Brothers In USA, please confirm - marriage custom

[TRUTH04]

Do jws in africa must pay bride price? Or is it something worldly people do there?

Oh my, you can't marry theocratically or legally without paying the bride price here. It is stipulated in the law. Also you have to give a notice as in form A, issued form C, and finally be issued with a certificate as in form E.

I don't know much about the form A, C and E procedure.

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[Life4u]

4 hours ago, Pjdriver said:

Chigozie

this brother is telling  you some things that are not true at all and other things that are worse case scenarios, not the norm.

Most information can be researched  in our publications, do you all have asset to the same information we do? I think you should, why believe word of mouth when you can research it even on the internet? 

 

What's a bride price? Money,  material goods etc?

Edited October 10, 2017 by Life4u

[Fiona]

1 hour ago, TRUTH04 said:

No he speaks it as the norm. Many of us that listen to it has began to make judgment and view westerners that way - as being unfair to men. He tops it up by stating that your privilege could be taken away if you refuse to hand the dollar and do dishes. He may be exaggerating the whole issue, but he speaks with certainty. Many of us haven't been there, so we don't know. Again, he is a respected brother.

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Wow, well, I can only speak from my experiences.

My husband helps with housework and cooking etc, as I help with work and the yard.

We work as a team. But ultimately my husband is my head. But maybe headship is different in different cultures. My husband as a head seeks my opinion and thoughts. Weighs an issue and generally we decide TOGETHER, and then work TOGETHER.

There has been a handful of times in our married life that I have totally disagreed with his decision. But as he is my head we have worked together and looking back its been the right decision.

I think weddings are a very personal thing and no real time is given. Ive known some who have known each other for a few weeks before deciding to get married.

My husband and I were close friends for 4 yrs before we started dating. We were engaged 6 months, just enough time to plan a wedding. We used our hall without paying a cent and had a very cheap reception.

I think as a whole society is making men look stupid, but that should NOT be creeping into the congregations.

Maybe this brother was from a bad area? Or a weak congregation?
I dont see his sweeping statements as being the norm at all.

 

And to be honest I find it weird that witnesses follow customs alot. To me, as Jehovahs people we are one, and have our OWN culture.

I guess it can include ones country culture but only if it doesnt interfere with Jehovahs.

 

 

Edited October 10, 2017 by Fiona
Added

[Brandon]

2 hours ago, Fiona said:

as Jehovahs people we are one, and have our OWN culture.

 

I was literally thinking the exact same thing. We have a "JW culture"  of our own.

 

[Brandon]

4 hours ago, TRUTH04 said:

I mean is spanking viewed generally as child abuse in US?

 

One thing important to note is that even though the USA is a bit more populated than Nigeria, it is significantly larger in land, with many towns spread out across a huge land mass.

 

It can become troublesome even to refer to a "US culture," since there are indeed multiple cultures, depending on which part of the nation you go.

 

When I was younger I often thought of the US as '50 little countries' while Canada was more homogenous, until I realized that we have more divergence inside of Canada too, and simply hadn't visited a lot of the different population centres in my own country!

 

For example, east coast and west coast cultures are definitely two things which do exist with certain differences (it's not a myth).  The east coast was earlier populated by the British, changed over time as Americans wanted to identify as their own, and then the west coast much later, originally being Hispanic, and Spanish still being a 'de facto' second language on the west coast, much more so than the north east states.  You can read a bit more about this cultural distinction here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Coast_of_the_United_States#Culture

 

In contrast to the common liberal values of those on the west coast, you have the deeply religious (Protestant) "Bible Belt" states:

 

 

So for instance, just on the topic of spanking alone, you will see radically different views between Americans in these two different areas; with those in the Bible Belt likely having a positive view of spanking, and those in the mostly liberal west coast taking as opposite a stance as humanly possible.

 

Now this is a bit simplistic, and again, I'm speaking from a sociological standpoint (examining the culture which exists among those in the world, not Jehovah's people) but there is some truth to these generalizations.

 

So you can imagine how complicated and divergent the ideas, values, and peoples are in a country where the population is spread out as highly as that of the US.  Even population density has a east/west coast difference!  With many cities on the east coast having a more urban feel, with more mass and public transit, while the west coast cities tend to be much more designed around automobiles/personal car ownership, etc.

 

Even Canada, which is a population of just one ninth that of the US, has a west coast/east thing (although the east coast culture of the US is more aligned with Ontario and part of Quebec, what is not technically the east coast of Canada but more central-east).

 

Here's another interesting view by an American journalist and professor of culture, in which he posited 9 distinct regions of North America in his book (map too):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nine_Nations_of_North_America

[Pjdriver]

5 hours ago, TRUTH04 said:

No he speaks it as the norm. Many of us that listen to it has began to make judgment and view westerners that way - as being unfair to men. He tops it up by stating that your privilege could be taken away if you refuse to hand the dollar and do dishes. He may be exaggerating the whole issue, but he speaks with certainty. Many of us haven't been there, so we don't know. Again, he is a respected brother.

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Go back and tell him you spoke with brothers and sisters from the US and they say that this is not true or typical. I’m guessing he will back paddle.

[Stavro]

Culture is like an accent, we tend to view our own as having none.

 

Do you use metal tableware and plates while eating? That's part of your culture, and there are many regions where meals are served differently. Do brothers in your area wear a necktie to the meetings? That's another cultural difference that's not shared by all Witnesses.

 

There's nothing wrong with having a culture, or acknowledging that of others. In many cases, the culture was developed to solve a need that might not exist elsewhere. As long as no Scriptural principles are violated, we should embrace the varying lifestyles of one another, just as the organization encourages with the international conventions.

[thegreenjudy]

I also wanted to mention something regarding domestic abuse. Not only could you get into trouble for spanking your kids you can also get your husband arrested for hitting you. 

 

And no, men do not have to hand over their money ..lol.... I wish!  

 

But I personally would never marry someone who refuses to help washing the dishes and clean up the house unless he decides to work full-time and be the sole earner...lol (yeah you heard that right guys!). Taking the lead isn't just about taking the lead in making decisions but also taking the lead in being kind and loving.

[Luezette]

Yes, the laws here against domestic violence are so stringent that, though the woman must present evidence against the man, nines times outta ten the authorities will take her word anyway. 

It used to be that unless she has marks on her, there's nothing the authorities can or will do. 

But now that has changed, which is really good. Yes, unfair as the above may appear, records show that domestic violence is increasing. 

True, some women do take advantage of the law and may make false reports, but Jehovah knows who they are and he says "vengeance is mine."

Edited October 11, 2017 by Luezette

[carlos]

Of course, yelling at your wife or much less hitting her is absolutely inadmissible for any Christian no matter where he lives.

[Luezette]

24 minutes ago, carlos said:

Of course, yelling at your wife or much less hitting her is absolutely inadmissible for any Christian no matter where he lives.

Oh absolutely!! For sure.  

Edited October 11, 2017 by Luezette

[Thesauron]

We have different cultures, and we follow them within the contraints of our Christian culture. We eat different things, dress differently, talk, and quite often think differently. What a Japanese might consider embarrassing would perhaps not be embarrassing or unacceptable to someone from New York. In Sweden you go naked into public saunas, in some parts of the world you’d be arrested if you’d go naked in a public sauna. In some countries you are served a bottle of vodka with the meal, in some a glass of wine, in some places alcohol at the dinner table is frowned upon.

[Luezette]

5 minutes ago, Thesauron said:

We have different cultures, and we follow them within the contraints of our Christian culture. We eat different things, dress differently, talk, and quite often think differently. What a Japanese might consider embarrassing would perhaps not be embarrassing or unacceptable to someone from New York. In Sweden you go naked into public saunas, in some parts of the world you’d be arrested if you’d go naked in a public sauna. In some countries you are served a bottle of vodka with the meal, in some a glass of wine, in some places alcohol at the dinner table is frowned upon.

Even so where in some countries/cultures hitting a woman, even so-called "honor" killings of a women are still unacceptable to Jehovah even in those countries. And unacceptable to USA's authorities as in jail/prison time. 

Even walking behind a man, while tolerated, even expected in certain countries is definitely frowned upon in others.

I remember one such instance where I saw three women, and one man obviously from another country/culture, where the women were walking behind him while he was walking like a peacock. The women wanted to peer into a womens clothing store window. He reluctantly allowed it. But then after a few minutes he snapped his  fingers, and the women fell into place behind him.

I was aghast to say the least! And said to myself "aint no way!" 

At another time, walking to connect to another train on the way home, I saw another couple obviously from another country/culture. He wanted her to walk behind him. But she refused, probably feeling that since she's now living in the USA, she doesn't have to (and she was right). Well, she began walking beside him, he still objected but to no avail. I couldn't help it. I said to myself as if saying to her "that's right baby, you're in the USA now." 

 

[Thesauron]

44 minutes ago, Luezette said:

Even so where in some countries/cultures hitting a woman, even so-called "honor" killings of a women are still unacceptable to Jehovah even in those countries. And unacceptable to USA's authorities as in jail/prison time. 

Even walking behind a man, while tolerated, even expected in certain countries is definitely frowned upon in others.

I remember one such instance where I saw three women, and one man obviously from another country/culture, where the women were walking behind him while he was walking like a peacock. The women wanted to peer into a womens clothing store window. He reluctantly allowed it. But then after a few minutes he snapped his  fingers, and the women fell into place behind him.

I was aghast to say the least! And said to myself "aint no way!" 

At another time, walking to connect to another train on the way home, I saw another couple obviously from another country/culture. He wanted her to walk behind him. But she refused, probably feeling that since she's now living in the USA, she doesn't have to (and she was right). Well, she began walking beside him, he still objected but to no avail. I couldn't help it. I said to myself as if saying to her "that's right baby, you're in the USA now." 

 

I remember my grandfather always walking a few steps ahead of my grandmother. That was just the way they walked, lol. But anyway, you are right. Our Christian culture sets boundaries when it comes to our secular culture. Would you call your husband or wife ‘a miserable donkey’ in front of others? In some cultures, people might, but as Christians we do not do that.

[Qapla]

When we go grocery shopping, if I tried to make sure my wife walked behind me, I'd have to run - she is a fast walker