Gothic Sister?

[MJL]

I am concerned about a sister in my congregation that wears black lipsticks and loves wearing black clothing's   but I don`t want to come across as overly righteous. her style reminds me of the Gothic culture that started in the UK in the 1980`s, we as JW our dress coding must identify us as a servant of Jehovah and if the world see her it will give them the wrong impression. How can I approach this Sister to help her see herself? 

[Tortuga]

4 minutes ago, MJL said:

How can I approach this Sister to help her see herself

Our dress and grooming should honor Jehovah and his creation. Does she feel that her dress and grooming honors Jehovah?

[Alexa]

Ask her opinion to today's fashion then bring her to the topic of wearing red lipsticks. 

[careful]

i love to wear black also.

[BLEmom]

There’s wearing black and then there’s WEARING BLACK.  

The first is a classic French look. The second is goth. And let me tell you it’s hard to find one appropriate enough to use as a comparison. Lol

 

Does the sister dress more one way or the other?  Or is it something in between?

[MJL]

She kinda more leans to this style 

[BLEmom]

Best thing to do to avoid appearing over righteous is do some research and find good info to share with her, pray about it and make sure if and when you speak with her you are kind.  The last time I had to address something it was due to a very large sisters dress being so tight you saw all the underwear lines. And she was doing a part onstage. 😬.  I also let her know that I’ve had my clothing mishaps and it is difficult to always get it right. You want to show fellow feeling. So even if you’ve never had an actual style be yourself issue, has your slip been hanging down?  Have you worn a top you didn’t realize gaped a lot when you bent over?  Sharing some type of personal experience makes it a little easier on the other person. 
I wish I had spoken up the day I went in service with a sister wearing bedroom slippers...🤪

[Katty]

How old is she? I went through kind of a goth phase in my teens/early 20's. Sometimes it's just a way of expressing a level of angst when you're young. Sometimes, it's a symptom of  a bigger issue, such as, for me, it was an aspect of feeling alienated from others. Sometimes, it's just a form of self exploration that goes a little too far.

 

I guess the best way to approach her with it is to try to find out why, and try not to assume the worst right away. I remember in psychology class, we learned about a boy that a teacher was concerned about because he only used a black crayon, but when it was investigated, it turned out that it was because when he got a chance to choose a crayon, black was the only colour that was left. There could be a similar reason that has nothing to do with her spirituality. Also, if you can approach her in a way that makes her not feel judged at all, as even if it is the worst case scenario, if she feels judged, even if it's not your intention is only going to drive her to feel alienated an push her further into herself or feel defensive. 

[Áine]

Could be that she's colour blind as well.... just saying 🤣

[Áine]

On 2/6/2021 at 7:49 PM, MJL said:

She kinda more leans to this style 

There was a fashion for very dark mulberry type lipsticks a few years ago.. maybe you could encourage her to try a red one over the top of the black one?  

 

I don't wear the stuff myself, it always feels like I've got glue on my lips !

 

The pic above isn't overly bad and I've seen much worse... I'm sure that she'll tone it down a bit as she grows and matures spiritually.... we're all at different stages in that regard and it would be so easy to be off putting, but you sound like you're approaching the situation with love 

[M.J.]

On 2/5/2021 at 11:07 AM, MJL said:

if the world see her it will give them the wrong impression.

If we were in public ministry,  I would suggest going with her in n service,  and observing how the householders react.  If they don't have a problem, then it's just you.  If they seem to be  put off, or raising eyebrows,  then you can tactfully point it out, so the focus is on their perception, not yours. 

[SUNRAY]

I know of a young sister who had a part on the meeting as a householder a month ago. She went to college to become a teacher. I must admit her appearance was shocking..very dark lipstic, lots of eye shadow and mascara and all black clothing. She is caucasion, has beautuful long dark hair..We wondered if she might get some kind counsel. She lives at home.

 

Well, this past meeting she had another part as a householder, and her appearance improved quite a bit! She had on a green top..and a sweater, and her lipstick was more red, and less eye makeup. So Jehovah sees, and he knows we all need correction at times, and with this pandemic, sometimes members have to isolate within their own home, so even the parents may not be fully aware of their children's activity. Her brother went to college to become a nurse and got a job in the local hospital..then Covid..so he may be working in ICU and have to isolate at home..he too had a part and his normally beautiful sandy hair was dark and his dress all black. Since these young ones live at home, how wonderful if they had chosen pioneering as their carreer, and some online extra schooling if needed..going to a physical college could have introduced these vulnerable young ones to bad influences. Oh well..we can't live others' lives.... 

Edited February 13, 2021 by Friends just call me Ross
requested by poster

[Vinnie]

I wonder who are her close friends?  When we have good close friends, we have others to help shape our thoughts , likes and dislikes. When we have no close friends, what influences our choices can be from the store clerk or  merchandise seller. They will say it looks great without regard to our bible standards.  So, maybe don't pick on her poor choices, but be a friend to her and perhaps see if you can be the friend who helps her in making good choices. 

 

1 Peter 4:8 Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

 

 

[SUNRAY]

We all need to be there for each other..one sister who is a pioneer, who loves art..is befriending the sister I mentioned who also loves drawing..we can be there for someone when we share common interests..

[Shawnster]

On 2/5/2021 at 11:07 AM, MJL said:

I am concerned about a sister in my congregation that wears black lipsticks and loves wearing black clothing's   

Are you in my daughter in laws congregation?  

[EccentricM]

Advice can be given covertly.

 

For example, talk about "yourself" and not others, and say "I was trying to get clothes the other day, but there were not many choices, I don't want to look immodest, I tend to buy x and not y, but it's hard to get at times".

 

It can get people to empathise or think about your mentality and why you do the things you do, and they may, or may not, apply to themselves as a side effect of that consideration.