My off topic thread

[Tortuga]

This is hilarious!

 

Politically Correct Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Notice:  This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich.  It is free to
distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact.
 

[pnutts]

13 hours ago, Luezette said:

Rudolph is no longer the name

 

13 hours ago, Luezette said:

It's now Ruddy

That is what we called my mom's oldest brother who died 4 1/2 years before she was born. He died in France during WW1

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

@Tortuga
Not friends or relatives I hope...

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-11-25/frozen-turtles-wash-up-on-us-shores/10552988

Older {waiting for wiser}

[pnutts]

Richard Turtle and family get together 🐢🐢

[pnutts]

Uncommon sense.

[Old]

31 minutes ago, pnutts said:

Richard Turtle and family get together 🐢🐢

...and winner is..... Beetlebaumb!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp9xJ9PbclE

This will never make Brother Jack's Jukebox.....

 

[Tortuga]

I'm wondering about how we will have family reunions in the new system.

 

Usually a family reunion is held at the oldest living member of the family, however after the resurrection is complete each family will just keep going.

 

Do you meet at grandma's, great grandma's, great great grandmas?

 

The whole planet will be one big family reunion!

[pnutts]

1 minute ago, Tortuga said:

The whole planet will be one big family reunion!

Gonna Take a Lot of Turtle soup.

[Naturale]

Is there any online chat area anywhere here?

 

Edited November 29, 2018 by Naturale

[Tortuga]

If I had a little girl, I'd like to name her Grandma just to confuse people...

[ChrisC]

I read a story of some parents who wanted to pick a nice name that couldn’t be corrupted for their new daughter. They chose Amber.

Everything was fine until their son started calling her ‘amburger.

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

I think we should have our family reunions at whoever cooks the best.... no?

Older {waiting for wiser}

[pnutts]

1 hour ago, TonyWenz said:

I think we should have our family reunions at whoever cooks the best.... no?

My wife says No!

Granted I make better scalloped potatoes.

[pnutts]

[CHecker]

2 hours ago, pnutts said:

My wife says No!

Granted I make better scalloped potatoes.

I love scalloped potatoes. In the NS when I can eat potatoes again I WILL be over.

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

I love scalloped potatoes. In the NS when I can eat potatoes again I WILL be over.

Me too!

Older {waiting for wiser}

[pnutts]

15 hours ago, bagwell1987 said:

NS

Nova Scotia?     

 

PEI has best spuds on east coast.

[CHecker]

1 hour ago, pnutts said:

Nova Scotia?     

 

PEI has best spuds on east coast.

What's PEI

[Old]

Lemme guess Prince Edward Island.

[CHecker]

You know when we're driving down the road our hands have so much to do, we have blinkers, we have cup of coffee, we have radio, we have heater, we have steering, we have windshield wipers, we have stuff falling off the seat next to you.... and then we have a left-foot just sitting there with nothing to do😲. My thinking is we need to put that dimmer switch back on the floor  so that our left foot has something to do  and our hands  have one less job to do. Just saying you know

Edited December 1, 2018 by bagwell1987

[Qapla]

I had a Dodge van some years back that had the dimmer on the floor (actually, I have had numerous vehicles that had the dimmer on the floor - but back to that Dodge) - the problem was, the floor dimmer was directly under the brake pedal   I got a ticket once because of that dimmer ☹️

[CHecker]

14 minutes ago, Qapla said:

I had a Dodge van some years back that had the dimmer on the floor (actually, I have had numerous vehicles that had the dimmer on the floor - but back to that Dodge) - the problem was, the floor dimmer was directly under the brake pedal   I got a ticket once because of that dimmer ☹️

Bad dimmer!! But I'm talking about a good dimmer switch. In 1976 I had a pinto and it had a really great dimmer switch, I wish I could go back to that dimmer switch and put my left foot to work.

[kejedo]

2 hours ago, bagwell1987 said:

You know when we're driving down the road our hands have so much to do, we have blinkers, we have cup of coffee, we have radio, we have heater, we have steering, we have windshield wipers, we have stuff falling off the seat next to you.... and then we have a left-foot just sitting there with nothing to do😲. My thinking is we need to put that dimmer switch back on the floor  so that our left foot has something to do  and our hands  have one less job to do. Just saying you know

You forgot about juggling our territory map, call book, pen, business cards, sticky notes, and tablet. Now if someone could find a left foot application for those tasks, I would certainly be willing to give it a try. 

[CHecker]

1 hour ago, kejedo said:

You forgot about juggling our territory map, call book, pen, business cards, sticky notes, and tablet. Now if someone could find a left foot application for those tasks, I would certainly be willing to give it a try. 

Oh sis, that is so good.

[pnutts]

12 hours ago, bagwell1987 said:

My thinking is we need to put that dimmer switch back on the floor

I had problems with road salt off my boots corroding the switch so it would cease up.