Pictures, jokes for the older ones

[Lee49]

Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Spoiler

  

  Never mind, it's over your head.  🧠 ( brain )

 

 

[Qapla]

Did you hear the joke about the bed?

Spoiler

Never mind - it hasn't been made up yet

 

[Lee49]

Queue sounds like Q but followed by 4 silent letters, but...

Spoiler

 they're just waiting their turn.     ( cute 🥱 😴 )

 

[Lee49]

When you stay silent through the whole zoom meeting, but at the end you say " thanks everyone " to make it seem as though you contributed!   🤐

 

 

 

[Lee49]

(Please, only thumbs up or smiley emoji's only!)  😃👍

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

[Tortuga]

3 minutes ago, Lee49 said:

(Please, only thumbs up or smiley emoji's only!)  😃👍

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

 

 

TSH! Ueue jokes not that bad..

[Qapla]

There was a college athlete who didn't pass his English exam so the professor wouldn't clear him to play in the BIG GAME that weekend.

The coach came to the professor and asked him to give the student another chance. He explained how the student had spent many hours at practice and learned the whole playbook and all the signals. "Please give him a break and let him take the exam again. The whole school is counting on you," the coach told the professor.

The professor decided he could give the student another chance and agreed to make the exam a little easier.

The coach brought the student to the English classroom for the makeup exam and waited with the professor while the student did the makeup exam. The professor told him he would make it really easy and, if the student could answer one question correctly, he would clear him to play.

The student sat at a desk with paper and pencil ready. The professor told him he had 30 minutes to complete the exam and then said, "I want you to spell the word 'coffee.'"

The student sat there for nearly 15 minutes before he wrote an answer on the paper. He then handed the paper to the professor. After the professor looked at the paper, he handed it to the coach and said, "See! See why I can't pass this student."

The coach looked at the paper and saw

 

 

"Big deal!" the coach exclaimed

"So what if he left out the   'I'   !!"
 

Edited February 1, 2023 by Qapla

[Lee49]

What is a sea monster's favorite meal?

Spoiler

                                           🐟🐟🐟🐟

             Fish and ships.        ⛵⛵⛵⛵    

 

[Lee49]

Broke an egg making breakfast this morning - 

Spoiler

 State Farm said a claims adjuster would be out tomorrow!  🤣  🥚

 

[Lee49]

A doctor calls a plumber to get a new toilet installed in his guest bathroom as the old toilet had issues with it, when he calls the plumber he tells him that he is having guest over that evening and would really like it done ASAP, the plumber says he's on a tight schedule but will work him in, no money was discussed, however the plumber figured money was no issue but he wasn't going to take advantage of him even though he probably was wealthy. After the install of the new toilet he handed the doctor his bill - $400, the doctor exclaimed $400! I don't even charge that much for an office call! The plumber replied - 

Spoiler

 You should've became a plumber !   🤣  🚽🔧

 

[Qapla]

What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

Spoiler

a shoe

 

[Qapla]

What do you call two pubs right next to each other?

Spoiler

Parallel Bars

 

If one pub is larger than the other - they are uneven parallel bars

Edited February 5, 2023 by Qapla

[Lee49]

Where do math teachers like to go on vacation?

Spoiler

 Times square.  🧮

 

[Lee49]

All this talk about the "unmanned " Chinese spy balloon, it turns out that there was one person aboard responsible for steering it off course!  He landed safely.   🫧

 

 

 

[bagwell1987]

1 hour ago, Lee49 said:

Where do math teachers like to go on vacation?

  Hide contents

 Times square.  🧮

 

I got to use the new groan/sigh button!!!! 😄

[Lee49]

23 minutes ago, bagwell1987 said:

I got to use the new groan/sigh button!!!! 😄

I'm not happy with it! 😒 ☹ 😢

[Lee49]

                     Oh to be young again with abs like these! 🤣

 

[Tortuga]

1 hour ago, Lee49 said:

                     Oh to be young again with abs like these! 🤣

 

I took a-fence to that photo 🤣

[Lee49]

What was the first animal in space? If you said monkey, you were wrong, it's...........

Spoiler

  The cow that jumped over the moon.    ❌

 

[bagwell1987]

19 hours ago, Lee49 said:

                     Oh to be young again with abs like these! 🤣

 

That's the second six pack those country boys have.

The first is Budweizer!

[Lee49]

5 hours ago, bagwell1987 said:

Budweizer!

Budweiser - tomato / tamahto      🥱

[Tortuga]

15 minutes ago, Lee49 said:

Budweiser - tomato / tamahto      🥱

See..you are weiser already...

[Lee49]

6 hours ago, Tortuga said:

See..you are weiser already...

I am a wise guy! ( synonyms for - include smarties, wisenheimers, weisenheimers, wags, wiseacres, bigmouths, wisecrackers, know-it-alls, know-alls and smart alecs.

 

[Lee49]

What is it called when you're overcharged for a package?

Spoiler

  Fed extra.  😡

 

[Lee49]

Why did Adam and Eve get kicked out of the garden?

Spoiler

  Because they didn't read the Apple terms and conditions.