The Bad Joke thread

[Catalyst]

What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?

 

Something catchy

[Friends just call me Ross]

Open in Case of Fire:

Spoiler

So...where's the fire?

 

[Tcvancoops]

What's green and has wheels?

 

grass....I lied about the wheels

[walkr2]

What is it that makes you GO on red and STOP on green?

WATERMELON

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[Sheep]

21 hours ago, Tcvancoops said:

What's green and has wheels?

 

grass....I lied about the wheels

 

No wonder this is called "The Bad Joke thread"...

[Qapla]

Pickup lines gone wrong .....

 

Guy sitting next to gorgeous girl in bar - he thinks to himself (What an angel!)

 

He turns to her and asks, "Did it hurt?"

 

She responds, "Did what hurt?"

 

He says, "When you fell from heaven ..."

 

Astonished, she exclaims, "Did you just call me SATAN?"

[maladee]

why do cows wear bells?

 

 Because their horns don't work.

[dilip kumar]

Enjoyed

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[Tcvancoops]

A Hispanic magician was performing a trick.  He said, "Watch as a make myself disappear on the count of Three!  

Uno!...

Dos!..."

 

And then he disappeared without a tres.

[nanceebgd46]

 

Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?

Because the cow has the utter.

[Sheep]

17 hours ago, nanceebgd46 said:

Because the cow has the utter.

...udder?...

[Tortuga]

56 minutes ago, Sheep said:

...udder?...

...its the accent...

[nanceebgd46]

2 hours ago, Sheep said:

...udder?...

I have egg all over my face....WOE IS ME.

I can't fix it now...BUT...you can bet your last dollar,

I'll never make that mistake again.

 

P.S.  I'ts been a very long time since I tried to spell utter..(udder)

Edited September 5, 2016 by nanceebgd46
spelling error

[leoperales]

3 minutes ago, nanceebgd46 said:

I have egg all over my face....WOW IS ME.

I can't fix it now...BUT...you can bet your last dollar,

I'll never make that mistake again.

 

P.S.  I'ts been a very long time since I tried to spell utter..(udder)

 

You mean...Woe is me? 

[nanceebgd46]

Thanks Leo.....I better stop now....while I am ahead of the game.

 

nanceebgd

[Musky]

What happened when the cow jumped over the barb wire fence?

Udder destruction!

[Tortuga]

19 minutes ago, Musky said:

What happened when the cow jumped over the barb wire fence?

Udder destruction!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef....

[kejedo]

Are we getting upset over a typo, or an accent? C'mon. I think we are ALL above that.  Y (still learns most everything the hard way)S 

[Tortuga]

15 minutes ago, kejedo said:

Are we getting upset over an accent?

I say it's Warwick, not Warwick!

...Do I need to call Bro Spane? 

 

 

Edited September 6, 2016 by Tortuga

[kejedo]

I come from the Boston area (mostly), and need to take a refresher course whenever I go home. A water fountain is a bubblah; a roundabout is a rotary; an auto  signal is a directional. If I needed to use the lavatory in school, I would have to ask the teacher to use the "Basement," regardless of its floor level.  Happy differences. I finally learned to say "calor" instead of "caliente" if the temperature is up-up-up. If there's egg on my face, it's from breakfast.  Thankfully, I don't have a beard to catch the scrambled leftovers.

                                                                                                                                                                                        Y (looking for a napkin)S 

[Alexa]

On 9/6/2016 at 11:40 AM, kejedo said:

I come from the Boston area (mostly), and need to take a refresher course whenever I go home. A water fountain is a bubblah; a roundabout is a rotary; an auto  signal is a directional. If I needed to use the lavatory in school, I would have to ask the teacher to use the "Basement," regardless of its floor level.  Happy differences. I finally learned to say "calor" instead of "caliente" if the temperature is up-up-up. If there's egg on my face, it's from breakfast.  Thankfully, I don't have a beard to catch the scrambled leftovers.

                                                                                                                                                                                        Y (looking for a napkin)S 

Oh, I forgot, is it right when you go to 'lavatory', you ask 'where's the john?' 

[Alexa]

I have 3 JOKEs

Spoiler

Joke (1), Joke (2), Joke (3) 

 

[Tortuga]

Ice bergs aren't cold natured, they usually go with the floe..

[Qapla]

What did the tree say when it was ready to leave

 

 

(In a thick Arnold Schwarzenegger accent ) I'll be bark 

[Tortuga]

6 minutes ago, Qapla said:

What did the tree say when it was ready to leave

 

 

(In a thick Arnold Schwarzenegger accent ) I'll be bark 

Leaf me alone!