A good joke

[IcemanEli]

How does Moses make tea?

He-BREWS It!


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[Mike047]

Elijah, surely the old ones are indeed the best!

 

And:

 

Bus stop. No waiting 

Dogs must be carried on the escalators

Happy hour - 5pm - 7pm

Bargain basement upstairs

 

[Keep Fighting]

The man with the cane says: I'm 83 years old, full of gout and ailments, what about you Ola?
The man with the hat says: Like a newborn baby.

 

 

Next picture, the man with a cane says: REALLY! Like a newborn baby?
The man with the hat says: Yes! No hair, no teeth, and pees in my pants

[Mike047]

Great one, Rune.

 

Some more golden book oldies:

 

The Great Gas Bill  by Scott Fitzgerald

Colour Me Purple by Alice Walker

Tess of the Dormobiles by Thomas Hardy

Donkey Oats by Miguel de Cervantes 

 

And some other strange books:

 

Old Age: Its cause and prevention

Bombproof your Horse

The Care and Feeding of Stuffed Animals

 

 

[Mike047]

There may already be a forum topic on this. If so please add it into that set.

 

Anyway, here's 'one for the road':

 

There was a man driving along a country lane (of which there are many in the UK), it as quite late and dark. His car headlights were on, he was listening to some light classical music and tapping the steering wheel with his left hand. Suddenly, he noticed out of the corner of his eye, a small creature bounding into the road. He felt the bump as the creature hit his car and bounced forward. He performed an emergency stop and shakily got out of the car.

He walked forward and looked down at the poor creature, and saw it was clearly dead. As he was standing there another car came up behind has and stopped. A young woman got out of the car and came forward “is there a problem”? she said. “Yes”, replied the man, I think I‘ve just killed a rabbit. It just came out in front of me, and I had no time to stop.

 

“That’s too big for a rabbit! Said the young woman, “but wait here a minute”. She walked back to her car and returned shortly after with a large aerosol can. The man watched as she leaned over the animal, and started to spray the can onto the length of its body. The stood waiting patiently and, after a couple of minutes the creature stirred and sat up. It looked around and shook itself, then got up and started to hop off down the road, as it went it kept turning and waving to them.

 

The man was amazed! “That’s incredible, what you did there. You saved that animals life. How did you do it? What is that special can you have there”?  The young woman looked back at the man and smiled “Oh, this” she pointed to the aerosol can, “this is hair restorer with a permanent wave”.

 

And this was nothing like a good joke.

[Tortuga]

You will enjoy the Joke section 

https://jwtalk.net/topic/19849-a-good-joke/

[Mike047]

A man went in for a test on his mental stability. ""I am going to cover your left eye" said the doctor, and promptly did so. "I want you to tell me what I have done to you" the doctor said to the man. "You have made me partially blind" said the man. "Now", said the doctor "I am going to cover your other eye, too" and he did so. "I want you to tell me what I have now done to you" the doctor said to the man. "You have made me totally blind" the man replied. "Well done", you are sane and sensible, said the doctor, and the man left the consulting room.

 

Outside, another man was also waiting for the same test. The first man, knowing that the second man had problems told him "Don't worry, he will ask you two questions, the answer to the first is 'partially blind' and the answer to the second is 'totally blind'". "Thanks, said the second man.

 

The second man went in for his test on his mental stability. ""If I cut off your left ear" said the doctor,  "I want you to tell me what I would have done to you". "You would have made me partially blind" said the man. "Now", said the doctor "If I cut off your other ear, too, I want you to tell me what I have now done to you". "You have made me totally blind" the man replied.

 

The doctor asked how is this so. The man replied "with one ear cut off, my hat falls over one eye, and with the other ear cut off, my hat falls down over both eyes and I am totally blind"

 

Both men were discharged.

[Tortuga]

5 minutes ago, Mike047 said:

A man went in for a test on his mental stability. ""I am going to cover your left eye" said the doctor, and promptly did so. "I want you to tell me what I have done to you" the doctor said to the man. "You have made me partially blind" said the man. "Now", said the doctor "I am going to cover your other eye, too" and he did so. "I want you to tell me what I have now done to you" the doctor said to the man. "You have made me totally blind" the man replied. "Well done", you are sane and sensible, said the doctor, and the man left the consulting room.

 

Outside, another man was also waiting for the same test. The first man, knowing that the second man had problems told him "Don't worry, he will ask you two questions, the answer to the first is 'partially blind' and the answer to the second is 'totally blind'". "Thanks, said the second man.

 

The second man went in for his test on his mental stability. ""If I cut off your left ear" said the doctor,  "I want you to tell me what I would have done to you". "You would have made me partially blind" said the man. "Now", said the doctor "If I cut off your other ear, too, I want you to tell me what I have now done to you". "You have made me totally blind" the man replied.

 

The doctor asked how is this so. The man replied "with one ear cut off, my hat falls over one eye, and with the other ear cut off, my hat falls down over both eyes and I am totally blind"

 

Both men were discharged.

Its a good thing that he didn't need glasses, without ears he wouldn't have anything to hang them on...

[Dustparticle]

What question would you ask a cop? Where is the rest of the Village People?

[Pabo]

41 minutes ago, Dustparticle said:

What question would you ask a cop? Where is the rest of the Village People?

 

Wouldn't they all be at the YMCA? Or "In the Navy"?

[Tortuga]

What do you call a bear that loves and hates the snow at the same time?

 

A Bi-polar bear....

[Mike047]

What do you call a man who has been dead for 1,000 years?

 

Peat

[Tortuga]

Its incorrect to say that you run through a campsite, you ran through it. Its always in the past tents....

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

we need more emojis for times like this.... **shakes head**

[Tortuga]

Google added the tent to this weather forecast because it was so in tents...

 

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

Google added the tent to this weather forecast because it was so in tents...

*** still shakes head with anquished expressing and crying tears while pulling hair out *** emoji

Old (Downunder) Tone

[Mike047]

You know what they say 'there's nothing like a good joke', and that was nothing like a good joke

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

Yup

Nope

[davanz]

A man went to prison, and right away observed something he did not understand. From time to time, while just sitting in his cell, someone down the corridor, in another cell, would yell out a number. And there would be laughter thru out. After a while, he was informed that this was inmates telling jokes. That all of their jokes were so old, and had been retold so many times, that everybody knew all the jokes. So, to save time, they had numbered the jokes. Now, when someone wanted to tell a joke, they just called out the number, and as the inmates then remembered that particular joke, it would elicit laughter.

 

So, after a few days, the new guy decided to tell a joke, and remembered that number 27 seemed to get a good response. He loudly shouted out, "twenty seven".  Hardly any response other than a few groans. Puzzled, he asked his cellmate why the poor response to a favorite joke? The cellmate told him, "well, you know how it is, some people know how to tell a joke, others do not".

 

 

 

 

[Tortuga]

6 hours ago, ➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone said:

 

 

*** still shakes head with anquished expressing and crying tears while pulling hair out *** emoji

Old (Downunder) Tone

 

 

We went camping and I told my wife that I had set up the tent, I wasn't really finished setting it up so it was a false pre tents..

[bagwell1987]

Just now, Tortuga said:

We went camping and I told my wife that I had set up the tent, I wasn't really finished setting it up so it was a false pre tents..

Ohhhh, you're a master of groaners 😅

[computerwiz]

Just now, bagwell1987 said:

Ohhhh, you're a master of groaners 😅

 

In order for a joke to be matured it has to be full groan.  😁

[Tortuga]

4 hours ago, davanz said:

A man went to prison, and right away observed something he did not understand. From time to time, while just sitting in his cell, someone down the corridor, in another cell, would yell out a number. And there would be laughter thru out. After a while, he was informed that this was inmates telling jokes. That all of their jokes were so old, and had been retold so many times, that everybody knew all the jokes. So, to save time, they had numbered the jokes. Now, when someone wanted to tell a joke, they just called out the number, and as the inmates then remembered that particular joke, it would elicit laughter.

 

So, after a few days, the new guy decided to tell a joke, and remembered that number 27 seemed to get a good response. He loudly shouted out, "twenty seven".  Hardly any response other than a few groans. Puzzled, he asked his cellmate why the poor response to a favorite joke? The cellmate told him, "well, you know how it is, some people know how to tell a joke, others do not".

72!

 

Oh wait, I hate when I give away the punchline 😖

 

27!

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

We went camping and I told my wife that I had set up the tent, I wasn't really finished setting it up so it was a false pre tents..

Any more....?

Old (Downunder) Tone

[Mike047]

I was toying with the idea of camping, it was just a tentative idea