Are all brothers shy about talking to women?

[Cushi]

Wow, Steve Harvey said the same exact thing. I think in the truth it’s different. A brother may want to be your friend, not commit adultery or fornication, but because he’s interested in things eventually getting romantic. But if too much time is spent alone, both parties may eventually do things they regret.

 

 

[Cushi]

1 hour ago, *Jack* said:

I’ve got so frustrated that he gave up.

 

Meant to say he got so frustrated 🙃

Edited April 19, 2022 by *Jack*

[Saffron]

15 hours ago, Woanders said:

So for a single sister who might be pining for marriage, any extraordinary display of interest or attention from a single brother (to her liking) is bound to cause feelings.

You are so right about this. One of my friends gets to thinking way too much when a brother starts talking to her. It's not that he's doing anything wrong, she just reads way too much into the conversation. I tell her over and over not to get too carried away, he could just be friendly. But she mentally buys her wedding dress and imagines their future together, only to be totally crushed when he ends up with someone else. It's sad. 

 

Me on the other hand. I'm dense. There was a brother who was a socializing routinely within our group. After some time he started making more of an effort to initiate interactions with me. I'm friendly, chatty, thought nothing of it. In the very end when I had to let him know that I would not be getting married on this side of Armageddon, he looked like I punched him. To say that I felt horrible would be an understatement. He really didn't want anything to do with me after that, which was painful but understandable. 

 

I am A LOT more careful while socializing with brothers now. 

[carlos]

On 4/18/2022 at 3:29 PM, Michelle81 said:

Can't you be close friends with a sister just like you could with a brother?  I have some lots of male friends that I am not interested in marrying at all; still I deeply value the friendships I have with them.  I find it sad to disregard a possible friendship based on someone's sex.

I have some very good friends who are sisters. I am just careful not to spend a lot of time alone with any of them. Apart from the occasional phone conversation, usually we will be in a group that includes my wife.

[BLEmom]

On 4/18/2022 at 10:24 PM, *Jack* said:

That’s the thing, a lot of women actually think they’re their male friends are just “friends”. They’re not. 99.99 percent of them are waiting for an opportunity. If women who had these friends expressed a sexual interest in their friends, the guys would see it as a golden opportunity, and not something that could potentially ruin the friendship. Take it from a guy.

Are you sure you aren’t Steve Harvey in disguise?
 

😂

 

edit:  I see you found your double. 😜

Edited April 20, 2022 by BLEmom
Adding

[Girl81]

On 4/18/2022 at 10:35 PM, *Jack* said:

Wow, Steve Harvey said the same exact thing. I think in the truth it’s different. A brother may want to be your friend, not commit adultery or fornication, but because he’s interested in things eventually getting romantic. But if too much time is spent alone, both parties may eventually do things they regret.

 

 

With all due respect, I completely disagree.  I do not think my male friends are that shallow and simple. 

[Amygdala]

There was a similar thread on the subject here. The first video was interesting to watch.

 

 

[Michał]

Who is Steve Harvey?

[daydream]

8 hours ago, Michał said:

Steve Harvey

Broderick Stephen Harvey, Sr. (born January 17, 1957) is an American television host, actor, writer, producer, and comedian.

[Michał]

4 hours ago, happiness IS said:

Broderick Stephen Harvey, Sr. (born January 17, 1957) is an American television host, actor, writer, producer, and comedian.

Thank you but how is it connected to brothers and sisters “interactivity”? 

[Hope]

5 hours ago, happiness IS said:

Broderick Stephen Harvey, Sr. (born January 17, 1957) is an American television host, actor, writer, producer, and comedian.

he's also super annoying... (just my opinion 😉 )

[BLEmom]

1 hour ago, Michał said:

Thank you but how is it connected to brothers and sisters “interactivity”? 

Brother Jack’s thoughts about friendship between men and women mirrored something Steve Harvey said in an interview. The video was posted. 
It was just a funny coincidence. 😊

[Cushi]

22 hours ago, Michelle81 said:

With all due respect, I completely disagree.  I do not think my male friends are that shallow and simple. 

It’s ok to disagree. A lot of women think their guy friends wouldn’t do that but I’m a guy. I know how I think and I know how a lot of other men think. 

Edited April 21, 2022 by *Jack*

[Cushi]

23 hours ago, BLEmom said:

Are you sure you aren’t Steve Harvey in disguise?
 

😂

 

edit:  I see you found your double. 😜

lol I probably watched that video before and subconsciously remembered what he said. But I’ve always felt the way he did. Even when I was a small child. I remember being like 8 years old and seeing my brother in law let my sister leave the house with her male friend. He would be in their house when my brother in law wasn’t home and he would come home to his wife and her “friend.” I remember thinking to myself ain’t no way I would allow that! I’m not controlling at all. But many times it’s not the wife or girlfriend the man doesn’t trust, it’s her “friend.” They’ve been “friends” for almost 35 years. She even told me how he has even slept in the same bed with her and didn’t try anything and that he was her real friend. I was like sure  Last year she admitted that she pretended to express interest in him to see his reaction and he immediately jumped at the opportunity and that he was in love with her. I was like I told you!

[Girl81]

6 hours ago, *Jack* said:

It’s ok to disagree. A lot of women think their guy friends wouldn’t do that but I’m a guy. I know how I think and I know how a lot of other men think. 

I'm a woman, and I know many women who have a wide variety of perceptions about men.  I certainly don't profess to know how each woman thinks just because I'm also a woman; I've found I'm frequently surprised by the variations of women's perceptions.

I'd be shocked to think that all men think the same.  

Edited April 21, 2022 by Michelle81

[Cushi]

6 hours ago, Michelle81 said:

I'm a woman, and I know many women who have a wide variety of perceptions about men.  I certainly don't profess to know how each woman thinks just because I'm also a woman; I've found I'm frequently surprised by the variations of women's perceptions.

I'd be shocked to think that all men think the same.  

Yes, not all men think the same. I’m sure there’s a few men that will be friends with a woman with no ulterior motive. It’s especially hard if the woman is attractive. This may sound bad, but I guess I could be friends with a woman I’m not attracted to but I couldn’t be friends with an attractive woman. I personally have never sought out friendship with a woman without an ulterior motive and have never known any of my guy friends to do the same. Every guy I’ve ever known who was “friends” with a woman was just waiting for an opportunity. And I’ve known plenty who’ve done that.

[carlos]

10 hours ago, Michelle81 said:

I'm a woman, and I know many women who have a wide variety of perceptions about men.  I certainly don't profess to know how each woman thinks just because I'm also a woman; I've found I'm frequently surprised by the variations of women's perceptions.

I'd be shocked to think that all men think the same.  

Michelle, I agree with you. As I mentioned before I have several good female friends and have absolutely no romantic nor sexual intentions toward them. Many men, including some brothers, are that shallow, but not all men by far.

[Hope]

6 hours ago, carlos said:

Michelle, I agree with you. As I mentioned before I have several good female friends and have absolutely no romantic nor sexual intentions toward them. Many men, including some brothers, are that shallow, but not all men by far.

"When Harry Met Sally" again...

 

 

[Girl81]

I'm so grateful my male friends aren't like Harry; how annoying.  Ironically though, after seeing that clip, I do know one male acquaintance that reminds me of Harry; that's probably why I never befriended him. lol

Edited April 22, 2022 by Michelle81

[Girl81]

13 hours ago, *Jack* said:

. I personally have never sought out friendship with a woman without an ulterior motive .....

I sincerely feel sorry for you.  I think there are some really incredible minds and personalities within female bodies and you are missing out on experiencing a friendship with them simply because you are unable to see past sexual desires.  I can't imagine missing out on the great conversations and friendships I have with my male friends simply because they are attractive. I can easily appreciate that someone is attractive without wanting to have sex with them.  (i.e. I think many women are absolutely beautiful and attractive without having any sexual desires obviously)

 

Edited April 22, 2022 by Michelle81

[Hope]

9 hours ago, Michelle81 said:

I'm so grateful my male friends aren't like Harry; how annoying.  Ironically though, after seeing that clip, I do know one male acquaintance that reminds me of Harry; that's probably why I never befriended him. lol

I love his character. I appreciate that he was honest about relationship dynamics that I'd never considered. No brother I've ever asked about Harry's sentiments have denied that they were basically true. With understanding that it's humor and they have Jehovah’s standards, of course 😊

 

It's only women who don't believe it. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Cushi]

10 hours ago, Michelle81 said:

I sincerely feel sorry for you.  I think there are some really incredible minds and personalities within female bodies and you are missing out on experiencing a friendship with them simply because you are unable to see past sexual desires.  I can't imagine missing out on the great conversations and friendships I have with my male friends simply because they are attractive. I can easily appreciate that someone is attractive without wanting to have sex with them.  (i.e. I think many women are absolutely beautiful and attractive without having any sexual desires obviously)

 

Well, at least I was being honest. And I was talking about when I was in the world. I wouldn’t do something like that now. Of course I appreciate what sisters have to offer in terms of encouragement and spiritual wisdom as well as brothers. I have several female acquaintances in the truth, but no close friends. Why is that? For a few reasons. Oftentimes sisters jump to conclusions and assume you’re interested in them when you show interest in them other than being cordial with them. Second, it’s not wise to spend time with sisters alone for obvious reasons. And lastly, I don’t have much of a desire to seek close friendship with a woman because we often don’t share the same interests in life and men and women think differently which can make friendship a challenge.

 

I’m not some amorous person that goes around trying to be immoral with every attractive woman I see. I just know that physical attraction makes it hard for men and women to be friends. At least for a lot of men anyway. I have a sister who’s very pretty and prefers to have friendships with men. She told me that she doesn’t like how all her guy friends eventually developed and expressed romantic feelings to her. I had to tell her that they didn’t just “develop” feelings for her. They already had them to begin with. They just grew to feel comfortable enough to tell her.

[Girl81]

13 hours ago, *Jack* said:

Well, at least I was being honest.

I appreciate your honesty.

[Esined]

It’s a given re the need to be cautious and keep boundaries and intentions clear, avoid being in tricky situations. That said, I think it’s unwise to be narrow minded about the possibilities for friendship & communication between brothers and sisters. If brothers (OR sisters) aren’t capable of getting over a tendency to only relate to the opposite sex over “ulterior motives” they are going to miss out on getting to know the perspectives and experiences of women who aren’t their wives, moms, etc. If they get responsibilities they are going to be less capable of effectively ministering to over half a typical congregation. IJS! 

I have a younger brother 2.5 years younger than me. Because I grew up so close with him, maybe, I’ve always had friendships with dudes. As a teenager I disliked hanging around with only females.

@Michelle81I think what you observe varies a lot by culture and congregation. I was raised in FL and spent many years in Spanish congregations in Miami. Am now in Massachusetts. It was normal for pretty much everyone to talk to everyone. 

[Pabo]

I guess it all comes down to your local congregation's make up. In my congregation, we don't have that much of an issue between the sexes, as most are either related, or old. But even beforehand when we did have a lot of younger ones, we didn't have this issue. But again, most were somewhat related or had grown up with each other as well.

 

When I was younger, I got along with with many sisters in the congregation, many who were older and of the same age. And the other brothers were just the same. There was one sister where she and I clicked really well, as many who didn't knew, thought that we were literally brother and sister, as she was "big sister" to me and I was her "little brother". The things that we thought up, said and reacted you couldn't pick out that we were not related. But there were a few in the congregation that were flirty than others, but that was really noticeable and were mostly put into their place pretty quickly.

 

But other congregations were different, as some congregations depending on their congregations cultural settings, some where quite, some were loud, and others that just make you scratch your head. I remember going to a congregation near Bethel with another brother as we were in the vicinity for some unrelated business that day. As I had been at this congregation some years before and had known some of the brothers in that congregation, I knew what to expect of what will happen. As it was some time since I had last been there (about 8 years), usually there was a lot of coming and goings within the congregation, there was a high chance of it happening as it happened to me when I did start visiting that congregation. So I warned the brother of what to expect. I warned him that we will be approached by sisters with their "marriageable" daughters asking whether we were in Bethel, or at the MTS (which was held at Bethel at that time), or with the Assembly Hall construction project, if we answered "no" to all of them, don't be offended if you get a bit of a cold shoulder from them and they walk away.

 

As we happen to only get there just before the meeting started, there wasn't much time to any chitter chatter with the locals. But after a meeting, there was a sister with her daughter that happened to be sitting in front of us during the meeting. The sister turned around and introduced herself to us and asked us whether we were in Bethel, MTS or the Circuit Assembly construction. We said "no" to all of them, she then said "Oh, it's nice to meet you, have a nice stay" and left us. This happened about 3-4 times with sisters with their daughters coming up to this brother. Some of the brothers did ask the same questions, but they didn't walk away as what the sisters had done, but just continued the conversation of why were we down there. As we were leaving the KH, the brother looked at me and said "I had no idea that would happen as you had just described. I thought you were really pulling my leg!" He still hasn't forgotten that to this day.