A good joke

[pnutts]

I would have said Zoom Zoom for 2 reasons. One it is Fast, really Fast, and 2nd reminiscent of kid in Mazda car ad.

[dilip kumar]

*One humour a day keeps boredom away.*

Once all the engineering professors were sitting in one plane.

Before the takeoff, one announcement came
“This plane is made by your students”

Then all the professors stood up, ran and went outside. But the principal was sitting.

One guy came and asked, “are you not afraid”?

Then the principal replied
“I trust my students very well and I am sure the plane won’t even start”.

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[dilip kumar]

What a brilliant boy...

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[Chris7]

A teacher wrote a song....

 

[bohemian]

A heavily pregnant woman hobbles painfully into the hospital with one hand on her back.

A nurse comes over to her and asks her what’s wrong, but the woman just shouts, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!”

The nurse shakes her head and says, “Sorry, I don’t understand.”

The woman screams, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!”

The nurse is really confused and turns to a doctor who says, “Admit her. She’s having contractions.”

 

scientists have grown human vocal cords in a petrie dish.

The results speak for themselves.

[dilip kumar]

A Jehovah's witness asked a priest where in the Bible is written to worship a cross The priest answered: look what is written in psalms 35:11

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[dilip kumar]

Just got word from a friend at Bethel in the US. They said this morning that they are convinced that Job 15:27 will be completely fulfilled by the end of quarantine. Scary but exciting times....

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[bohemian]

I told my psychiatrist that I keep hearing voices in my head.  She told me that I don't have a psychiatrist!

[pnutts]

What do you get when a racoon with babies setup home in your vehicle?

 

Spoiler

A lot of poo on top of your engine and some chew marks on wires and battery blanket.

 

Oh Wait a minute. It's not a joke but the truth.

 

Spoiler

Had to clean my engine off this evening 😬 There were 2 large dumps   FORDS  -Found ORiginal Dump Site

 

[bohemian]

how do you make glow-worms happy?

 

Spoiler

they are de-lighted if you cut their tails off!

 

[bohemian]

I’ve started a camp for kids with ADHD.

 

It’s a concentration camp.

[dilip kumar]

S its possible... But wait a second...

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

S its possible... But wait a second...

Love it. That was great. Ty.

Old (Downunder) Tone

[Chris7]

On 4/19/2020 at 9:47 PM, pnutts said:

I would have said Zoom Zoom for 2 reasons. One it is Fast, really Fast, and 2nd reminiscent of kid in Mazda car ad.

Also, its a good job we are not back in 1982...

 

Zoom   🤣

Fat Larry's Band  🎵

Zoom, just one look and then my heart  [laptop] went boom  💥

[bohemian]

If you have come for the yodelling lessons, will you form an orderlyorderlyorderlyorderly queue.

[bohemian]

I used to be addicted to the hokey-cokey - then I turned myself around.

[Loopy]

[bohemian]

I was in the library the other day and asked the librarian where are the books on paranoia.

She whispered: “They’re right behind you!”

[kejedo]

On 6/11/2020 at 10:42 AM, Loopy said:

Using this, Linda.

 

[Old]

When young I really liked ranching, prospects of a good life was there, prospects of a good living was not. Here is an example:

 

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him. 'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.

'Well,' replied old John, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied old rancher John.  

[Friends just call me Ross]

5 minutes ago, Old said:

When young I really liked ranching, prospects of a good life was there, prospects of a good living was not. Here is an example:

 

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him. 'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.

'Well,' replied old John, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied old rancher John.  

Just shared this with my hubby, Old Farmer John.

He's still laughing.  

[bohemian]

The swordfish has no predators as it is so strong.

Except the penfish, which they say is mightier.

[Qapla]

7 minutes ago, Old said:

Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied old rancher John.

 

Hey! - I resemble that remark !!!

[Loopy]

1 minute ago, Friends just call me Ross said:

Just shared this with my hubby, Old Farmer John.

He's still laughing.  

He would definitely know how truthful that is. 😁

[bohemian]

Watch out for a scam going round, Your offered £250 or top of the range tickets to see an an Elvis Presley impersonator.  Then youre told, press one for the money or two for the show.

 

 

 

In my community we have a neighborhood watch.

It’s actually more like a clock tower.

Edited July 3, 2020 by bohemian