A good joke

[Friends just call me Ross]

6 minutes ago, campanula said:

Child's question: When a turtle is out of its shell how should I call it - homeless or nacked?

How about 'deceased'. 

Or, what about 'Richard'...when his avatar is a monkey, instead of a turtle.

[kejedo]

When a turtle is out of its shell it is spineless and it's called 'dead.'  (It won't answer).  As for applying this biological spec to one whose profile is theoretically changed from reptile to mammal: Not my circus; not my monkey.

[Tortuga]

16 hours ago, campanula said:

Child's question: When a turtle is out of its shell how should I call it - homeless or nacked?

I think it is called 'soup'....

[kejedo]

And where would this new Simian profile pic go for a few libations? Monkey bars.   Did someone recently  use the word "playground?"  

 

Edited February 2, 2016 by kejedo

[pnutts]

Isn't there a shelless turtle?  Didn't Richard come out of his shell?

[Old]

Can JWTalk be sued for copyright infringement? I seems Richard's new avatar is suing for his rights. 

PETA suit claims monkey holds copyright to famous selfie

http://www.cnn.com/2015/09/23/world/monkey-selfie-peta-lawsuit/

Does "Monkey see, Monkey do" no longer apply?

This could be serial! 

[Lance]

I will sign an affidavit that it bears a striking resemblance to the said person...

[Tortuga]

59 minutes ago, Old said:

Can JWTalk be sued for copyright infringement? I seems Richard's new avatar is suing for his rights. 

PETA suit claims monkey holds copyright to famous selfie

http://www.cnn.com/2015/09/23/world/monkey-selfie-peta-lawsuit/

Does "Monkey see, Monkey do" no longer apply?

This could be serial! 

I was going to mention in another thread that I might use this picture as long as it didn't infringe on the monkeys copyright...

 

Hold on...

 

Wow, there is a guy at the door dressed  like a silver-back gorilla, someone must have sent me a gag telegram.... 

Edited February 3, 2016 by Tortuga

[dilip kumar]

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[dilip kumar]

( right now i am going thru this. Gayu learning to drive😉)

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[dilip kumar]

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[Old]

2 hours ago, Tortuga said:

I was going to mention in another thread that I might use this picture as long as it didn't infringe on the monkeys copyright...

 

Hold on...

 

Wow, there is a guy at the door dressed  like a silver-back gorilla, someone must have sent me a gag telegram.... 

Oh no, changed again. Now no one will know what the joke was.  

2 hours ago, Tortuga said:

 

 

[gayathri]

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[dilip kumar]

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[dilip kumar]

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[gayathri]

This is a good one......

A Boss Asks his Employee: “Do you believe that there is Life After Death?”.

Employee: “Certainly not, there’s no proof of it”.

Boss:  “Well, there is......

After you left early yesterday to go to your cousin’s funeral, he came here looking for you.” 

 

[Old]

On a more serious note

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. 

The batteries were given out free of charge. 

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. 

A will is a dead giveaway. 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 

A boiled egg is hard to beat. 

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?   He's all right now. 

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired. 

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered. 

He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 

When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. 

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.    

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

 

[dilip kumar]

A guy in plane
 stood up & shouted
“HIJACK!”
All passengers got scared & raised
 Hands
 .
 .
 From other end Of the plane a guy
 shouted back
 .
 .
 .
“Hi JOHN” 

[bohemian]

I got a job yesterday!  I was filling those helium balloons for parties.

 

I quit after an hour.

 

I wasn't going to let them speak to me in that tone of voice!

[Qapla]

What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He then addressed the men.

"Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Frank leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered,

"Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?"

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

[Tortuga]

51 minutes ago, Qapla said:

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy started when the Scribes missed the letter 'R' in Celebrate...

[dilip kumar]

Child :
I am confused...I dont want to study....Biology teacher told me cell means basic of life in the body...Physics teacher told me cell means Battery.......Then Economics teacher told me sell means selling things. And History teacher told me cell means prison...whtz this..now u r  telling me that cell means mobile..I dont know what's right...u tell me!!

[ronjon]

An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman:
"You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishman:
"Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."

He says to the baker,
"Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!"

The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats. 
Then he says to the baker: 
"Give me another cookie for my magic trick."

The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

Then he says again:
"Give me one more cookie... "

The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:
"And where is your famous magic trick?"

The Scotsman says:
"Look in the Englishman's pocket!"

[dilip kumar]

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[gayathri]

A 72 year old man had one hobby - he loved to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say

again, ''Pick me up. '

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?'

I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age - comes wisdom!