The Bad Joke thread

[Stoffer]

16 minutes ago, pnutts said:

I'm a blue eyed Was blond.

Now I'm a blue eyed grey & white with some blond. ( What little I have left )

Getting mighty thin up there.

Ha ha me too Peter! At least we'll get it back in the new system... I'll be going for an 80s mullet again!

[bagwell1987]

5 hours ago, Stoffer said:

 At least we'll get it back in the new system... I'll be going for an 80s mullet again!

Nooooo! Some things should be left in the past! Mullet is primo for the idea trash bin.

[Ms. Piffle]

On 6/30/2017 at 9:06 AM, Stoffer said:

A blonde gets fed up of all the thick stereotypes of blonde women so decides to dye her hair brown. Afterwards she goes for a drive in the country to see if her new hair colour has made any difference to her intellect.

 

Apologies to all you blonde sisters out there! 

Q:  What do you call a blonde  who dyes her hair brunette?

A:  Artificial intelligence 

 

 

[bagwell1987]

Oh no, no, no! Artificial intelligence? Booo!

[Raven]

[bohemian]

 

love it!

[dilip kumar]

[walkr2]

Speaking of men: I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”…pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.

[Vinnie]

Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?

So they can hide in Cherry trees.

 

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

See how good it works!

 

[Vinnie]

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.

Why did the pig cross the road? He was following the chicken. 

Why did the dog cross the road? To tell the chicken he's on the wrong side.

Why did the cat cross the road?  Curious to why the chicken crossed the road. 

Why did the sloth cross the road? Come back next week for the answer.

Why did the snail cross the road? It was being chased by the sloth.

Why did the parrot cross the road? It was imitating the chicken. 

Why did the rooster cross the road? To get away from the chicken. 

Why did the psychiatrist cross the road? To listen to a paranoid chicken.

Why did you cross the road? You were distracted by the chicken. 

Why did the transport truck cross the road? Pay attention to your driving and stop looking at chickens!

 

 

[Vinnie]

How do you know a blonde has been at the computer? There's white out on the screen. 

What did the blonde say when she opened the Cheerios box?  Oh look, donut seeds!

 

[walkr2]

Speaking of men - Man: "Havent I seen you somewhere before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore

[Raven]

[walkr2]

They must fit into the "bad joke" category!

[Raven]

2 minutes ago, walkr2 said:

 

 

They must fit into the "bad joke" category!

 

 

[tekmantwo]

If you are out in your garden and happen to catch a bee, what do you have in your eye?

.

.

.

.

.Beauty. 

.

.because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder...

.

.that's bad enough to qualify here, yes?..

[Sheep]

Definitely.

[tekmantwo]

1 hour ago, Sheep said:

Definitely.

Haha...I was checking reddit for breaking news and saw this in the 'dadjoke' section. ..I knew y'all would just love it...

[Stormswift]

Q:  What do you get if you cross an elephant with a sparrow?

 

A: Sagging powerlines!

[bohemian]

Q. Why did the lifeguard save the hippy?

 

A.  He was too far out, man!

[Doug]

Dedicated to all the flooring installers and salespeople out there:

 

DIY customer calls the store to ask the best way to attach the moldings of their new laminate flooring.

Store: "Glue 'em down with Locktite 3XL  adhesive. And put weight on 'em for 24 hours.

Customer: "What should I use for weight"?

Store:" Heck, we've heard of people that used a can of peas".

Customer: "Hang on for a minute . . . (a long minute later) . . We've got cans of carrots and cans of corn. Will those work"?

Store:  . . crickets . .

[tekmantwo]

5 hours ago, Doug said:

Dedicated to all the flooring installers and salespeople out there:

 

DIY customer calls the store to ask the best way to attach the moldings of their new laminate flooring.

Store: "Glue 'em down with Locktite 3XL  adhesive. And put weight on 'em for 24 hours.

Customer: "What should I use for weight"?

Store:" Heck, we've heard of people that used a can of peas".

Customer: "Hang on for a minute . . . (a long minute later) . . We've got cans of carrots and cans of corn. Will those work"?

Store:  . . crickets . .

So,...a can of crickets?...

I don't think that would work,  at any one time approximately half of them would be jumping and that would make the can less weight than a can of corny...and I like creamed corn better. ..

[Tortuga]

7 hours ago, tekmantwo said:

and I like creamed corn better. ..

Yeah, creamed corn has more dead weight....

[Peace be with you]

"I was sitting in a bus today when a blind person came in. I offered my seat to him. The blind person was very happy and took it. Unfortunately I lost my job as a bus driver."
 

[bagwell1987]

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.

“It’s taped under the modem,” 
I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”