Memorable one liners

[happiness IS]

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/05/us/politics/bob-dole-humor.html?name=styln-bob-dole&region=TOP_BANNER&block=storyline_menu_recirc&action=click&pgtype=Article&variant=0_Control&is_new=false

R.I.P  Bob Dole

 

In his first campaign for the presidency, in 1980, Mr. Dole joined the pile-on against President Jimmy Carter.

“I once called Carter a chicken-fried McGovern,” Mr. Dole said, referring to the former Democratic nominee George McGovern. “And I take that back because I’ve come to respect McGovern.”

Much like Mr. McGovern’s 1972 general election campaign, Mr. Dole’s 1980 primary campaign crashed and burned. He won just 607 votes in New Hampshire.

The next day, he “slept like a baby,” Mr. Dole said afterward.

Spoiler

“Every two hours I woke up and cried.”

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk2gTC9_Fd4

 

After Mr. Leno mentioned research showing that Viagra might cause blindness in rare cases, Mr. Dole emerged to roars of laughter from the audience.

“That’s a lot of rubbish, Jay,” he said. “I hate to see this misinformation being spread. I know a little about Viagra, Bob Dole knows a little about Viagra, and my vision is perfect. It’s 20/20.

“And,” he said, pointing to Mr. Leno’s band leader, “you ought to know better, Jay Leno.”

[Ludwika]

2 from Winston Churchill:

" The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes".

 

" When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber".

[happiness IS]

That Joke
The words are famous and supposedly came out in a verbal duel between Lady Astor (Britain’s first active woman MP) and, from a different wing of the Conservative party, Winston Churchill.

 

Lady Astor: ‘If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee.’

 

Churchill: ‘Nancy, if I were your husband I would drink it.’

[Ludwika]

4 minutes ago, happiness IS said:

That Joke
The words are famous and supposedly came out in a verbal duel between Lady Astor (Britain’s first active woman MP) and, from a different wing of the Conservative party, Winston Churchill.

 

Lady Astor: ‘If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee.’

 

Churchill: ‘Nancy, if I were your husband I would drink it.’

I was trying to remember who the woman was! 

[Qapla]

If you aim at the floor, you will hit it every time ... maybe you should try to aim a little higher

 

Even a broken clock is right twice a day

 

 

[Dages]

1 person + Jéhovah = overwhelming majority

[happiness IS]

• Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.
• Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
• My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 
• I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.

Spoiler

Camouflage uniform

 

 

Edited December 7, 2021 by happiness IS

[minister159]

"I've conquered prejudice. I hate everybody equally." --- W.C. Fields

[Michelle81]

He's as sharp as a marble.

 

How do you like them apples. -Good Will Hunting

 

I'm your huckleberry.  -Doc Holiday, Tombstone

[minister159]

"I told my wife I was going to take her someplace for dinner she'd never been before. Then I showed her the kitchen." --- Rodney Dangerfield

[happiness IS]

On 12/11/2021 at 6:57 PM, Michelle81 said:

I'm your huckleberry.

Urban Dictionary

"A man; specif., the exact kind of man needed for a particular purpose. : "Well, I'm your huckleberry, Mr. Haney."  

The "Historical Dictionary of American Slang" which is a multivolume work, has about a third of a column of citations documenting this meaning all through the latter 19th century.

So "I'm your huckleberry" means "I'm just the man you're looking for!"

 

Spoiler

 

 

Edited December 26, 2021 by happiness IS

[happiness IS]

 

A collection of  snappy comebacks

 

A co-worker just won’t leave you alone? Try this: “Sure, I’d love to help you out…now, which way did you come in?”

 

Man: “Would you like to go back to my place or yours?”
You: “Well, I don’t know. Can 2 people fit under a rock?”

 

Man: “Say, haven’t we met before?”
You: “Yes, I’m the head Nurse at the VD clinic.”

 

Man: “Hey! You’re looking nice. Wanna hang out?”
You: “I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.”

 

Man: “Do you think I can give you a buzz?”
You: “My number’s in the phone book.”
Man: “How will I find it? I don’t even know your name.”
You: “You can find it in the book as well.”

 

Spoiler

https://socialmettle.com/witty-comebacks

 

[Michelle81]

"Look kids, a deer"  -Clark Grizwald