Best of Quotes

[Tcvancoops]

Over the years I have been writting down all of my favorite quotes said by friends, family, strangers, and so on.  I put them in a book called "The Best of Quotes".  All quotes are either very funny, clever, or stupid.  So if I live to be old, I'll have this to look back on. 

 

Here's some of the quotes I have:

 

Friend:  "Which complex do you live in?"

Me:  "Aston Woods"

Friend:  Oh!  That's the one where I don't know where it is."

 

 

Friend:  "I had a dream last night--"

Me:  "Me too!"

Friend:  *thumbs down* "Boo!  Only me!"

 

 

Friend:  "I had time to go home.  DId I menton I was already in my house?"

 

 

Study talking to toddler son:  "We're gonna talk to God.  You wanna talk to God?"

Toddler:  *looks at phone*

 

 

Friend 1:  "I heard of a guy in a motorcycle accident and his head was on one side of the street and his body was on the other."

Friend 2:  "That's a bad day."

 

 

Friend:  "So the lady asked me which marriage I was, like if it was my first of second.  And I said 'my 1st', and she put down a zero.  It's my zeroth marriage.  I mean, come on, that's not even a word!"

 

 

Let me hear some of your favorite quotes!  Maybe I'll add it to my book!  And I'll post more of my quotes as we go along.

[shali]

Those are more like jokes or small andidotes to me.  Here are a few of my favorite quotes or sayings:

 

1) If Jehovah loves you, you have everything you need

 

2) Developing the mind is important, but developing a conscience is the most precious gift parents can give their children.

 

3) Small compromises lead to BIG disasters.

 

4) Don't live for the moment - live for the future.

 

5) It doesn't pay to disobey.

 

6) Just because we are made of dust doesn't mean Jehovah treats us like dirt.

[Tortuga]

Vincent Van Gogh was an artist because he didn't have an ear for music - Charles Valorz (Retired DO)

[Joey]

A sister in the ministry after pounding on the door "You have to knock loud,you don't want them to sleep forever!"

[Qapla]

A customer that used to frequent a pizza place I worked in many, many years ago was a Psychiatrist from India. He had lived and practiced in several countries. I asked him if he found things different here (the US) then where he was from.

 

He said, "Nope, people are crazy the same all over the world."

[Tortuga]

Some people are so narrow minded they can look through a keyhole with both eyes - Foghorn Leghorn.

[kejedo]

Heres a couple I heard which prove rote memorizing phrases and prayers is not useful.

 

A.) One of my nephews learned the  American flag salute in school. He came home and recited it thus: A rutabaga to the flag....  (from the opening line....... I pledge allegiance to)

 

B.) I heard a young lad say "God is a string bean,"  after having heard someone say that  God is a Supreme Being