A good joke

[Keep Fighting]

[Keep Fighting]

[Keep Fighting]

[Keep Fighting]

A prime minister visited a psychiatric institution and was shown around by the manager "How do you find out if people are crazy enough to be admitted"?
"We fill a bathtub with water, give them a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket and ask them to empty the tub"
"Oh!" Said the Prime Minister. "Surely the normal ones use the bucket as it's the quickest way?
"No" replied the manager "the normal ones pull out the stopper!
Do you want a bed by the window?"

[Keep Fighting]

There was a man in a nursing home who was fishing in a sink. The nurse says to him: you won't catch much fish there. No, you're crazy, that's not possible. The nurse moved on. The resident then said to another resident: "You never tell anyone how many fish you catch in the best fishing spots.

[Pabo]

On 9/18/2023 at 7:07 PM, Keep Fighting said:

 

My wife (in her previous marriage) when she was studying had some opposition from her mother (and also other family members) about studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses. Then one day, due to the constant nagging from her mother got the better of her, in a fit of anger, she threw the Live Forever book at her mother and told her to "go home and read it for yourself" before she makes anymore remarks regarding the witnesses and the Bible. Her mother went home, read the book and then came back a couple of days and said that my wife was right, that it was the truth. She eventually also got baptised as a witness a short time later.

Edited September 20, 2023 by Pabo

[Keep Fighting]

God said to the donkey: Thou shalt be called a donkey. You shall bray all day long and be called stupid. You shall be 20 years old.
The donkey replies: That doesn't sound like a good life. Can't we say I'll be 5 years old?
God accepts.

Then God created the dog. God said, you will be called a dog, live as a subjugated animal, live off scraps at the dinner table and look after the house. You will be 35 years old. The dog answers: Why don't we say I will be 15 years old? God accepts.
Then God created the parrot.
God said: You shall be called a parrot. You will sit in the corner of the living room and repeat what people say, much to everyone's annoyance. You will live to be 75 years old. The parrot: Why don't we settle for me turning 50?
God accepts.
Then God created man.
God said: You shall be a man, man, you shall live a good life. You shall be wise and intelligent, and you shall rule and decide over this world. You will live for 20 years. 
Man: That sounds like a really good life, but can it last a little longer? (This is where the man uses his intelligence for the first time) Can't I have the 15 years that the donkey didn't want, the 20 years that the dog refused and the 25 years that the parrot didn't want?
God accepted.
So the man lives a good life until he is 20 years old. Then he gets married. For the next 15 years he spends all day bray like a donkey and becomes coldly stupid. Then he has children, lives off scraps from the table, and looks after the house for the next 20 years. For the last 25 years, he sits in the corner of the living room and repeats everything people say, much to everyone's annoyance.

[Keep Fighting]

The wife is waiting for her husband to come home from the pub, as usual he is drunk. The wife is waiting with a rolling pin in her hand. She says when he comes in, you drink and drink. He replies and you bake and you bake.

[Tortuga]

Apparently this weekend there is going to be constant rane, hale, gails, drissle, thundre, litnig, hey tydes, tawnadoes, frizzin colde.

 

A really bad spell of wether...

 

 

(I'll give you a minute to look at that again...🤣)

[Dolce vita]

You're Scottish ?

[Tortuga]

1 hour ago, Tortuga said:

Apparently this weekend there is going to be constant rane, hale, gails, drissle, thundre, litnig, hey tydes, tawnadoes, frizzin colde.

 

A really bad spell of wether...

 

 

(I'll give you a minute to look at that again...🤣)

Spoiler

Bad spell.....

 

[CHecker]

2 hours ago, Tortuga said:

Apparently this weekend there is going to be constant rane, hale, gails, drissle, thundre, litnig, hey tydes, tawnadoes, frizzin colde.

 

A really bad spell of wether...

 

 

(I'll give you a minute to look at that again...🤣)

He's not Scottish just  mischievous 😆😆

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[davanz]

This reminds of the story of a snail creeping along the sidewalk when it was attacked by a gang of slugs. When an investigating law officer asked it to describe what had happened, it replied, “I can’t remember because it all happened so fast”.

[Pabo]

A man walks into the toy shop and asked the salesperson "How much for one of the Barbies in the display window?"

The salesperson answers "Which one do you mean sir? We have Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95. We also got Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $265.95"

The father asked amazedly "It's what?! Why is Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others are only $19.95?"

The salesperson roles her eyes and sighs and answers "Sir, the Divorced Barbie come with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's Harley, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture and Ken's computer."

 

[Frances Bennett]

I love watching baking shows on TV, my favourite is The Great British Bake off. 

 

Recently I streamed The Great Australian Bake off. It was good but I found the behaviour of some of the cooks a little confusing.

 

One of the bakers made a meringue, all the other contestant started cheering and cheering!

 

Very strange...Australians usually boo meringue.

 

 

[Tortuga]

2 hours ago, Frances Bennett said:

I love watching baking shows on TV, my favourite is The Great British Bake off. 

 

Recently I streamed The Great Australian Bake off. It was good but I found the behaviour of some of the cooks a little confusing.

 

One of the bakers made a meringue, all the other contestant started cheering and cheering!

 

Very strange...Australians usually boo meringue.

 

 

I had to read that twice before I got it... 

[Lori]

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

10 hours ago, Tortuga said:

I had to read that twice before I got it... 

Sometimes a bad joke just comes back to hit you on the head.  🪃 

[Pabo]

Jesus and Moses were out fishing on a lake and Jesus asked Moses "Hey, can you still do your thing?"

Moses replied, "I don't know. Let's see if I still got it."

Moses stood up, extended his arms forward and the lake split in two, causing the boat to drop onto the dry lake bed. Moses happily exclaimed, "Yep, I can still do it". He then closed his arms and the lake returned to it's normal state with the boat rising on top of it.

He then turned to Jesus and asked, "How about you? Can you still do it?"

Jesus replied "There's only one way to find out."

Jesus stood up and jumped out of the boat and began walking on the lake.

However, after a few steps he lost his balance and fell into the water, starting to drown. Moses rushed to Jesus' rescue and pulled him out of the water.

When Jesus was finally safe, Moses looking perplexed asked him "How did you fall into the water?"

Jesus still catching his breath replied, "I still have holes in my feet from that day".

Edited October 31, 2023 by Pabo

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[Tortuga]

35 minutes ago, Keep Fighting said:

Safety first!!!!