A good joke

[GeordieGirl]

On 13/10/2016 at 1:19 AM, dilip kumar said:

Very rare incident. It happens once in 1000 years. All planets in a row

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I wonder if they have beards. 

 

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.  

[Precision]

1 hour ago, GeordieGirl said:

I wonder if they have beards. 

 

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.  

HAH !!!  I'm looking for the guy with the tattoo... with the guy on his head pushing the lawnmower.    

[GeordieGirl]

8 hours ago, Precision said:

HAH !!!  I'm looking for the guy with the tattoo... with the guy on his head pushing the lawnmower.    

Hahaha!!!  I know the one. 

[dilip kumar]

Teacher to his student: Give me the opposite for this sentence:
"Children in the dark make mistakes."

Student:"Mistakes in the dark make children"



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[dilip kumar]

In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes.
In real life, the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs.

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[dilip kumar]

Have a laugh my JW brothers
JUST FOR FUN!
A woman is looking for an exotic bird, but all of them cost in the
vicinity of $3000-$5000
Finally she finds a beautiful parrot for $500. She asks the owner
why the bird is so inexpensive. He says that the bird was owned by one
of Jehovah's Witnesses and it just won't stop preaching. The lady says,
I'm a good Baptist and I think I can
convert him."
After about two months of constant statements such as:
*It's time for the Book Study*
*Daily Text Time*
*Time for Field Service*.
The woman one day got very upset, grabbed the bird and threw him against
a wall. Immediately she felt sorry for what she had done. She went
over to pick him up, he was in bad shape. He looked up at her, slowly
opened one eye and said:
"NO BLOOD! NO BLOOD!"
After he healed, he continued with his constant preaching. The lady
went back to the previous owner and asked if there was anything she
could do short of throwing him up against a wall. The owner told her
she should enclose him in a cardboard box. This would trick him into
thinking it was time to sleep and he would shut up.
So the next time he started with, "Have you read the Watchtower today?"
She stuffed him in a large cardboard box. He became very quiet for
about 30 minutes then he said, "Evening witnessing, Evening witnessing".
The woman was so exasperated she picked up the box and shook it
violently. Immediately she heard a loud scream from the bird:
ARMAGEDDON! ARMAGEDDON!"

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[Omoyeme]

That JW parrot joke is hilarious!

[Ishaya]

that was very funny br dilip kumar,you know Jehovah's people are very busy people and along with it comes rich blessings from Jehovah himself.indeed, Jehovah continues to train his people to always make wise use of their time.
hope to get more upbuilding jokes from you my dear brother.

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[gayathri]

A thief broke into my house. He started #searching for money.

I woke up &
started #searching along with him.

#Happy_Month_End...

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[Precision]

                                                                                                                             

 

 

[dilip kumar]

Your expressions of affections are NOT BETTER THAN mine......

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[dilip kumar]

Oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

Surprise, surprise !!

It was an Apple.

But with extremely limited memory.

Just 1 byte.

Then everything crashed

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A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars were badly damaged, but amazingly neither of them were found hurt.

After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75 year old scotch didn't break. Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opened it, drank half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" She replies, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the police."


Adam ate the apple too! Men will never learn!

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[Qapla]

I caught a ride through town with Joe the other day. When we came to the intersection the light was RED. He went right through without even slowing down.

 

Me: What are you doing? The light was RED

Joe: Don't worry about it, my brother does that all the time.

 

Just about the time my heart slowed back down we sailed through another RED light

 

Me: What are you doing? The light was RED too

Joe: Don't worry about it, my brother does that all the time.

 

After going right through a few more RED lights without stopping I was starting to get used to how Joe drove when suddenly he slammed on his brakes and came to a screeching stop

 

Me: What are you doing? The light was GREEN!

Joe: Yeah, I know - and my brother might be coming the other way

[dilip kumar]

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[dilip kumar]

*Cicero of the Roman empire wrote this about the situation during his lifetime:*

1. The poor - work & work.
2. The rich - exploit the poor.
3. The soldier - protects both.
4. The taxpayer - pays for all three.
5. The wanderer - rests for all four.
6. The drunk - drinks for all five.
7. The banker - robs all six.
8. The lawyer - misleads all seven.
9. The doctor - bills all eight.
10. The undertaker - buries all nine.
11. The Politician - lives happily on account of all ten.

*Written in 43 B.C., but valid even today.*

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[dilip kumar]

Read this very interesting

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.

The grocer was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.

The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up,
there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

If you don't forward this, someone will miss a good laugh.



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[dilip kumar]

From a old friend of mine...

Truely inspiring :

In life I have forgotten how many times I have fallen.
How many times I have hurt myself. The entire world laughed at me.

But I never gave up. I have always picked myself up, dusted myself and walked upto the waiter and said

Another large please........

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[Omoyeme]

On 10/27/2016 at 1:41 PM, dilip kumar said:

Have a laugh my JW brothers
JUST FOR FUN!
A woman is looking for an exotic bird, but all of them cost in the
vicinity of $3000-$5000
Finally she finds a beautiful parrot for $500. She asks the owner
why the bird is so inexpensive. He says that the bird was owned by one
of Jehovah's Witnesses and it just won't stop preaching. The lady says,
I'm a good Baptist and I think I can
convert him."
After about two months of constant statements such as:
*It's time for the Book Study*
*Daily Text Time*
*Time for Field Service*.
The woman one day got very upset, grabbed the bird and threw him against
a wall. Immediately she felt sorry for what she had done. She went
over to pick him up, he was in bad shape. He looked up at her, slowly
opened one eye and said:
"NO BLOOD! NO BLOOD!"
After he healed, he continued with his constant preaching. The lady
went back to the previous owner and asked if there was anything she
could do short of throwing him up against a wall. The owner told her
she should enclose him in a cardboard box. This would trick him into
thinking it was time to sleep and he would shut up.
So the next time he started with, "Have you read the Watchtower today?"
She stuffed him in a large cardboard box. He became very quiet for
about 30 minutes then he said, "Evening witnessing, Evening witnessing".
The woman was so exasperated she picked up the box and shook it
violently. Immediately she heard a loud scream from the bird:
ARMAGEDDON! ARMAGEDDON!"

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JW Parrot?

 

[dilip kumar]

*Customer* - "One veg burger please....."

*Salesboy*- "Sir, do you want me to vomit and give?..."

*Customer* - "What !! "

*Salesboy* - "Shall I vomit sir..?"
""







(30 seconds of looooong pause....)

*Customer* - "Oh ya ya please...... please warm it..

---- Heights of polished English accent

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[dilip kumar]

🏻husband called wife on phone and said
🏼 today no need to cook i will bring dinner from Second Wife ..
Husband came home and knocked at the door.
Wife opened the door and
husband remembered only wife opening the door.... Then....
.🏽🏼🏻
Husband in ICU now...

This is what the poor, loving, dear husband had actually meant....

Second wife Photo..🏼🏼🏼



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[dilip kumar]

Once there was a person who married 6 times.
All his six wives died.
He wanted to marry again.
But no lady came forward to marry him.
Finally ,
A lady came forward.
Later it came to knowledge that she had been married 6 times and all her husbands died.
Now everybody was curious
What will happen....

What do you think.....?

Let's see how you think....!



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[Tortuga]

1 hour ago, dilip kumar said:

Once there was a person who married 6 times.
All his six wives died.
He wanted to marry again.
But no lady came forward to marry him.
Finally ,
A lady came forward.
Later it came to knowledge that she had been married 6 times and all her husbands died.
Now everybody was curious
What will happen....

What do you think.....?

Let's see how you think....!



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They married and are in 7th heaven?

[dilip kumar]

Toto studies the bible with a Jehovah's Witness.
Witness Brother: What biblical character had built the ark?
Toto: Noah
Witness Brother: Correct! According to the Bible, how many humans have survived the flood?
Toto: 9 people.
Witness Brother: Not bad! But look carefully at the image at the bottom of the paragraph. How many humans are represented?
Toto: 8 people.
Witness Brother: Correct! So how many people have survived the flood?
Toto: 9 people!
Witness Brother: Good! Remember, please! Noah and his wife, his three sons and their wives. The total gives us how much?
Toto: 8 people!
Witness Brother: So how many watches do we have?
Toto: 9 people!
Witness Brother: Finally why say 9 people? look at the picture it is clear that it is 8 people?
Toto: It's 9 by adding the photographer who took the picture as they left the ark.


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[dilip kumar]

Height of problem:

Wife doing her makeup early in the morning, straight out from bed.

Husband: Are you crazy






Wife: Just shut up. I need to unlock my phone, it is not recognizing my face.

Husband: 🙄🤐

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[kejedo]

I lived on the Maine-New Hampshire border for twenty years. During that interval, my address changed several times. One time a New Hampshire Address, next time a Maine address, then a different New Hampshire address, then a different Maine address. Finally, I got fed up and told both states to figure out my correct address. I was hoping it would ultimately be New Hampshire, but wrong. The final decision was not New Hampshire, so I moved to a different state altogether.  I was tired of those Maine winters.