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Our six-year-old handed us a note. His teacher had called my wife and I in for an emergency meeting. We asked our son if he had any idea why, and he said, "She didn't like a drawing I did." We went in the next day. His teacher pulled the drawing below out and said, "I asked him to draw his familv and he drew this. Would you mind explaining?" "Not at all." my wife said.

A husband and wife were fast a sleep one night when a loud knock echoed through the house. The husband groggily rolled over and glanced at the clock, 3:30 A.M. and grumbled his way downstairs to see who could possibly be at the door. When he opened it there stood a drunk man, swaying slightly with a sheepish grin on his face. "Hey there. buddy," the stranger slurred. "Can you give me a push?" The husband scowed, "Are you kidding me? It's half past three in the morning. Go Home." And with that he slammed the door and stomped back up stairs. Climbing into bed he told his wife what happened. She sat up and gave him the look. "Dave," she said "that wasn't very nice. Remember when our car broke down in the rain and you had to knock on a stranger's door for help? What if he had told you to get lost?" Feeling guilty Dave sighed, got dressed, grabbed his shoes, and even gathered some tools ready for whatever car trouble the man might have. He opened the door and called out into the Dark. "Hey, you still need that push?" A cheerful voice replied, "yes please." Where are you?" Dave shouted. The drunk answered,

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Do you know why married women are heavier than single women? Because single women come home and see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home and see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Thank you! I really a`

Ya, me too, now I enjoy blond and bald jokes. Pokes fun at myself.

A blonde is tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies, yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a Frog, Grandpa?" Grandpa, being in a kind of ill mood, responds,"No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now." So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa again says, "No. not now. I don't really want to do that. I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later." Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... Please will you make a sound like a frog?" "Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked. The little boy replied with a hopeful face,

That's Good because some things in life need forgetting.

A Witness couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably behind it. The boy's mother heard that an Elder in the Cong. had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The Elder agreed but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8 year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the Elder in the afternoon. The Elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the Elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the Elder raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and hid in his wardrobe. When his older brother found him, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk shouts, "Yes I am!" So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, "Brother have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus." The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, brother?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus." At this point the preacher is at his wit's end and dunks the drunk again- but this time, he holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?!" The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it. One day she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

On Monday I had a brother from the Spanish Congregation alsong with a brother from the English Congregation mow my lawn. Both are in their 20's. The Spanish brother is an illegal from Mexico and as such cannot be used as a MS or elder in the Congregation. He is registered with the government and is subject to be deported any day they choose. The problem is, he did not break any laws coming to this country. He was 3 years old when his parents brought him here. He can be deported to a country he has never lived in before. Is that fair? Is that the way Jehovah said to treat foreign residents? What is God's thinking? Deut. 10:19 You too must love the foreign resident, for you became foreign residents in the land of Egypt. Leviticus 19:34 "The foreigner who resides with you should become to you like a native among you; and you must love him as yourself, for you were foreign residents in the land of Egypt. I am Jehovah your God." NW Leviticus 19:34 "The immigrant that lives with you shall be the same to you as a native of your own stock, and you shall love him as yourself, because you were immigrants in Egypt; I am your God Jehovah." Byington Was Jesus thinking as a model for Christians any different? How did he treat the Samaritans? They were hated by the Jews.

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, and auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?" She replied,

Do you know why French people like to eat snails?