Wedding Talk

[Qapla]

Yes, sometimes a couple can/will choose a location other than the KH for reasons not connected to qualification, availability or BOE decision ... they may simply want to get married in a garden, on a ship/boat, near the sea/ocean or keep it very private.

 

There is nothing wrong with this.

[Eejay]

On 3/22/2019 at 3:44 AM, Mike said:

If you can think of something to share I would really appreciate it.

The triangle illustration mentioned by @Dismal_Blissis the best for me. I like it even better when Jehohah is said to be at the top rather thsn the centre, because the couple should put him first, individually. He is not an equal partner. The responsibility of the husband to focus on providing for his wife in a spiritual way then becomes apparent.

 

This link has a few ideas including the triangle one:

https://myjwillustration.com/illustrations/M#topicMarriage

[Naturale]

10 hours ago, DarinS said:

 

The only problem is if the couple chose another venue then some may wonder if the courtship was honourable then?

Edited March 26, 2019 by Naturale

[Naturale]

9 hours ago, Qapla said:

Yes, sometimes a couple can/will choose a location other than the KH for reasons not connected to qualification, availability or BOE decision ... they may simply want to get married in a garden, on a ship/boat, near the sea/ocean or keep it very private.

 

There is nothing wrong with this.

Yes that's what I wondered.  Some people may prefer an outside wedding sometimes such as a garden or a beach.  The kingdom hall is just a building, it's the spirituality of the individuals that counts.

Edited March 26, 2019 by Naturale

[Shawnster]

14 hours ago, Old said:

You cannot have a private (limited audience) wedding in a Kingdom Hall as weddings are considered a public meeting, open to all. Even a DFd  person can attend the wedding ceremony in the KH, but should/would be excluded from joining a reception party of witnesses. Wedding in a private setting are ocassionly preferred. I officiated a wedding on a lake cruise ship. It was RSVP.

However, since it's customary to only attend a wedding if given an invitation, then that helps limit those in attendance.  

[Eejay]

11 minutes ago, Shawnster said:

it's customary to only attend a wedding if given an invitation, then that helps limit those in attendance.  

Where I live, it is customary for a KH wedding ceremony to be public, but the reception (s) to be invitation only. Also, many split between a limited family reception and a later congregational one elsewhere. Often, the brothers cater jointly for the later celebration. Invites generally indicate the arrangements.

[DarinS]

14 hours ago, Naturale said:

The only problem is if the couple chose another venue then some may wonder if the courtship was honourable then?

Yep - that’s exactly the issue 

 

if you can use the KH - a building dedicated to Jehovah ...who ordained the marriage arrangement.....and it is a special privledge in special venue....and do not avail yourself of that privledge....many will presume you were not allowed to use the hall....

not saying it’s right or wrong

 

just saying.....my sister got married at a very nice venue/hotel/resort/restaurant in a lovely picturesque setting 

at a beautiful wooded location.....kinda fancy about 1 hour north of her home and I gave the wedding discourse....we had a separate outside area for the ceremony...approx200 friends witnesses and family....and many were able to stay onsite....and it was kinda equidistant between 3 groups ....of friends and family

 

but many presumed they they couldn’t use the hall.....it wasn’t so .....but that what many of the witnesses thought

 

and I kinda understand - if you can use it - pretty much only once in your life - do it

 

ps - there is no cost to use the KH .....lol

 

[LoneWanderer]

From what I have understood, no announcements are (any more?) made from the platform at the meeting when a wedding ceremony is to be held at the Hall. However, announcements for a memorial of a brother or a sister are still made. Does anyone know reasons for this? I think at our wedding most attendees were my relatives, and only very few brothers and sisters from my congregation (her congregation was 5,500 miles away) came. Don't think that most knew about it anyway.

 

Personally I consider it to be a great privilege to receive a Bible-based talk at the Hall to start off yout marriage with. But obviously there is room for personal preference. When an elder, who at one point helped me a lot and who I used to be pretty close friends with, all of a sudden got married (well, at least everyone knew he was courting 😅) at a local City Hall, it was a bit of a shock to me that they didn't at least have a talk at the KH. Another couple in fine standing who I thought were going to have their wedding at a Kingdom Hall ended up having it in a local park.

[Mike]

From what I have understood, no announcements are (any more?) made from the platform at the meeting when a wedding ceremony is to be held at the Hall. However, announcements for a memorial of a brother or a sister are still made. Does anyone know reasons for this? I think at our wedding most attendees were my relatives, and only very few brothers and sisters from my congregation (her congregation was 5,500 miles away) came. Don't think that most knew about it anyway.
 
Personally I consider it to be a great privilege to receive a Bible-based talk at the Hall to start off yout marriage with. But obviously there is room for personal preference. When an elder, who at one point helped me a lot and who I used to be pretty close friends with, all of a sudden got married (well, at least everyone knew he was courting ) at a local City Hall, it was a bit of a shock to me that they didn't at least have a talk at the KH. Another couple in fine standing who I thought were going to have their wedding at a Kingdom Hall ended up having it in a local park.

Announcements: we announce at the meeting whenever the Hall is to be used for anything. It’s just good communication.
Weddings not at Kingdom Hall. That’s a personal choice and no ones business ... if the could or couldn’t use the Hall. It’s always best to think Teh very best of our brothers and sisters. Always best. Let’s do that ... every time with every thing. It just makes for peace.


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[Mike]

The only problem is if the couple chose another venue then some may wonder if the courtship was honourable then?

It’s always best to think the best of our brother and sisters. It’s always best.


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[Naturale]

12 hours ago, Mike said:

It’s always best to think the best of our brother and sisters. It’s always best.


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Yes I agree absolutely!  I was only wondering about if it is considered acceptable to not get married in a kingdom hall.  Getting married outside such as in a garden or on a beach seems such a lovely thing to do.

Edited April 8, 2019 by Naturale

[McKay]

32 minutes ago, Naturale said:

Yes I agree absolutely!  I was only wondering about if it is considered acceptable to not get married in a kingdom hall.  Getting married outside such as in a garden or on a beach seems such a lovely thing to do.

I've known plenty who've used the outside garden of the reception hall for the wedding because of convenience. Another close friend (the groom) had his father give the talk at the reception hall so nobody had to travel. It was lovely. I'm sure some thought the couples COULDN'T use the hall, but Matt 7:1 ("Stop judging") and 1 Thess 4:11 ("Mind your own business") should have nipped that in the bud. (Ah, perfection, how long must you delay?)

 

On the broader point of recommendations for wedding talks, I have a do and a don't:

 

DO include the following piece of advice my aunt gives every married couple: "Find out what your future mate loves, whether it's a favorite meal or favorite favor, and then DO. THAT. THING."

DON'T say that women are a weaker vessel "because they're emotional" because a) wrong! Weaker vessel refers to something precious, like a vase, which needs to be handled as valuable and with care; and b) saying someone is weak because they're emotional is insulting to every woman in the audience and Jehovah and Jesus who both display very strong emotions.

[Leon J]

On 3/26/2019 at 5:00 AM, Naturale said:

The only problem is if the couple chose another venue then some may wonder if the courtship was honourable then?

I had to fight this thinking myself when 2 of my wife's younger cousins got married in the past few years. As it turned out there was no hall available when one couple was going to get married. They wanted the wedding and reception the same day and coordinating was tough, so they just got married at the reception hall. A local elder gave the talk and I think made extra mention on the honorableness of their courtship.

The other couple wanted to have the whole thing out on her grandfathers (or some other relative's can't remember) farm. that was a doosey of a time. However they are both good kids and he was an MS and continues to be so. Thus I guess there was no problem other than my own rigid feelings on the matter.

[Qapla]

Susanna,

 

I have found that, when those getting married are very active in Theocratic pursuits, if they decide to use a non-KH venue that is "fun and/or picaresque" - no one seems to think it is for any "restrictions" or denial of the use of the KH.

 

On the other hand, when those who are not seen being active get married in a non-KH venue, especially a rented/borrowed meeting hall/venue - people talk wonder.

 

So, yes, it is acceptable and there are some who decide to do this without anyone thinking bad about it.

[carlos]

2 hours ago, Naturale said:

Yes I agree absolutely!  I was only wondering about if it is considered acceptable to not get married in a kingdom hall.  Getting married outside such as in a garden or on a beach seems such a lovely thing to do.

This is very common for us. Since we are in a foreign language congregation, many of the friends cannot get married at the KH but they need to do it at the embassy or the consulate of their country. Being married at the KH by an elder requires in their case an amount of additional paperwork that is expensive, complex and sometimes the papers do not arrive in time.

 

Since it is no longer acceptable to have a wedding talk at the KH if you had your wedding ceremony somewhere else, most of the friends choose to have a wedding talk in the same place where they have their reception. We are all aware of that, so nobody thinks there was something else involved.

 

On the other hand, if that happened with a Spanish couple who don't have that problem with paperwork, yes, people would wonder. But if you have a clean conscience, who cares what others say?

[Midwest-US]

I’ve had the privilege of giving several wedding talks at the kingdom hall. Something I have done for each of them is give both the bride and the groom questions to answer before I develop the outline.

 

What 3 qualities were important to you when considering each other as a marriage mate?
What qualities do you plan to work on to make your marriage successful?
What do you like best about each other?
What qualities would you like to see each other work on?
What goals do you plan to set as a married couple?

 

 This allows me to make the talk more personal. I can weave the answers of those questions in with the read scriptures in Ephesians.

[BenJepthah]

Using the scriptures of coarse. The illustration I once used was a Canoe ( the wedding was in canoe country so people were familiar). In a canoe the roles are complementary but different. The seating arrangement is different. While the person in the rear seat supplies a great deal of driving force ( but must put the other ahead of himself in the marriage) the one in the middle seat provides stability. ( and is the lookout ) Both must learn how to work together to effectively steer the vessel. Sometimes the waters will be smooth in life, other times rapids and hazards. Doing nothing will result in the currents taking you someplace you probably don’t want to be. Moving forward always. If a particular waterway of life dries up sometimes the couple may have to port ( carry their canoe/ marriage to a new waterway together). Having to carry on in your marriage through “ dry spells” makes you both stronger. In a storm the canoe/ marriage provides shelter and a shared intimate space that only they can share together and find solace in recalling what they have already accomplished. The canoe marriage requires maintenance as life’s currents snags and rocks will certainly damage it .  Decorate it as you will and beautify it together. Note that this special vessel of marriage can not be effectively operated by just one person alone .  Jehovah has provided in the marriage arrangement an invaluable asset in life.   That’s out of sequence and lacks the scriptural accompaniment but I think you can grasp the idea. 

[BenJepthah]

On 3/22/2019 at 12:24 PM, Bek said:

How long are usually wedding speeches? 

 

I have never been to a JW wedding and I do not know if they are done in the same way as worldly ones. So since we are talking about wedding speeches, is the worldly wedding tradition of the best man giving a speech also observed? 

Twenty minutes , the same for funerals.

[DarinS]

30 minutes ....total for us...seems the norm

but that can vary ....

any longer seems too much....people’s minds wander....bridal party fidgets

most couples have asked me to keep it short 20-30 minutes

so im around 20-25 for the talk and then vows etc for total of about 30

[Naturale]

What happens when a couple go and get married somewhere else without telling anyone?  I've known that happen.

[Shawnster]

1 hour ago, Naturale said:

What happens when a couple go and get married somewhere else without telling anyone?  I've known that happen.

The couple gets married?  Then they have to explain why they are allowed alone together 🤣

 

I don't know what you are getting at. 

[Brother_Bliss]

2 hours ago, Naturale said:

What happens when a couple go and get married somewhere else without telling anyone?

Someone pronounces them man and wife

[carlos]

3 hours ago, Naturale said:

What happens when a couple go and get married somewhere else without telling anyone?  I've known that happen.

Well, if they are married, they are married. "What God has yoked together, let no man put apart". Getting married at the KH is not a requirement for Christians, just something that most do.

[Mike]

The couple gets married?  Then they have to explain why they are allowed alone together
 
I don't know what you are getting at. 

Explain to who? (1) What scripture says an unmarried couple cannot be alone. And (2) what makes you think they were alone?





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[Qapla]

5 hours ago, Naturale said:

What happens when a couple go and get married somewhere else without telling anyone?  I've known that happen.

 

I know many married people that I did not see get married.

 

Sometimes it is because I was not invited - other times it was because I was not able to attend - and other times they may have gotten married before I knew them.

 

Should I ask each couple I did not actually see get married "why are you alone"?

 

As long as they are legally married, what do you think should be done? Please elaborate ...