A good joke

[Loopy]

Now this is a FIRST for me. 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

Now this is a FIRST for me.

You are now a published artist

Older
{still waiting for the 'Wiser'}

[Skyler]

Sooo sweet.

[dove]

50 minutes ago, lovejoypeace said:

Sooo sweet.

What a good Dad you've been blessed with...

[Skyler]

18 hours ago, Dove said:

What a good Dad you've been blessed with...

Haha, I do have a good dad! But that's not my picture, I just found it online.

[walkr2]

Three friends - a Blonde, an Irishman and a Woman - walk into a large record shop.
A shop assistant enthusiastically approaches the group.
Assistant: Good afternoon. Welcome to Large Record Shop: can I help any of you?
Blonde: yes, do you have any 78s?
Assistant: I’m sorry, we don’t, madam, you’d need to go to a specialist shop for those.
Irishman: I’d be really interested in seeing your range of mono classical recordings.
Assistant: I’m sorry sir, we don’t stock those.
Woman: do you have any quadraphonic records then?
Assistant: I do apologise madam but we haven’t sold those since the 1980s... (looks quizzically at the group and points to shelves stacked with CDs and vinyl) Are none of you interested in the thousands of records we do have in stock?
Friends (in unison): what do you take us for: stereo-types?
 
 
 
 
In a bid to get fit I've just been to the gym and there"s a new machine there.
I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great!
It's got Kit-Kats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it....
 

[walkr2]

1 hour ago, walkr2 said:

20180426/8043d5b349a1987b65b0168be9206117.jpg&key=1f7909e1fb24988adb93b2ff0b48d8ff45852fe507d43c36a7257d69f0417288[/img]

 

 

1 hour ago, walkr2 said:

20180426/8043d5b349a1987b65b0168be9206117.jpg&key=1f7909e1fb24988adb93b2ff0b48d8ff45852fe507d43c36a7257d69f0417288[/img]

 

 

I think my other one became discombobulated....Or maybe I did.....😲

[Qapla]

See, this is where the  emoji would be perfect

[walkr2]

6 hours ago, Qapla said:

See, this is where the  emoji would be perfect

😴

[dilip kumar]

Age matters

A group of old friends, all aged about 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch for their reunion.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the waitresses there were pretty.



Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.



Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.



Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before!
Memory loss!!



Aging with grace

Sent from my Infinix X572 using Tapatalk

[Tortuga]

Did you know that Bible characters played baseball?

 

Eve stole first, Adam stole second and the prodigal son went home...

 

In Noah's day, the Angels and Giants big game was rained out...

 

(The Angels and Giants are California baseball teams)

[Old]

1 hour ago, Tortuga said:

 

(The Angels and Giants are California baseball teams)

 

Really?                                                                                                                                                     

 

I heard that if you have to explain a joke, you are at the wrong party.

[Pjdriver]

6 hours ago, Tortuga said:

Did you know that Bible characters played baseball?

 

Eve stole first, Adam stole second and the prodigal son went home...

 

In Noah's day, the Angels and Giants big game was rained out...

 

(The Angels and Giants are California baseball teams)

Isn’t the first mention of the game is in Genesis 1:1?

”In the big inning” 

[dilip kumar]

King Akbar asked his Minister Birbal to look for five biggest idiots in his state and produce them in his court within a month.
After a month's extensive search operations, Birbal brought to the court only two people!

"But I asked for five", Akbar angrily asked.

"Give me a chance to present them one by one", Birbal pleaded and went on to present his idiots:

"Maharaj, this man, while travelling in a bullock cart, was keeping his luggage on his head so as not to hurt the bullocks. He is the first idiot.

Pointing to the second man Birbal continued, "And this man here is the second idiot. Some grass grew on the roof of his thatched house and he was trying to force his cow climb up a ladder to graze on them."

Birbal continued, "Maharaj, there were a lot of importants jobs for me to do in the state, but I ignored them and wasted a precious month in searching for idiots. According to me I am the third idiot."

Birbal paused here for a moment.

"Who are the fourth and fifth idiots?", Akbar thundered.

"Beg your pardon, Maharaj", Birbal continued, "You are the king and are responsible for the wellbeing of the entire state and its people. You need wise persons to help you oversee the state affairs. Instead of looking for wise people you engaged me to look for idiots. According to me you are the fourth idiot.

And, Maharaj, the person who is glued to this forum, keeping aside all his high priority assignments, oblivious of pressing needs of his familiy, just to learn who is the fifth idiot, is the fifth idiot himself. You will not find a better idiot to beat this one. What do you say, Maharaj?", Birbal concluded.

Akbar said, "Post it immediately in all groups. Lots of idiots are eagerly waiting".

Sent from my Infinix X572 using Tapatalk

[Qapla]

Because I can't give that one a big laugh and a thumbsup

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

@dilip You got me again!

Older
{still waiting for the 'Wiser'}

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

I just realised... The joke doesn't work!

 

If more than 1 other person reads the joke, it will be more than 5!!!

 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, Can a Moderator quickly check to see who read it first. Me or@Tortuga.

 

Am I #5? Nooooooo

 

(Oh dear, I'm losing it. I'm analysing jokes... sad)

 

 

 

Older

{still waiting for the 'Wiser'}

 

 

 

 

[dilip kumar]

I just realised... The joke doesn't work!
 
If more than 1 other person reads the joke, it will be more than 5!!!
 
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, Can a Moderator quickly check to see who read it first. Me or[mention=574]Tortuga[/mention].
 
Am I #5? Nooooooo
 
(Oh dear, I'm losing it. I'm analysing jokes... sad)
 
 
 
Older
{still waiting for the 'Wiser'}
 
 
 
 

I posted it so obviously I would have read it.

But I didn't reveal it that I have read it.

You too don't reveal it brother.


Sent from my Infinix X572 using Tapatalk

[Friends just call me Ross]

I'm so senile, I can't remember if I've posted this, or not.  

But that's not the joke.  This is:

 

This is the tale of a woman...reading a book.

 

One morning her husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the woman decides to take their boat out.

 

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

 

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

 

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "Isn't it obvious?")

 

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

 

"I'm sorry, officer. But I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

 

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

 

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault."

 

"But I haven't even touched you!"

 

"That's true," says the woman, "But, you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

 

"Have a nice day ma'am", the warden replies and leaves the woman to her reading.

 

 

[Friends just call me Ross]

What goes "CLIPPITY-CLOP, CLIPPITY-CLOP, CLIPPITY-CLOP, BANG-BANG-BANG, CLIPPITY-CLOP, CLIPPITY-CLOP, CLIPPITY-CLOP"?

Spoiler

An Amish drive-by

 

[dilip kumar]

A man takes his seat at a FIFA world cup final.

He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.

MAN: "who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

GUY: "that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "oh... that's terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..but these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

GUY: "no...they are all at her funeral!"


#..

Sent from my Infinix X572 using Tapatalk

[Loopy]

That’s cruel 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Loopy]

 

O so true! My neck snaps, crackles and pops. 

 

I do not like it.

 

 

Edited July 16, 2018 by Loopy

[dilip kumar]

Fault finding...


Why we shouldn't try to find faults in others. Here is a Bible incident which tells what happens when you find fault in others.

Pls read Luke 11 : 37-44

And count the woes.

the Pharisee would have felt something like this

"My God,

why on earth did I ever open my mouth. ?

Why did i invite this person to home ?"



Sent from my Infinix X572 using Tapatalk

[Friends just call me Ross]

Studies show that we eat more bananas than monkeys.

 

Come to think of it, I can't even remember the last time I ate a monkey.