Is it in one's nature to want to marry?

[Hotteok]

I've always wondered looking at people around me getting married if marrying and the desire to marry is something innate and natural..

Those reading the Bible would probably quote Gen 2:18 to support their argument that marriage is instinctive.. 

But I think that verse is more about one's social needs..the need to simply hang out with people, rather than marry. 

And at that time, there was only Adam, so Jehovah might've been simply talking about his social deficiency. 

 

From my perspective, wanting to getting married is more of an educated need, than one's inborn nature..

Because I don't see how one can want to be with just one person for lifetime,  for eternity for us.  

And the society, because of how it's structured, being mainly family-oriented per se already puts pressure on those who are not marrying.

It's already functioning against and punishing the intentional singleness without being outright bad. 

 

If one does it purely for sexual intercourse, there wouldn't be any point in discussing this further (as Paul pointed out) but I'm not sure if that need is a genuine need. 

It doesn't mean, just because one marries mainly for sex, that he/she would want to spend the rest of their lives with another human being. (Not that it's bad) 

Rather, I think Jehovah is luring-in a good sense- human beings into marriage by means of sex so that they can reproduce other humans in a more pleasant, loving manner. 

(Sounds a lot better than plucking people like fruits. If God chose that manner of reproduction)  

 

For one example, I think a lot more sisters would be single now if money didn't exist. 

Not saying sisters marry only for money. I apologize for any potential misunderstanding in advance. It's just one example and I'm just trying to talk about the social pressure of not marrying. 

Edited January 11, 2021 by VisualizeUrParadise

[Dages]

We were literally created to mate and have children all over the earth. Nothing is more natural than that.

Still, we are now in Satan's world, everything is messed up.

The end of this world is coming so one can want to wait for the new world for that.

[New World Explorer]

10 minutes ago, VisualizeUrParadise said:

Because I don't see how one can want to be with just one person for lifetime,  for eternity for us.

Perhaps our view is distorted due to current huge imperfection? 

I have huge level of loyalty, and I don't see how I could leave (I know "leave" is a wrong expression here)  someone for another person. 

Hmmm... let's wait for perfection to be achieved, and see how we are going to view this subject then. 

[Hotteok]

7 minutes ago, New World Explorer said:

Perhaps our view is distorted due to current huge imperfection? 

I have huge level of loyalty, and I don't see how I could leave (I know "leave" is a wrong expression here)  someone for another person. 

Hmmm... let's wait for perfection to be achieved, and see how we are going to view this subject then. 

I do believe it has a lot to do with one’s imperfection. And being with one person is super romantic and probably the only way to reach the maximum ultimate spiritual, emotional bliss and stability. 
 

[On the huh]

3 hours ago, VisualizeUrParadise said:

Because I don't see how one can want to be with just one person for lifetime,  for eternity for us.

Maybe when you fallen in love with someone, you will.

[GodlyDevotion]

4 hours ago, VisualizeUrParadise said:

I've always wondered looking at people around me getting married if marrying and the desire to marry is something innate and natural..

Those reading the Bible would probably quote Gen 2:18 to support their argument that marriage is instinctive.. 

But I think that verse is more about one's social needs..the need to simply hang out with people, rather than marry. 

And at that time, there was only Adam, so Jehovah might've been simply talking about his social deficiency. 

 

From my perspective, wanting to getting married is more of an educated need, than one's inborn nature..

Because I don't see how one can want to be with just one person for lifetime,  for eternity for us.  

And the society, because of how it's structured, being mainly family-oriented per se already puts pressure on those who are not marrying.

It's already functioning against and punishing the intentional singleness without being outright bad. 

 

If one does it purely for sexual intercourse, there wouldn't be any point in discussing this further (as Paul pointed out) but I'm not sure if that need is a genuine need. 

It doesn't mean, just because one marries mainly for sex, that he/she would want to spend the rest of their lives with another human being. (Not that it's bad) 

Rather, I think Jehovah is luring-in a good sense- human beings into marriage by means of sex so that they can reproduce other humans in a more pleasant, loving manner. 

(Sounds a lot better than plucking people like fruits. If God chose that manner of reproduction)  

 

For one example, I think a lot more sisters would be single now if money didn't exist. 

Not saying sisters marry only for money. I apologize for any potential misunderstanding in advance. It's just one example and I'm just trying to talk about the social pressure of not marrying. 

Jehovah and Jesus enjoy a special kind of companionship for eons, and they are still found of each other. The Bible describes them as "one". Hence, in the new world we could enjoy our partner's companionship for an endless period with joy every day. In fact, we would be fond of each other. 

 

I think the premise of your argument that "a lot more sisters would be single now if money didn't exist" is wrong. Having a companion is a beautiful thing, and while I agree that the idea of "love" has been thwarted in this system of things. However, many Christian couples still enjoy the companion of their partners and would never trade anything for it. 

 

 

 

 

[normadenardo]

All the other animals had mates. Not best friends, not just children. Adam already had Jehovah, apparently Jehovah felt Adam was still needing something more. Without a mate... there would be no rest of the world. There would be no one to share your feelings with and life with. Eve was supposed to be the total package. She was supposed to tic all the boxes. She was made to compliment him. The husband, wife, Jehovah, three fold cord relationship was made perfectly by Jehovah himself. It was created to fill all our needs. Unfortunately satan and sin, ruined it. I myself do not have it, and have never had the three fold cord. I have seen it though. It is a beautiful thing. One day far into the future I hope to have it. Am I ok by myself? Yes, for the moment and with Jehovah’s help. Do I wish I had that other human being to love, in a way that you can love no other? Absolutely. That’s how I feel, and believe you me, I’ve been burned. But I won’t give up. I know some day Jehovah will satisfy all my desires, especially the ones he created me to have. Someone to live with forever. 

[Katty]

It's hard to explain in words why a person wants to get married to someone when they do.
For me, it's an aspect of never being able to spend enough time with someone even if we spend all day together.
It's about more than just sex. It's about sharing a life.
I do believe it's a natural desire, even if it's not a desire everyone currently has.
Not that people who don't desire it are unnatural, but that circumstances are generally what cause a person to want to not get married:
Perhaps someone has been traumatized to the point of not being able to emotionally handle a physical relationship.
Perhaps someone is in a position where marriage would pose a financial hardship.
Perhaps someone only knows people of the opposite sex that they couldn't imagine being married to without cringing.
Perhaps someone has homosexual tendencies and can't feel an attraction to the opposite sex.

Or someone might feel that a life being able to do anything in Jehovah's service and have the ability that singleness affords is more satisfying to them than marriage.

 

Whatever the reason, yes, some people will have the desire to not get married, but it doesn't make marriage any less of a natural human desire for us.
I believe it's possible that some people, who in this system don't want to get married, may want to in the new system, because they will have different circumstances.

[Pjdriver]

 

7 hours ago, VisualizeUrParadise said:

I've always wondered looking at people around me getting married if marrying and the desire to marry is something innate and natural..

Those reading the Bible would probably quote Gen 2:18 to support their argument that marriage is instinctive.. 

But I think that verse is more about one's social needs..the need to simply hang out with people, rather than marry. 

And at that time, there was only Adam, so Jehovah might've been simply talking about his social deficiency. 

 

From my perspective, wanting to getting married is more of an educated need, than one's inborn nature..

Because I don't see how one can want to be with just one person for lifetime,  for eternity for us.  

And the society, because of how it's structured, being mainly family-oriented per se already puts pressure on those who are not marrying.

It's already functioning against and punishing the intentional singleness without being outright bad. 

 

If one does it purely for sexual intercourse, there wouldn't be any point in discussing this further (as Paul pointed out) but I'm not sure if that need is a genuine need. 

It doesn't mean, just because one marries mainly for sex, that he/she would want to spend the rest of their lives with another human being. (Not that it's bad) 

Rather, I think Jehovah is luring-in a good sense- human beings into marriage by means of sex so that they can reproduce other humans in a more pleasant, loving manner. 

(Sounds a lot better than plucking people like fruits. If God chose that manner of reproduction)  

 

For one example, I think a lot more sisters would be single now if money didn't exist. 

Not saying sisters marry only for money. I apologize for any potential misunderstanding in advance. It's just one example and I'm just trying to talk about the social pressure of not marrying. 

Even  the perfect man Adam was not considered complete by himself.

Jehovah could have created an “Adam and Steve” , but he created an “Adam and Eve”.

”Steve could not have children. So Adam got Eve. To have a sexual relationship with Eve, Jehovah require they form a union...marriage.
So from the beginning God made them male and female and like you said...we are lured into marriage by a natural attraction built into us. “At last”....said Adam. 

 

Fast forward to an imperfect world....

Some people require a close companion.
Some require sexual desires be met. 

 

Often what I see happen is that some that want a close “loving” relationship, do not necessarily  want an active sexual relationship. 
Some that want that sexual relationship may want that just as much as the close personal relationship. 
These Individuals marry and it usually doesn’t end well.
 

If a person does not want or need a sexual relationship.....these should not get married unless that person makes this clear to their potential mate (and good luck with that).

The tragedy is, they don’t often realize it until after they marry.

 

 

[EccentricM]

7 hours ago, VisualizeUrParadise said:

Because I don't see how one can want to be with just one person for lifetime,  for eternity for us.  

You've never been in love...

[Qapla]

Jehovah created Adam. Jehovah created Eve. Jehovah told them to fill the earth.

 

That seems like simple statements - but, think about it. Adam did not have a hand in Eve's creation. He did not say, "I want a best friend" and make Eve. It was Jehovah who decided Adam needed someone. Jehovah could have created any number of friends for Adam. He could have fully populated the earth with people and Adam could have had many friends. Jehovah could have made it so that procreation was not even needed to fill the earth and humans could have been made to never have sex relation.

 

The thing is - Jehovah did not do it that way.  He made them male and female.

 

Now, it was within Jehovah's ability to make them like the many of the animals ... they could have been "friends with benefits" to procreate or even procreate with no attachment whatsoever - He didn't!  He gave them the desire to be a "couple". It is part of our design.

 

This is not a "lure" or a "trick" of Jehovah. It is a loving provision. 

 

Trust me when I tell you, my wife did not marry me because money exists. I do not have that type of money. We have both had to work during the 40 years we have been married. Likewise, I did not marry her for her looks (she looks much better than me), cooking ability (I taught her how to cook) or her money (she only had a part-time job when we got married.

 

Like @EccentricM said - since you can't "see how one can want to be with just one person for lifetime" - you have never been in love. Love is a powerful, wonderful thing. It truly is a gift from Jehovah.

 

 

[Pjdriver]

1 hour ago, Qapla said:

This is not a "lure" or a "trick" of Jehovah. It is a loving provision. 

Don’t you find your wife alluring? It’s just an expression meaning we’re created to be attracted to each other. Even the scriptures describe sexual attraction as alluring. This is not a trick, we have that natural attraction. our imperfections make it harder to resist. Like a moth to a flame.....ouch!

 

 

 

[EccentricM]

9 hours ago, Qapla said:

Like @EccentricM said - since you can't "see how one can want to be with just one person for lifetime" - you have never been in love. Love is a powerful, wonderful thing. It truly is a gift from Jehovah.

In addition, it's why heartbreak is devastating. I've been in the position where you can't see your life without that person, and no other person will do no matter how they look, what their personalilty is, you don't want to move on, once "stuck on someone", the seperation is painful, it makes you feel sick, depressed, it's like taking out a part of yourself and throwing it away. Literally the scripture of "one flesh" as it were, isn't to be taken with some grain of salt, that's how it feels.

 

One hundred fascinating women could line up for you, you may even have temporary surface attraction, but your mind always, always, goes back to "that person", a mind in love doesn't allow you to even consider anyone else. Even when you try, when you're in a position where you can't be with the person for one reason or another, it 'still' takes a long time to get over them to feel "free" again to look for someone else.

Edited January 12, 2021 by EccentricM

[Hope]

That's why love stinks 😒

[EccentricM]

52 minutes ago, Hope said:

That's why love stinks 😒

"Expectation postponed makes the heart sick".

[Amygdala]

That is deep, Matthew. The only danger in seeing it that way, is a love for only one special person and no one else, is if you were to get into a new relationship, it could have the potential to sully the way you love that new person - thinking that you truly only loved that former person and no one else can match that. That intense love can never be replaced, and may have the potential to create unhappiness and comparisons if you do get into a relationship.

[Jay]

@VisualizeUrParadise I totally feel the same. The thought of choosing someone and then living all eternity with the same person scares me.

[Hotteok]

45 minutes ago, Jay said:

@VisualizeUrParadise I totally feel the same. The thought of choosing someone and then living all eternity with the same person scares me.

Yes I think probably most people here would kindly understand what is meant by saying that it's difficult to understand the life with one person forever.

Not that it's in any way bad. It's very beautiful but also can be overwhelming and beyond understanding for some people.

I've travelled to many countries and have come to understand the variety and diversity of females, and how happy it is to get to know them individually.

 

It's just that in a normal, perfect world, man would marry much later in life in average. (Because still many males will marry asap)

For this and other different reasons, though I've fell strongly in love with a few girls through my life but it's always been quite difficult to understand living forever with one person.

So I've simply wanted to touch on the matter of feeling compelled to marry, either consciously or unconsciously, based on his/her social pressures.

 

 

 

Edited January 12, 2021 by VisualizeUrParadise

[Hotteok]

4 hours ago, EccentricM said:

In addition, it's why heartbreak is devastating. I've been in the position where you can't see your life without that person, and no other person will do no matter how they look, what their personalilty is, you don't want to move on, once "stuck on someone", the seperation is painful, it makes you feel sick, depressed, it's like taking out a part of yourself and throwing it away. Literally the scripture of "one flesh" as it were, isn't to be taken with some grain of salt, that's how it feels.

 

One hundred fascinating women could line up for you, you may even have temporary surface attraction, but your mind always, always, goes back to "that person", a mind in love doesn't allow you to even consider anyone else. Even when you try, when you're in a position where you can't be with the person for one reason or another, it 'still' takes a long time to get over them to feel "free" again to look for someone else.

Yes, I think it's one of the mechanics Jehovah has created out of love so that families could be built on strong love.

I, too, have fell in love with one girl once and it made me wonder why I was in love with her. 

I could not explain the reason objectively. It was all emotional.   

[Amygdala]

Interesting topic. I do think, though, that the security and strong love that binds 2 people is a reflection of the gift Jehovah wants us to enjoy in marriage, and is a wonderful thing, despite human imperfection. Different hormones are released at different stages of a relationship, deepening that love a person has for their marriage mate that despite the thought of eternity with one person, isn't necessarily seen as "only that one" for a person who is in a loving and happy relationship. Quite the opposite - the thought of losing that special one is the scary part.

[Amygdala]

I think this is why people who go through a divorce say it's one of the most stressful things in life - like losing someone in death. It's those deep connections, and different hormones that are built over the years that is all but gone. We were meant to bind together with another human, and can't just easily undue those things, even if there was conflict.

[EccentricM]

1 hour ago, Lieblingskind said:

I think this is why people who go through a divorce say it's one of the most stressful things in life - like losing someone in death

Losing someone you love is almost like losing someone in death, because you can't be friends either, or at least one person out of the two can't. It's almost as if they "may as well" be dead.

[EccentricM]

3 hours ago, Lieblingskind said:

That is deep, Matthew. The only danger in seeing it that way, is a love for only one special person and no one else, is if you were to get into a new relationship, it could have the potential to sully the way you love that new person - thinking that you truly only loved that former person and no one else can match that. That intense love can never be replaced, and may have the potential to create unhappiness and comparisons if you do get into a relationship.

Very true, it's why I've found in such circumstances I have been unable to move on, because I don't want any woman being made to feel like she's my "second choice", her thinking "if that other woman said yes right now, he'd be with her over me". Reboud is cruel, and in such an emotional state I refuse to be with someone else altogether.

[JennyM]

I do believe that it is ones nature to get married. Im always attracted with  the masculinity of a guy such as his strength. But it has to get to know the person whether this person will want to be with you for eternity.  

Jehovah designed a man and a woman to be one flesh so theyre both capable to stick to each other.  

 

I agree with @EccentricM that when youre in love, its like  a potent drug.  Ive had some break ups and theyre both painful .. thats why when I feel emotionally attached to a person again. I felt so afraid. 

 

In Asia, theres a strong pressure for women to get married. Its a social stigma when youre not married. 

Most often , marriages bring security to women or the other way around. It brings more hardship to women. 

 

In my opinion, if one cannot stick to someone of the opposite, he or she should not get too close of anyone to the opposite gender. 

Romance that was created by Jah is beautiful. .  Satans world messed them up... For example, some married for sex or just for money which is not the sole purpose of marriage. 

[Pjdriver]

4 hours ago, VisualizeUrParadise said:

I've fell strongly in love with a few girls through my life but it's always been quite difficult to understand living forever with one person.

That doesn’t  sound like real love....perhaps infatuation. ??? As long as you feel like that you should avoid marriage.

2 hours ago, EccentricM said:

....I have been unable to move on, because I don't want any woman being made to feel like she's my "second choice", her thinking "if that other woman said yes right now, he'd be with her over me". Reboud is cruel, and in such an emotional state I refuse to be with someone else altogether.

Rebound romance is a very bad idea......we’re ripe for making a bad decision. 

However, many have “lost in love” so to speak. I don’t think it should keep one from falling in love with another person.

Some people have the idea that there’s only one person for them. I don’t agree. I think we can fall in love with many different persons if the opportunity arose.

Like the old band Crosby , stills, and Nash said in a song. “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” 
I was in love with a beautiful woman with a great personality......suddenly she claimed her father molested her when she was a child....she said she couldn’t actually remember it but she’s sure it happened.  I think her shrink talked her into it. I’ve seen this in a couple other cases. Perhaps it was true...I really don’t know for certain.

To make a long story short.....she did not want to be married anymore. 
I ended up remarrying. It’s taken me many years to get over that,  even though I was remarried. However, it didn’t stop me from falling in love with my current wife. 
The trick is avoid a quick rebound and Never talk about that with your new love..... you will get past it.
If not....that’s  different problem called obsession. 

 

 

Edited January 12, 2021 by Pjdriver