MARRIAGE AND AGE DIFFERENCE..

[EccentricM]

7 hours ago, Hope said:

Thank you! It used to be.. but I'm 55 now 👵🏽

Seriously thought you were like 45. Hence my above joking "suspcious" reaction😄

[Hope]

7 hours ago, Maria Keerie said:

I would say I'm 55 and lost my husband 4 years ago , but I have to say I couldn't imagine being bothered to get to know a person with a view to marriage again ! iv got to used to having a big bed to myself ! and watching what I want on the TV !

Understood. I've never had the privilege of being married and it's likely I'll never be, but I'd give it a go. It's lame watching TV on my own all the time 😔  Sleeping alone is fairly played out, too

51 minutes ago, EccentricM said:

Seriously thought you were like 45. Hence my above joking "suspcious" reaction😄

Thank you, Matthew. You're a good'un! 😉

[SoCal4me2]

On 12/22/2020 at 1:14 PM, carlos said:

. Romanian brothers usually prefer a wife who is considerably younger than them (with the silly hope that they will manage to mold them to their liking that way).

There is that saying “Marry them young and raise’m the way you want”.

 

I didn’t do that, I just stumble on cutesy sayings that I find hard to resist sharing...

[Nelly Kim]

49 minutes ago, SoCal4me2 said:

There is that saying “Marry them young and raise’m the way you want”.

 

I didn’t do that, I just stumble on cutesy sayings that I find hard to resist sharing

(Laughing) That's not fair ... Sounds so Selfish... Its like ladies are just pets to train... I would've sued the author of that saying if I met him... So unloving ( Pouting ) I blame Eve though... 

Edited December 24, 2020 by Nelly Michael

[SoCal4me2]

But, in all seriousness, I was away from the truth inactive for a period of 15 or 16 years, never married, and when I came back I was still not looking to get married. But I did meet someone, through what I call “time and unforeseen occurrence”. And there is an involved story to it however to cover the topic I was 45 and she was 65, now 22 years later she is 88 and I’m 67. It has been a wonderful time together. I would not trade it for anything. Yes you get the questions of how you met and I give them my scriptural answer.

 

She has a large family that has always been supportive. She has three children and 11 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchildren. More if you count the spouses. Her family could be it’s own congregation, she has Ex-Bethelite grandsons and grandson in law’s, elders and ministerial servant’s and one who is working as a train the trainer in a foreign language. Everyone but two of the grandsons and a few of their family members are not in the truth, but we have hope that they will come back. While not “father” or trying to be father, I have gained enough respect over the years that I have also gained the affectionate “Daddy Tom” name from those children my own age. And like good parents my wife and I try to help whenever there’s a need in whatever way we can.

 

All through our marriage and at the beginning of marriage we spoke about age, And made the point to one another that age is just a number, and it continues to be so. Unfortunately as we have gotten older my wife has been impacted by issues relating to age; she stopped driving two years ago and is encountering health issues you might expect to encounter when you’re 88. We actually have discussed how much more difficult for both of us if we were both 88. Taking care of each other would have difficulties that we do not. It is what you make it and it is what you decide it will be from the very beginning. Reliance on Jehovah‘s guidance is paramount but also we decided at the beginning that the very worst that would come out of us to one another was some annoyance and some irritation because those things are not completely avoidable.
 

So as far as my advice I would say don’t be recognized as “looking”. Just like when you have misplaced something and stop “looking for it” and it suddenly appears. That’s what happens when you “stop looking” for a mate. All the qualities that are the “real you” appear...and so does someone who recognizes and appreciates them, and you. Those that are always looking generally also look to put their best foot forward, which is fine generally but what you want to see are the things that are not the best foot. Yes as the other brother pointed out the videos, they work even when we are older. And really I think you want the funniest one you can find, because humor will carry you through so, so many situations and my wife is the funniest woman I have known. Don’t let the age difference make your choice for you, and don’t let others “rain on your parade” just because of an age difference.
 

[Nelly Kim]

Wow Brother Tom... That's a beautiful one... You are Blessed.

[everyday]

Much todo about age.. Ive had younger brothers.. show interest as well as older brothers... I feel like, why do we have so many superficial rules, or requirements about the person we marry, tall, short, bald, cute, etc.. It’s about who they are as a spiritual person, and what’s inside.. We have forever.. age IS just a number..


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[runner92]

I'll be 30 in a couple years, so I'm afraid I'm going to end up either being someone's 2nd wife or marry a brother quite a bit younger than me. Most people I know married in their mid to late 20s, and it looks like I'll be stuck in the house for the remainder of my 20s. Oh well.

 

I do know I don't want to go beyond 5 years in either direction. 

Edited December 25, 2020 by runner92

[Nelly Kim]

40 minutes ago, runner92 said:

I'll be 30 in a couple years, so I'm afraid I'm going to end up either being someone's 2nd wife or marry a brother quite a bit younger than me. Most people I know married in their mid to late 20s, and it looks like I'll be stuck in the house for the remainder of my 20s. Oh well.

 

I do know I don't want to go beyond 5 years in either direction. 

I understand how you feel dear... With this Covid insisting on making us miserably ( lockdown and all) But I need you to try this, Talk to Jehovah about it, tell him your fears and tell him what you want, if he see's that you'll be happier being married in this system ( because most of us are better off Single, we just don't know it yet) if he sees it'll work out well for you.. He'll surprise you.. Love could come knocking on your door ( smiling) It worked for my Friend during this lockdown... And I agree, 5 years in either direction is safe...

[JennyM]

A wife is bound as long as her husband is alive.+ But if her husband should fall asleep in death, she is free to be married to whomever she wants, only in the Lord.+ 40 But in my opinion, she is happier if she remains as she is; and I certainly think I also have God’s spirit.  1cor7:39-40

[Nelly Kim]

6 minutes ago, JennyM said:

A wife is bound as long as her husband is alive.+ But if her husband should fall asleep in death, she is free to be married to whomever she wants, only in the Lord.+ 40 But in my opinion, she is happier if she remains as she is; and I certainly think I also have God’s spirit.  1cor7:39-40

( smiling) I understand what you mean dear..  

[JennyM]

most likely true, because the domination of men wont go away immediately even though they are jw..... maybe because it has been practiced for years 

[Sister Twister]

On 12/24/2020 at 7:08 AM, SoCal4me2 said:

But, in all seriousness, I was away from the truth inactive for a period of 15 or 16 years, never married, and when I came back I was still not looking to get married. But I did meet someone, through what I call “time and unforeseen occurrence”. And there is an involved story to it however to cover the topic I was 45 and she was 65, now 22 years later she is 88 and I’m 67. It has been a wonderful time together. I would not trade it for anything. Yes you get the questions of how you met and I give them my scriptural answer.

 

She has a large family that has always been supportive. She has three children and 11 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchildren. More if you count the spouses. Her family could be it’s own congregation, she has Ex-Bethelite grandsons and grandson in law’s, elders and ministerial servant’s and one who is working as a train the trainer in a foreign language. Everyone but two of the grandsons and a few of their family members are not in the truth, but we have hope that they will come back. While not “father” or trying to be father, I have gained enough respect over the years that I have also gained the affectionate “Daddy Tom” name from those children my own age. And like good parents my wife and I try to help whenever there’s a need in whatever way we can.

 

All through our marriage and at the beginning of marriage we spoke about age, And made the point to one another that age is just a number, and it continues to be so. Unfortunately as we have gotten older my wife has been impacted by issues relating to age; she stopped driving two years ago and is encountering health issues you might expect to encounter when you’re 88. We actually have discussed how much more difficult for both of us if we were both 88. Taking care of each other would have difficulties that we do not. It is what you make it and it is what you decide it will be from the very beginning. Reliance on Jehovah‘s guidance is paramount but also we decided at the beginning that the very worst that would come out of us to one another was some annoyance and some irritation because those things are not completely avoidable.
 

So as far as my advice I would say don’t be recognized as “looking”. Just like when you have misplaced something and stop “looking for it” and it suddenly appears. That’s what happens when you “stop looking” for a mate. All the qualities that are the “real you” appear...and so does someone who recognizes and appreciates them, and you. Those that are always looking generally also look to put their best foot forward, which is fine generally but what you want to see are the things that are not the best foot. Yes as the other brother pointed out the videos, they work even when we are older. And really I think you want the funniest one you can find, because humor will carry you through so, so many situations and my wife is the funniest woman I have known. Don’t let the age difference make your choice for you, and don’t let others “rain on your parade” just because of an age difference.
 

What a beautiful experience .

[SoCal4me2]

I just remembered a prior comment by someone here (I’m just being a bit lazy by not rereading all the posts here to find it) making a reference to generational differences with a large age difference. I believe they mean growing up with different cultural surroundings such as music, movies, and such like, and those things being somewhat of an added gulf between a couple. I actually have found it to be quite the opposite. As an only child, with my Dad away in the Navy for up to 8 or more months of the year until I was about 12, I spent all of my time with my Mom who loved music a lot and dancing only a little less. So with my wife I know and enjoy all the music from her teens and twenties, plus all the cowboy shows that were big back in the fifties here. So it was really a surprise for both of us that I knew and could sing along (with mixed results) with them when they would come on the radio. A similar surprise came with her enjoyment of the ‘70’s & 80’s music that she knew because of her own children from their teen years. Again, an issue that may be really a non-issue with a little bit of upfront communication. I’m sure there are other “issues” that are really non-issues when experienced.

[Hope]

On 12/23/2020 at 11:08 PM, SoCal4me2 said:

 

So as far as my advice I would say don’t be recognized as “looking”. Just like when you have misplaced something and stop “looking for it” and it suddenly appears. That’s what happens when you “stop looking” for a mate. All the qualities that are the “real you” appear...and so does someone who recognizes and appreciates them, and you. Those that are always looking generally also look to put their best foot forward, which is fine generally but what you want to see are the things that are not the best foot. Yes as the other brother pointed out the videos, they work even when we are older. And really I think you want the funniest one you can find, because humor will carry you through so, so many situations and my wife is the funniest woman I have known. Don’t let the age difference make your choice for you, and don’t let others “rain on your parade” just because of an age difference.
 

Excellent experience and good on you for being a man more concerned with compatibility than age difference!  🥰

 

Only would say to the bolded bit - I was most of my life "not looking". I'm now "looking/hopeful".. for the past 12 years or so.  I've had no takers in either state of being, unfortunately 😕  I'm unsure how anyone is ready for something they're not looking for or how they find it... it's magical to me.  🤷🏽‍♀️  It only confirms to me that marriage is not a gift everyone will receive, despite their desire.  Everything is not *for* everyone 😥

[JennyM]

all of our desires will be given in paradise. For the meantime, we focus on what real happiness comes from... Serving Jehovah. 

[Sister Twister]

6 hours ago, SoCal4me2 said:

I just remembered a prior comment by someone here (I’m just being a bit lazy by not rereading all the posts here to find it) making a reference to generational differences with a large age difference. I believe they mean growing up with different cultural surroundings such as music, movies, and such like, and those things being somewhat of an added gulf between a couple. I actually have found it to be quite the opposite. As an only child, with my Dad away in the Navy for up to 8 or more months of the year until I was about 12, I spent all of my time with my Mom who loved music a lot and dancing only a little less. So with my wife I know and enjoy all the music from her teens and twenties, plus all the cowboy shows that were big back in the fifties here. So it was really a surprise for both of us that I knew and could sing along (with mixed results) with them when they would come on the radio. A similar surprise came with her enjoyment of the ‘70’s & 80’s music that she knew because of her own children from their teen years. Again, an issue that may be really a non-issue with a little bit of upfront communication. I’m sure there are other “issues” that are really non-issues when experienced.

So lovely that you have both enjoyed so much together in your life.

 

My husband and I were basically the same age but had been brought up differently , he had been brought up as the youngest in a family of 7 siblings and much older parents, so had a much wider range of music, films and just general outlook .

 

But thankfully I loved to learn of the things he loved, but even with in similar age group we can be so terribly different. 

[Sister Twister]

6 hours ago, Hope said:

Excellent experience and good on you for being a man more concerned with compatibility than age difference!  🥰

 

Only would say to the bolded bit - I was most of my life "not looking". I'm now "looking/hopeful".. for the past 12 years or so.  I've had no takers in either state of being, unfortunately 😕  I'm unsure how anyone is ready for something they're not looking for or how they find it... it's magical to me.  🤷🏽‍♀️  It only confirms to me that marriage is not a gift everyone will receive, despite their desire.  Everything is not *for* everyone 😥

I do hope you find what you are looking for , if its not in this system you surely will in paradise.

[Nelly Kim]

16 hours ago, Hope said:

Excellent experience and good on you for being a man more concerned with compatibility than age difference!  🥰

 

Only would say to the bolded bit - I was most of my life "not looking". I'm now "looking/hopeful".. for the past 12 years or so.  I've had no takers in either state of being, unfortunately 😕  I'm unsure how anyone is ready for something they're not looking for or how they find it... it's magical to me.  🤷🏽‍♀️  It only confirms to me that marriage is not a gift everyone will receive, despite their desire.  Everything is not *for* everyone 😥

If you've been asking Jehovah for this, and it hasn't happened yet, then it must be that he sees your heart is very open and delicate...Just wait on him... He knows the best time.. Trust me, love is never too late.. Relationship's in this system of things are most times over rated... In the New-world things will be different.. You can love and be loved back unconditionally. .. But tell me dear one, Have you falling in love before?

[Sister Twister]

2 hours ago, Nelly Michael said:

If you've been asking Jehovah for this, and it hasn't happened yet, then it must be that he sees your heart is very open and delicate...Just wait on him... He knows the best time.. Trust me, love is never too late.. Relationship's in this system of things are most times over rated... In the New-world things will be different.. You can love and be loved back unconditionally. .. But tell me dear one, Have you falling in love before?

So wise !  if its good its the best thing in your entire life , but if it not ( I have seen friends in really bad marriages and that can be the worse test as its 24 hours - 7 days) so don't take less then you deserve.

[Nelly Kim]

8 hours ago, Maria Keerie said:

So wise !  if its good its the best thing in your entire life , but if it not ( I have seen friends in really bad marriages and that can be the worse test as its 24 hours - 7 days) so don't take less then you deserve.

So true. I saw an article in the watchtower once... Don't remember it. But these words stuck with me... It encouraged single ones.. Don't settle for less. Less in the sense of what you desire in a mate.. Because, getting married just for the sake of being married can ruin your life and could make one loss out on everlasting life, because, fights within, can get one so distracted that you no longer focus on your relationship with Jehovah, It could even lead to being emotionally attached to someone else. 24 hour 7 days can be a nightmare with the wrong person. 

[Hope]

14 hours ago, Nelly Michael said:

If you've been asking Jehovah for this, and it hasn't happened yet, then it must be that he sees your heart is very open and delicate...Just wait on him... He knows the best time.. Trust me, love is never too late.. Relationship's in this system of things are most times over rated... In the New-world things will be different.. You can love and be loved back unconditionally. .. But tell me dear one, Have you falling in love before?

Yes

[Cushi]

I’m 34. I love intelligent and wise women with a lot of experience in life but I’m more physically attracted to young women (ages 25 to 30) It’s funny I came across this thread because this morning I was just thinking how I would love to have an older woman with a youthful appearance in the new world. But I imagine she would end up being either young or new to the scene (having been resurrected recently) because beautiful sisters would get taken by brothers rather quickly.

Edited December 27, 2020 by Brother Jack

[Sister Twister]

28 minutes ago, Brother Jack said:

I’m 34. I love intelligent and wise women with a lot of experience in life but I’m more physically attracted to young women (ages 25 to 30) It’s funny I came across this thread because this morning I was just thinking how I would love to have an older woman with a youthful appearance in the new world. But I imagine she would end up being either young or new to the scene (having been resurrected recently) because beautiful sisters would get taken by brothers rather quickly.

Some 25 to 30 year olds that I know are really wise and have life experience especially when they have moved out and lived alone , they are often have to be very mature to do this.

 

at 34 , 25 to 30 sounds like a good age for you not to young but a good age for knowing what want and what they are looking for .

 

We have a lovely sister who is 27 but has had a difficult family situation but she is strong , spiritual and I some times seems more mature that many much older then herself.

 

She is way past just looking at appearance and looks only at spiritual qualities as being interesting in a partner .... she hasn't found one yet. 

[Cushi]

17 minutes ago, Maria Keerie said:

Some 25 to 30 year olds that I know are really wise and have life experience especially when they have moved out and lived alone , they are often have to be very mature to do this.

 

at 34 , 25 to 30 sounds like a good age for you not to young but a good age for knowing what want and what they are looking for .

 

We have a lovely sister who is 27 but has had a difficult family situation but she is strong , spiritual and I some times seems more mature that many much older then herself.

 

She is way past just looking at appearance and looks only at spiritual qualities as being interesting in a partner .... she hasn't found one yet. 

I mentioned 25 but 30 is really an ideal age for me. Particularly because of more life experience and experience serving Jehovah. The longer someone has served Jehovah faithfully the more time they have to grow spiritually. Of course younger women have a more youthful appearance but wisdom and life experience mean a lot to me. I know that may sound silly coming from someone who’s only 34. 

I personally don’t want to get married in this system of things for several reasons. One of them being the fact that life in this system is very short. Marriage is permanent. I’d rather take my time looking for a mate in the new world. There’s no need to rush looking for a mate. Everyone’s circumstance is different. Some want to find comfort after losing a mate. Some can’t deal with the loneliness anymore. Some may be pioneering and would like someone to provide for them. Some may want a step father or mother for their child or children and others simply want sexual relief. And then there’s some like me who have no problem waiting for the right one to come along.