I suppose the keyword is “recommend,” not “fix” or decide for someone else. It can be terrifying to feel that you may be held responsible for the failure of another person’s marriage if things do not work out. I have seen brothers and sisters blamed outright when relationships they encouraged eventually failed. Therefore, much depends on how the recommendation is made. Anyone making such a recommendation should encourage a thorough background check, remain objective, and acknowledge from the outset that the relationship may not work out. Culturally, I suspect this may be more of a concern in the East than in the West, although that is only my personal observation.
We should also ask whether biases are influencing the recommendation. I have seen spousal manipulation interfere with otherwise objective referrals. Some recommendations are presented almost like commands rather than suggestions. Consequently, some people no longer seek this kind of help because it can be difficult to separate the recommender’s personal feelings and preferences from an objective assessment.
At the same time, not all men understand women equally well, and the same is true of women. Understanding relationships requires continual study, careful observation, and attentiveness—both within and outside one’s own relationship. My view is simple: recommend where appropriate, assist with an objective investigation, and avoid looming over the person’s final decision.
The person making the recommendation must also recognize that, in modern times, relationship chemistry cannot necessarily be determined through step-by-step, algorithmic, or purely logical reasoning. Ultimately, each person must submit personal desires and inclinations to the desire to do God’s will (Ephesians 2:1–3; 5:6).
During a recent informal witnessing conversation, a Lyft driver—an Afghan man who had served as a lieutenant colonel in U.S. Army intelligence—told me he was married with three children and had never approached or propositioned a woman in his life. When I asked how that was possible, he explained that while he was working far from home, his father simply called him and said, “You are engaged.” His experience reminded me, in some respects, of the arranged marriage involving Abraham’s servant and Isaac in the Scriptures. Maybe there is a lesson in there somewhere.