A good joke

[pnutts]

Just noticed something about Chris. His wife's name is Emma. Our young group overseer ( just made elder this year ) in apartment just above ours, his name is Chris and his wife's name is Emma.

One thing I have noticed about our Chris and Emma on Zoom is that when one wears glasses the other doesn't and visa versa. Of course I had to mention it to him when he dropped off some printed literature 2 days ago. 👽

[bohemian]

American president Joe Biden is visiting a Glasgow hospital. Ho enters a ward full of patients with no obvious signs of injury of illness. He greets one. The patient replies :

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain of the pudding race,Aboon them a ye take our place. Painch,tripe or thaim. Aslangs my arm."

Biden is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The next patient responds :

"Some hae meat an canna eat, And some wad meat that want it, But we hae meat an we can eat, So let the Lord be thankful."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the President moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant :

"Wee sleekit,cowering,timorous beasty, O the panic in thy breastie, Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Biden turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward ?"

"No" says the doctor " Its our serious burns unit ". 

[Tortuga]

36 minutes ago, bohemian said:

burns

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Burns

[dove]

12 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Burns

Did'na get it til ye sed it...

Edited September 26, 2021 by Dove

[dilip kumar]

[Skye]

[bohemian]

 

 

 

 

[Luigi62]

Jokes from Siri.

 

 

 

Edited October 10, 2021 by Luigi62

[bohemian]

What do you call a dead hippo?
 

A Hippo Posthumous

[pnutts]

What do you call someone who is over 600 pounds?

Spoiler

Hippo Ponderous

 

[bohemian]

You can now get a lawyer from IKEA in the UK.

 

They are cheap but you have to build your own case.

[bohemian]

I'm trying to start a dog walking business. So far it's been hard to find customers, but I do have several leads.

[Tortuga]

31 minutes ago, bohemian said:

I'm trying to start a dog walking business. So far it's been hard to find customers, but I do have several leads.

That sounds like a good business, it will give you a new leash on life..

[bohemian]

[bohemian]

[bohemian]

[Skye]

[bohemian]

[rocket]

Maybe they won't notice.😂

 

 

[bohemian]

What’s small, red and whispers?

 

 

A hoarse radish.

[Qapla]

[bohemian]

I recently heard about a children'sn novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure.

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

[bohemian]

A lorry loaded with thousands of thesauruses crashed on the motorway yesterday, shedding books over all 3 lanes. Witnesses were described as stunned, shocked, stupefied, startled, aghast, taken aback, confused, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless and perplexed.

[Qapla]

41 minutes ago, bohemian said:

A lorry loaded with thousands of thesauruses

 

Are we to understand that a Lorry is a truck, carryall, crate, dump, eighteen-wheeler, four by eight, four by four, freighter, pickup, rig, semi, van, wagon, big rig?

 

 

[bohemian]

Heading to the pub I spotted a poor old soul with a fishing rod trying to catch a fish in a puddle, he was freezing so I took him into the bar, treated him to a whisky, and asked him how many he'd caught...
You're the 8th he said...