A good joke

[Alexa]

11 hours ago, Tortuga said:

When Ivan woke up that morning he thought it would be just another boring day at the post office but he saw the panic look in his supervisors eyes, he knew something was wrong....

Little thing Ivan knew, his nightmare started; tons of letters needed to deliver in postoffice. "Probably I needed help from Peter to sort this letters", his answer to his supervisor named Tim. Tim agreed. Ivan take his cellphone...

Edited April 14, 2017 by Alexa

[1gemstone]

On April 14, 2017 at 0:35 AM, Alexa said:

Little thing Ivan knew, his nightmare started; tons of letters needed to deliver in postoffice. "Probably I needed help from Peter to sort this letters", his answer to his supervisor named Tim. Tim agreed. Ivan take his cellphone...

 

 Was  dead, at that very moment  the manager,  Boris, could be heard over the loudspeaker saying " mandatory overtime no exceptions!   This mail must be delivered ....

[dilip kumar]

Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged

Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ?

*(This is called "Positive Thinking"* )

Lady to her dietician :- What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.

Doc :- How come???

Lady :- According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet...

*(Now this is called "Positive Attitude" )*

A Man wrote to the bank. "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank".

*(This is self confidence in its peak )*

This one is *classic* !!

A cockroach's last words to a man who wanted to kill it :

"Go ahead and kill me, you coward. You're just jealous because I can scare your wife and you cannot..!!!!"

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[dilip kumar]

[Vinnie]

(I don't remember how the actual joke goes but it's something like this....)

 

A  Rich man visits Italy and decides to take a one day tour along the country side, he has a meeting to get  to the next day so he rents a really fast and  expensive  car.

Half way through his drive the car breaks down. There's no one around, he's in the middle of no where and can't get reception on his phone. So he decides to walk.

One hour  later, he meets an old Italian man walking with his horse.

The rich man thinks, I'm a good rider, I'll just buy this man's horse and be on my way.

He greets the old man and asks - hello do you speak English?

Old man - wella, justa little a bitta

Rich Man - I want to buy your horse. I'll give you $100 for it.

Old Man -wella, I donno, she no looka so good.

Rich Man thinks to himself -oh boy, he's playing me and offers him $300.

Old Man again says -wella, I donno, she no looka so good.

Rich man thinks to himself - oh wow, he really is playing hardball with me so he offer's him $500 for the horse.

And again the Old Man again says -wella, I donno, she no looka so good.

Rich man feels like he's caught between a rock and a hard spot, and says ok, fine. I'll give you $1000 for the horse.

The old man shrugs and says - wella I doono what elsa to say. ok take a da horse.

So , the rich man pays for the horse and trots away.

An hour later , the rich man comes back down the road and complains to the old man - Hey, you sold me a blind horse!

The old man replies back - Wella , I trya tella you, she no looka so good.

 

[kejedo]

Reminded me of an old joke I heard in Maine.  A man from away goes into one of those Maine General Stores  that has a diverse stock of Just-Bout everything.  The visitor has a high falluting horse that he boards in one of the fancier stables.  The visitor tells the shop-keep that he wants to buy a barn blanket for his beloved Hi-Tail.  The store owner goes in back and comes out with a horse blanket, price $75. 

The potential customer asks if he has any of a better grade. Owner goes in back makes some shuffling noises and comes out with the exact same blanket, "This is the finest in the house. You won't find a better blanket for your horse. This one is $150. " Well, that's more like it,"  says  Hi-tail's devoted owner.  Pop-owner keeps a straight face and starts to ring up the sale. "Incidentally, says the customer, I'll that cheap one, too, as a back-up."

 

                                                                                          Y (equine lover) S

[Old]

29 minutes ago, kejedo said:

Reminded me of an old joke I heard in Maine.  A man from away goes into one of those Maine General Stores  that has a diverse stock of Just-Bout everything.  The visitor has a high falluting horse that he boards in one of the fancier stables.  The visitor tells the shop-keep that he wants to buy a barn blanket for his beloved Hi-Tail.  The store owner goes in back and comes out with a horse blanket, price $75. 

The potential customer asks if he has any of a better grade. Owner goes in back makes some shuffling noises and comes out with the exact same blanket, "This is the finest in the house. You won't find a better blanket for your horse. This one is $150. " Well, that's more like it,"  says  Hi-tail's devoted owner.  Pop-owner keeps a straight face and starts to ring up the sale. "Incidentally, says the customer, I'll that cheap one, too, as a back-up."

 

                                                                                          Y (equine lover) S

Okay, I am missing something here. $225 for two $75 dollar horse blankets?

sorry, one should never ask for a joke to be explained.

[Tortuga]

5 minutes ago, Old said:

Okay, I am missing something here. $225 for two $75 dollar horse blankets?

sorry, one should never ask for a joke to be explained.

I'll sell you the answer for $5.

I'll sell you a better answer for $10...

 

[kejedo]

5 minutes ago, Old said:

Okay, I am missing something here. $225 for two $75 dollar horse blankets?

sorry, one should never ask for a joke to be explained.

Sorry, there was only one blanket in the store.  And here I was about to write  another old New England story, Ayuh

[Old]

10 minutes ago, kejedo said:

Sorry, there was only one blanket in the store.  And here I was about to write  another old New England story, Ayuh

Got it, I am kinda slow tonight.

[New World Explorer]

15 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

I'll sell you the answer for $5.

I'll sell you a better answer for $10...

 

I will sell it for $4 and throw a boomerang as a bonus LOL 

[Tortuga]

1 hour ago, Gregexplore said:

I will sell it for $4 and throw a boomerang as a bonus LOL 

Throw in a boomerang....

 

[timpin]

6 hours ago, Old said:

Got it, I am kinda slow tonight.

itsa ok, old man,  you no looka so good an I no charge

Edited April 29, 2017 by timpin

[pnutts]

On 2017-04-28 at 9:17 PM, Vinnie said:

The old man replies back - Wella , I trya tella you, she no looka so good

Heard one similar.

[dilip kumar]

Disciple:
Guruji...help me with the way to find my own inner defects...

Guruji:
Poor fellow, you came all the way to me for this simple problem...

Just say to your wife gently that she has put on weight... She will immediately tell you all the defects that you and your family have been carrying !



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[kejedo]

4 hours ago, dilip kumar said:

... She will immediately tell you all the defects that you and your family have been carrying !



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One thing about being married is that we are always aware, sometimes painfully aware, of our flaws.

[dilip kumar]

My partner is my best critic (and vice versa....)

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[Loopy]

Okay, here's one for you.

 

How did Moses make coffee???

 

Guess!

 

 

I'm waiting!!!!

[dove]

5 minutes ago, Loopy said:

Okay, here's one for you.

 

How did Moses make coffee???

 

Guess!

 

 

I'm waiting!!!!

Hebrews it?

[Loopy]

2 minutes ago, Dove said:

Hebrews it?

Okay, you've heard this one before. Not fair. Thought I'd let this go for a while. 

[dove]

Sorry, didn't know whether you really wanted an answer or not but guessed that's why you asked, so I did. 

[dove]

Okay, maybe you know this one..

 

What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

[Loopy]

2 minutes ago, Dove said:

Okay, maybe you know this one..

 

What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

Single. 

[dove]

That wasn't the answer I had in mind but a good one 

[Loopy]

7 minutes ago, Dove said:

That wasn't the answer I had in mind but a good one 

Thought it was a trick one. Those are the kind that always get me. 

 

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