A good joke

[kejedo]

Stair

Tair

Air

????

 

[19/06 9:20 pm] Br.jinesh Tirusur: Technical Difference

What is the difference between welding and wedding ..

In welding there are sparks first and bonding forever, , whereas in wedding there is bonding first and sparks ⚡forever ...

[20/06 2:48 pm] ‪+91 99443 57810‬: SOLVE PUZZLE......

I am a 5 letter word.

I am normally below u

If u remove my 1st letter

u'll find me above u

If u remove my 1st & 2nd letters u cant see me

Answer is really very interesting

Let us see who solves this.......

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I might suggest "If you remove its first letter, it may be above you."

[Tcvancoops]

If you have a fear of Obama does that mean you're called "Baraknophobic"?

If you're anti-pencil, does that make you an "erasist"?

*face/palm*

[dilip kumar]

My puzzles answer is chair

( can't wait for, anymore)

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[Tortuga]

My puzzles answer is chair

( can't wait for, anymore)

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Thanks!

I thought it was Stair, Tair (which is a bird), Air

[kejedo]

Thanks!

I thought it was Stair, Tair (which is a bird), Air

 

Thanks!

I thought it was Stair, Tair (which is a bird), Air

Very close. I never had a tair in my hair, but have observed evidence that a bird was flying over my car or overhead. It is easier to clean my car.  Moral: one can be a victim of "bird flew," but the car is easier to clean, by far. 

[New World Explorer]

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 100 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
      
      When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION.

[dilip kumar]

This is a 7 letter word

Even r all vowels

First 4 letters symvolises a biological word

Letters 5-7 denotes a female

What's the word?

A clue its in the bible

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[bohemian]

Genesis?

[Tortuga]

Genesis?

Good guess. I was looking for something that ended with mom...

[dilip kumar]

Bravo

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[dilip kumar]

The best advertisement line against Pizza, Pasta, Burger, French Fries n all junk fud:-

"Few moments on Lips, Forever on Hips!!"

[Friends just call me Ross]

I was babysitting for my niece and nephew, once.  My niece was around 5 and my nephew was around 7.

 

My nephew spent the entire morning regaling me with "What do you get when you cross 'this' with 'that' jokes.  

 

Example: "Auntie Rosanne, what do you get when you cross a lion with a head of cabbage?"

 

  "I don't know Allen.  What do you get when you cross a lion with a head of cabbage?"

 

"A man-eating cole-slaw."

 

 

 

His sister was sitting out on the calf-barn porch, petting my collie, Lacey.  

Her dad drove by on the one of the tractors and she came up to me and asked,

"Auntie Rosanne, what do you get when you cross a dog with a tractor?"

 

I was stumped, so I said, "I don't know, Carrie.  

What DO you get when you cross a dog with a tractor?"

 

"A runned over dog."

 

 I was totally unprepared for that particular answer and I laughed until my ribs hurt. 

[dilip kumar]

Solve dis riddle

I am a word of five letters!

People eat me!

If u remove my 1 letter i will be a form of energy!

If u remove my first 2 letters i will be needed 4 living.

If u remove my first 3 letters i will be a preposition

If u remove my first 4 letters i will be a drink 4 u.

Answer if u r mastermind!

Ans:_________

Can anyone???

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[Tortuga]

Solve dis riddle

I am a word of five letters!

People eat me!

If u remove my 1 letter i will be a form of energy!

If u remove my first 2 letters i will be needed 4 living.

If u remove my first 3 letters i will be a preposition

If u remove my first 4 letters i will be a drink 4 u.

Answer if u r mastermind!

Ans:_________

Can anyone???

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Wheat?

[dilip kumar]

Perfecto

Sent from my LG-E988

[kejedo]

An elderly woman had been asked to give a speech. When she stood up at the podium, she dropped her note cards. She apologized into the microphone. "I'm a little jittery. I gave up drinking beer for Lent, and this whiskey is killing me."

[Tortuga]

An elderly woman had been asked to give a speech. When she stood up at the podium, she dropped her note cards. She apologized into the microphone. "I'm a little jittery. I gave up drinking beer for Lent, and this whiskey is killing me."

Was she a politician?

 

We've had a few of those in California...

[dilip kumar]

On International Yoga Day, a husband woke up n getting ready to do yoga.

As he was getting ready, the wife opened her eyes.

So the husband asked her-

"Honey would you like to join me for Yoga?"

Wife: "Do you mean to say I am fat?"

Husband: "No no. If you don't want to wake up, it's ok."

Wife: "So now you think I am lazy, ha?"

Husband: "No. You are misunderstanding me. I didn't mean...."

Wife: "Aha! So I dont understand you, right?"

Husband: "Now look I didn't say that."

Wife: "So am I lying?!!"

Husband: "All right! Its best I also dont go for Yoga:

Wife: "See! You never wanted to go. Just wanted to blame me."

The husband quitely goes to sleep again.

Therefore the best Yoga pose for husbands is ....

[kejedo]

Was she a politician?

 

We've had a few of those in California...

It was written about an 87 year old woman who was a college student. It was supposedly a true story in one of those chicken soup books, which I don't read. The the anecdote was rewritten in a news (?) story.   

[dilip kumar]

Doctor: Which soap do you use?

Patient: K. P. Namboodiri's soap.

Doctor: Paste?

Patient: K. P. Namboodiri's paste

Doctor: Shampoo?

Patient: - K. P. Namboodiri's shampoo.

Doctor: Is K.P. Namboodiri an international brand?

Patient: No. K. P. Namboodiri is my roommate !

Ø A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!”

Ø A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’? Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”.

Ø Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret ?

Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.

[kejedo]

Doctor: Which soap do you use?

Patient: K. P. Namboodiri's soap.

Doctor: Paste?

Patient: K. P. Namboodiri's paste

Doctor: Shampoo?

Patient: - K. P. Namboodiri's shampoo.

Doctor: Is K.P. Namboodiri an international brand?

Patient: No. K. P. Namboodiri is my roommate !

Ø A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!”

Ø A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’? Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”.

Ø Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret ?

Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.

...............................................

Argument between British and India.

British - we spoiled ur mother land for 200 yrs hahaha

India - hahaha we r spoiling your mother tongue daily hahahahahaha

.................................

Teacher - what is d full form of MATHS..

Student- mentally affected teacher harassing student...

......

Sardar( a person from the state of Punjab who have a turban on their heads )in computr exam.

Exmnr- wht iz microsoft excel ?

Sardar - i thnk it iz a new brand of surf excel to clean d computer...

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PEMDAS is a North American math acronym for the order of operations: Most students have been taught to remember it thus: Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally. My Students learned: Please Execute My Disgusting Algebra Sub.  

[kejedo]

Q. What's the difference between your dog and your wife?

A. If you lock them both in your car's trunk over-night, the next day, when you open it, your dog will still be happy to see you.

 

PS. When my unbelieving husb used to study, his study conductor shared this piece of information.

 

PPS: My little dog is in the bedroom watching the Waltons. My neighbor's dog (I am the neighborhood free dog walker/ dog sitter) is sitting in the living room waiting for Jeopardy. MY Bischon Frise (Who died at age Five,) was a Judge Judy fan. One day I came home from work and said to him."Cmon, let's Watch Judge Judy." Put on the TV and Judge Judy was pre-empted. I put on Judge Pierro instead. My older, female dog, was just as happy, but my little Boo was growling at the TV.  

[Friends just call me Ross]

Here's a joke that I read in The Reader's Digest, some 40+ years ago.

Being an old farmer, myself, it till makes me snicker. 

 

One Maine Winter, there was a terrible, raging blizzard.

 

The only person to show up for Sunday church services, was an old farmer.

 

The preacher looked out over all the empty pews and asked the old farmer, "What should I do?"

 

The old farmer thought for a moment and then said, "Yah know, preacher,

when I go out to feed the cows in a bad snowstorm, and only one shows up, I feed her."

 

So, the preacher went through his entire Sunday church service,

replete with a 90 minute 'hellfire & brimstone' sermon.

 

After the service, he asked, "Well, how did I do?"

 

The old farmer thought for a moment and then said, "Yah know, preacher,

when I go out to feed the cows in a bad snowstorm, and only one shows up, I feed her.  

But, I don't give her the whole damn load."

 

 

   

[Qapla]

A rancher from Texas went to Maine to look at a farm that was for sale.

 

He asked the old Maine farmer, "Just how big is your farm?"

 

The Maine farmer told him that from where they were standing they were right next to the front left corner. He then pointed to a fencepost a sort distance down the lane and told him that was the other front corner. Then, after taking a few steps he pointed out a stand of trees next to a nice running brook and said that was the back left corner. He motioned the Texan a few feet down the lane and pointed to a lone tree on a small rise and explained that was the far right corner.

 

The Texan shook his head and said, "Son, you can get in the truck on one side of my land down home, drive all day, and you still wont be to the other side of my ranch."

 

The Maine farmer looked at him and replied, "Yep, I had a car like that once, myself"

[kejedo]

Since we have a couple of Maine references,  I will add a reworked theory of relativity:

65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Maine plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Mainers sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Maine drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Maine throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York city landlords finally turn up the heat.
Mainers have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero:
People in Miami all collapse.
Maine folks close the windows.

At 20 below zero Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Maine get out their winter coats.

30 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Maine let the dogs sleep indoors.

At absolut zero nearly all molecular functions desist.
.Maine public schools will have a 2 hour delay.