A good joke

[Jmatthews]

This is actually a true experience, so thanks to my brother for telling me this xD

 

After a usual day in the ministry, my brother (actual sibling) had a funny conversation with another brother. The other brother is a dad, so the conversation went something like this:

 

(K for my sibling, D for the dad)

 

K: Hey, if you ever have another son, you should name him Timothy again.

 

D: Why should I name him that?

 

K: So you can call him 2nd Timothy.

 

That is like the simplest joke ever, but my brother retelling it caught me off guard xD

Edited May 28, 2019 by Jmatthews
Put an emoji for some reason, had to replace it =)

[pnutts]

We have a brother who was made an elder again after an absence of many years due to his wife's ill health.

He is younger than me thus I am 1st Peter and he is 2nd Peter ( he is also shorter than me )

 

He also used to get all us married brothers in trouble. He would hug his wife twice and his wife would always give him a kiss in the Kingdom Hall.

 

Spoiler

I haven't seen her do this since he no longer lifts her out of her wheelchair and put her on a chair.

She is now confined to a wheelchair with neck support.

 

Edited May 28, 2019 by pnutts

[dilip kumar]

Three brothers left home for university and later in life became successful businessmen. Some years later, they chatted about their successes and discussed the gifts they could give their elderly mother who lived in another city.

Milton, the first son said, “I had a big house built for Mama”.

Marvin, the second son said, “I had an expensive theatre built in the house”.

Melvin, the third son said, “You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible but she can’t anymore because she can’t see very well. Well, I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took 20 preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for 20 years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it”.

 

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays the mother sent out her thank you notes.

She wrote: “Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.

“Michael, you gave me an expensive theatre, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture anyway.

“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you!”

 

[Qapla]

     

         

              

                   

                       

[dilip kumar]

Three men are tired after travelling all day and check into a hotel. When they get to reception, they find out they have to walk 75 flights of stairs to get to their room because the elevator is out of order.

The first man suggests they do something interesting to pass time while they walk the 75 flights. He will tell jokes, the second man will sing songs, and the third man will tell sad stories.

So the first man tells jokes for 25 flights, the second man sings songs for 25 flights and the third man tells sad stories for 24 flights.

When they reach the 75th floor, the third man pauses before he tells his saddest story of all,........

“Guys, I left our room key at reception.”

[Loopy]

😁 That would be me! ☹️

[dilip kumar]

A nurse went to discharge her patient. When she walked in the room she saw the man sitting on the edge of the bed, already dressed and with a suitcase at his feet.

The nurse brought in a wheelchair and placed it in front of the man. He looked at the chair in confusion.

“I don’t need that I can walk just fine,” he told her.

“I understand,” the nurse replied. “Although, it’s hospital regulation that everyone has to leave in a wheelchair.”

The man sat down in the chair and allowed the nurse to wheel him out the front. On their way down the nurse asked the man if his wife was coming to pick him up.

“No,” he told the nurse. “She’s upstairs changing out of her hospital gown!”

[Bek]

Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”

 

She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.

 

My parents told me always to tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

 

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)

He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.

 

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

 

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

 

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.

 

Today, my teacher asked us which famous person we admire the most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”

Guess where I am now… 😀

 

 

[Arumuga Raja]

[dilip kumar]

world War 3 

Or Troy 2

 

 

[Musky]

I don't get it?

 

Never mind, I just got it

 

 

 

 

[pnutts]

Irish Humor

 

 

After Thirty years of marriage a husband and wife go
for counseling.

When asked what the problem is, the wife goes into a
tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the
years they had been married.

On and on she goes: neglect, lack of intimacy,
emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable--
an entire laundry list of unmet needs she has endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time,
the therapist gets up, walks around the desk, and after
asking the wife to stand, he embraces her and kisses her
long and passionately as her husband watches with a
raised eyebrow.
The woman shuts up and quietly sits down as though in a
daze.
The therapist turns to the husband and says, "This is
what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can
you do this?

 

 

Spoiler

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and
Wednesday, but on Fridays, I fish."

 

[Gary910]

All the best things are made from "scratch" right?

 

So the other day, I had a recipe for a casserole. It didn't say anything about "scratch". But I wanted it to be the best I could make it. I don't know how much to add, but I think when I have some, I will know.

 

So I went to the store and asked where I could find some "scratch". The store employee looked at me with a look of puzzlement. I went to another store, and another... I googled where to buy some scratch. I can't seem to find any. Can anyone help me to buy some "scratch"? I don't even know what it looks like. I want to make this casserole from scratch.

 

I have heard of making all kinds of things from scratch. So whatever this glorious stuff is, apparently you can make infinite things with it.

[dilip kumar]

All the best things are made from "scratch" right?
 
So the other day, I had a recipe for a casserole. It didn't say anything about "scratch". But I wanted it to be the best I could make it. I don't know how much to add, but I think when I have some, I will know.
 
So I went to the store and asked where I could find some "scratch". The store employee looked at me with a look of puzzlement. I went to another store, and another... I googled where to buy some scratch. I can't seem to find any. Can anyone help me to buy some "scratch"? I don't even know what it looks like. I want to make this casserole from scratch.
 
I have heard of making all kinds of things from scratch. So whatever this glorious stuff is, apparently you can make infinite things with it.

Poor guy....
Scratching to find scratch.

Sent from my Infinix X572 using Tapatalk

[pnutts]

1 hour ago, Gary910 said:

So I went to the store and asked where I could find some "scratch".

You have to go to Newfieland - oh wait! That is Screech. Enough Screech and you don't care about anything.

[Tortuga]

2 hours ago, Gary910 said:

Can anyone help me to buy some "scratch"?

Do you have enough scratch to buy enough scratch?

[Gary910]

2 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

Do you have enough scratch to buy enough scratch?

Actually, I don't know...

 

I don't know how much it costs. Can I make money from scratch?

 

[Qapla]

WOW! You are really itching to get some scratch ...

 

Maybe you should get this book -

[Gary910]

 

2 minutes ago, Qapla said:

WOW! You are really itching to get some scratch ...

 

Maybe you should get this book -

Now... where do I buy this book?

[Gary910]

 

This gets rid of Scratch... why would anyone want to get rid of something that is the best way to make something?

 

I wonder if it dissolves scratch.. or...???

 

And it introduces me to something called "Swirl"... what is that?

[Old]

2 hours ago, Gary910 said:

Actually, I don't know...

... Can I make money from scratch?

 

Scratch that! 

[pnutts]

My wife made a Chocolate Cake from scratch yesterday. Put a tablespoon of Amaretto in the Chocolate icing.

 

Very Moist and Extremely Chocolatey Taste.  It is over 1/2 gone.   Scratch one cake. 🍽️

 

I have only had 3 small pieces and she has had 4. 🍽️

 

She plans on making another one sometime from scratch but I suggested adding Cherries ( as in pie filling ) to it to give that something extra.

 

She said that was a Great Idea. ( after all -I am Peter the Great ) 

 

Might even save a couple of pieces of the next one and share it. If it lasts that long.

[Gary910]

37 minutes ago, pnutts said:

My wife made a Chocolate Cake from scratch yesterday. Put a tablespoon of Amaretto in the Chocolate icing.

 

Very Moist and Extremely Chocolatey Taste.  It is over 1/2 gone.   Scratch one cake. 🍽️

 

I have only had 3 small pieces and she has had 4. 🍽️

 

She plans on making another one sometime from scratch but I suggested adding Cherries ( as in pie filling ) to it to give that something extra.

 

She said that was a Great Idea. ( after all -I am Peter the Great ) 

 

Might even save a couple of pieces of the next one and share it. If it lasts that long.

Please tell us, where she bought or acquired the scratch. When I find out, I can scratch that one off my list.

[Gary910]

2 minutes ago, Gary910 said:

She said that was a Great Idea. ( after all -I am Peter the Great ) 

It is making me HunGary. Wait, isn't there a country named that?

[daydream]

6 hours ago, pnutts said:

 

 

 

 

You have to go to Newfieland - oh wait! That is Screech. Enough Screech and you don't care about anything.

Scratching my head. Oh now, I get the joke and the reason for Tortuga's reaction 

 

<Newfoundland Screech is a rum sold in Newfoundland with 40% alcohol by volume. The term screech is a colloquial term that has been used to describe almost any cheap, high alcohol spirit, including moonshine>

 

I'm allergic to alcohol, so I am a teetotaler.  Scratch me from the list, Peter the Great if you're not high on Screech.

 

Hey, I'm likin' it but I'll have to learn from scratch. From you lot who are always itching for some fun.

Edited June 17, 2019 by M'Awan