decade. She suffered adverse reaction to her 2nd Pfizer shot and still her younger daughter subjected her to a booster which resulted in her, been warded for a month. Her whole body was peeling off due to the rashes all over her body. At the hospital she contracted Covid. She was never the same after that and a month later she succumbed to pneumonia. 

All through the 2 days wake and the cremation rites the 2 daughters stoically maintained their composure. I'm trying to console them the best I can. Don't know if I'm doing it the right way. Covid prevents me from visiting them at their deceased mother's house. There is a gargantuan fight brewing over the bungalow. The mother had willed the house to the son but it seems that there is a 2nd will which was prepared when the mother was experiencing signs of dementia. Hoping the house goes to the older daughter who had taken the lion's share of looking after the mother together with 2 highly unqualified foreign nursing aids.

Note : I'm the only one in my paternal family who is in the truth.

 

 

Transcript : 

So let's focus on the most insensitive comment of all time and the one that I feel is the most harmful:

"You need to move on.

Get over it!

Get on with your life."

 

So what if instead of saying to someone,

"Hey, stop talking about your brother,"

we said, "Tell me more about your brother who died"?

What if instead of trying to fix people,

we sat with them inside of their pain, and we let them tell us what comes next?

Edited March 14, 2022 by happiness IS

[Dustparticle]

You are in my thoughts and prayers sis, Acts 24:15

[dove]

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Please know that we are thinking of you and praying that the God of all comfort will comfort you at this time❣️❤️

[hatcheckgirl]

My dear sister Ying Ching, you’ve had a rough trot lately. And now this, so very hard to imagine what your sister-in-law has been through. May Jehovah comfort you to help you endure the after-effects and her loss. She is safely sleeping now, and it won’t be long for the time when she wakes up in paradise. ❤️❤️ My thoughts and prayers. 💕💖

[Friends just call me Ross]

(((((((Sister Anne)))))))

 

 

[BLEmom]

We love you!  Jehovah will be there right beside you through the days ahead. 

[daydream]

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/15/well/live/understanding-grief

 

Megan Devine (author of the book “It’s OK That You’re Not OK,”)  explains that pain cannot be “fixed,” that companionship, not correction, is the best way to deal with grief. She encourages those who want to be helpful to “bear witness,” to offer friendship without probing questions or unsolicited advice, help if it is needed and wanted, and a listening ear no matter how often mourners wish to tell their story.

 

To those who grieve, she suggests finding a nondestructive way to express it. “If you can’t tell your story to another human, find another way: journal, paint, make your grief into a graphic novel with a very dark story line. Or go out to the woods and tell the trees. It is an immense relief to be able to tell your story without someone trying to fix it.”

 

She also suggests keeping a journal that records situations that either intensify or relieve suffering. “Are there times you feel more stable, more grounded, more able to breathe inside your loss? Does anything — a person, a place, an activity — add to your energy bank account? Conversely, are there activities or environments that absolutely make things worse?”

 

Spoiler

Edited March 19, 2022 by happiness IS

[Amygdala]

3 hours ago, happiness IS said:

pain cannot be “fixed,” that companionship, not correction, is the best way to deal with grief. She encourages those who want to be helpful to “bear witness,” to offer friendship without probing questions or unsolicited advice, help if it is needed and wanted, and a listening ear no matter how often mourners wish to tell their story.

This is important to remember. A person who is doing the listening shouldn’t be afraid if the other sheds tears. It’s part of the grieving process.