Wedding Talk

[Mike]

I have been asked to give the wedding talk. I’ve know the brother his whole life but just recently met the sister. The last wedding talk I gave was over 20 years ago. I want this to be very special. That’s where you dear friends, come in! Can you think of a special wedding talk you have heard ... maybe a great illustration I could steal! If you can think of something to share I would really appreciate it.

 

 

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[Mickey]

Smiles. D organization has provided us with wealth of resources and publications to help us in situations like this my brother.  🤗

[Brother_Bliss]

48 minutes ago, Mike said:

maybe a great illustration I could steal!

 

One that I like is that the three-fold cord in Ecclesiastes can be likened to a triangle, with Jehovah at the top, and the husband on one bottom corner and the wife on opposite bottom corner. As they focus on drawing closer to Jehovah, they will naturally draw closer to each other. Likewise, if one of them starts to draw away from Jehovah, they will also start to distance themselves from their mate. So the key to maintaining that threefold cord to to keep Jehovah at the center of your marriage.

[Alexa]

How to have a successful marriage the counsel for each marriage mate and why Jehovah make marriage for us to be happy but we need Jehovah's help :)

[tekmantwo]

4 hours ago, Dismal_Bliss said:

 

One that I like is that the three-fold cord in Ecclesiastes can be likened to a triangle, with Jehovah at the top, and the husband on one bottom corner and the wife on opposite bottom corner. As they focus on drawing closer to Jehovah, they will naturally draw closer to each other. Likewise, if one of them starts to draw away from Jehovah, they will also start to distance themselves from their mate. So the key to maintaining that threefold cord to to keep Jehovah at the center of your marriage.

Brother Bob, that is an excellent illustration. Very nice. 

 

One thing that a friend of mine does is give the couple a stuffed animal, a kangaroo. He explains that the 'roo doesn't back up, it can only move forward. He says that is how our marriage should be, always making progress, moving forward.

 

This kinda mates up with Bobs 3fold triangle, moving forward towards Jehovah, never going backwards...

[Bek]

6 hours ago, Mike said:

 

 maybe a great illustration I could steal!

 

 

 "27 do not give the Devil an opportunity.*+ 28 Let the one who steals steal no more; rather, let him do hard work, doing good work with his hands" Ephesians 4:27-28 

[pholmes38]

I have only done one wedding talk, but i used this following part when it came to discussing subjection, honour and the wife being a complement of the husband:

 
Apostle Peter warned Christian husbands that they must “assign honour” to their wives. After all, they are not servants; remember when God presented Eve to Adam, she was a “complement” or “counterpart" in the partnership.

 

E.g.  In the British Royal Navy, the whole naval fleet came under the complete oversight of the Lord High Admiral, as Jehovah does of all families who serve him.
Lord High Admiral then assigned an Admiral the main responsibility for an individual ship; but also assigned a Vice-Admiral to give him complete support & assistance. They worked together in harmony, which aided the success of the vessel.

Marriage is just the same, the husband and wife working together, as a team.
If Vice-Admiral was to oppose the leadership of the Admiral it could result in disagreement, confusion and potential danger.
Rarely happened, and so Admiral highly valued Vice Admiral.

 

 

Obviously, i live in the UK, so this illustration was relatable.

 

[Paradise-Lover]

Do we have a standard wedding talk outline?

[Brother_Bliss]

44 minutes ago, Chuka said:

Do we have a standard wedding talk outline?

Yes, there is a wedding talk outline. But like all outlines, they are just the shell of a talk. We have to add some substance, put it into our own words, and even tailor it to each couple.

[kejedo]

One elder used to use this anecdote in most of his wedding talks: To the husband- "if you wife asks you if you would like to stop for a beverage, do so."

Edited March 22, 2019 by kejedo

[Jmystro]

A threefold cord image might be nice, I haven’t seen images used in a wedding talk (yet).

[Beggar for the Spirit]

Hi Mike, 

 

When I was preparing the wedding talk, I was researching and meditating on this scripture that is in the outline:

Quote

(GE 2:24)
“. . .That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick* to his wife, and they will become one flesh. . .”
*** Footnote***
Or “remain with.”

Below is some of the research that helped me to come up with an illustration that I felt could help newly married couples really grasp the meaning behind Jehovah's specific word in GEN 2:24, "stick". I hope this is helpful to you, may Jehovah bless your talk. 

 

During the wedding talk, after I read GEN 2:24, I then ask the couple to join hands. I then tell them that,

"before holding hands you were 2 individuals, but now you are joined together, you are "one". BUT, there is a problem. Either of you can let go of the other one's hand and you are no longer "one". But notice that in GEN 2:24 when Jehovah married Adam and Eve he told them that they would "STICK" to one another. The idea behind the the Hebrew word for "STICK" is to "adhere, to bond permanently".

 

So then I ask the couple to grasp each one another's hand even tighter, and then I ask them,

"Now your bond is stronger than before because you are both holding each other's hand tighter. BUT there is still a problem, either of you can still let go and separate because you are not "adhered" or bonded together, you have not made any effort yet to "STICK" to each other by putting glue or cement on your joined hands so that your hands will permanently "stick" to one another.  But imagine if the both of you right now started pouring super glue or cement on your joined hands, if you did this, there would be a more permanent bond, you would truly "STICK" to one another! And that is what Jehovah is helping us understand at GEN 2:24.

Because any 2 people can get married and say that they are "one flesh", but just being married does not automatically cause them to bond or "STICK" together permanently. The only way this happens is if the both of you each day 'add some glue, add some cement' to your marriage by doing things for each other that proves your strong loyalty to one another and that shows your deep affection and love for 1 another. When you "STICK" to your husband/wife by continually adding words and acts of affection and loyalty, your marriage will be "unbreakable", and that is what Jehovah wants and it is why He spoke those words at GEN 2:24."

Quote

*** w11 5/1 p. 13 How Children Change a Marriage ***
According to one scholarly work, the Hebrew verb rendered “stick” at Genesis 2:24 can ‘carry the sense of clinging to someone in affection and loyalty.’
 

*** w89 5/15 p. 16 par. 3 Showing Love and Respect as a Wife ***
(Genesis 2:23, 24) The Hebrew word translated “stick” literally means “to cleave, to adhere, specially firmly, as if with glue.” (Gesenius’ Hebrew and Chaldee Lexicon to the Old Testament Scriptures) This really communicates the idea of a husband and wife being inseparable companions. Another scholar says that “it refers to more than the sexual union of man and wife and extends to the whole relationship.” Thus, marriage is not a passing fancy. It is a lasting relationship. And where there is mutual respect and dignity, that unity, although perhaps strained at times, should be unbreakable.—Matthew 19:3-9.
 

*** g91 5/8 p. 27 What’s Wrong With Polygamy? ***
The New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology states that the Greek expression translated “one flesh” at Matthew 19:5b has special significance as the translation of the Hebrew words of Genesis 2:24 and denotes “a complete partnership of man and woman which cannot be broken up without damage to the partners in it.”
 

*** w99 2/15 p. 8 What Is Needed for a Successful Marriage? ***
Marriage is a divine institution. It was authorized and established by Jehovah God. (Genesis 2:22-24) He designed the marital arrangement in order to form a permanent bond between a man and a woman 
 

*** lv p. 219 par. 1 The Bible’s View on Divorce and Separation ***
“Therefore, what God has yoked together, let no man put apart.” (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:3-6) Hence, Jehovah and Jesus view marriage as a lifelong bond 

 

Edited March 22, 2019 by Beggar for the Spirit

[Bek]

How long are usually wedding speeches? 

 

I have never been to a JW wedding and I do not know if they are done in the same way as worldly ones. So since we are talking about wedding speeches, is the worldly wedding tradition of the best man giving a speech also observed? 

[Brother_Bliss]

No. A wedding talk in JW culture is just the same as most other talks. The couple is sitting on stage and the speaker is speaking directly to them. At the end they exchanged rings, the groom is told he may kiss the bride, and then he presents them as a married couple to the audience.

 

Afterwards there is a reception at a remote location.

[Jmystro]

Couple can be sitting or standing.

[Naturale]

44 minutes ago, Dismal_Bliss said:

No. A wedding talk in JW culture is just the same as most other talks. The couple is sitting on stage and the speaker is speaking directly to them. At the end they exchanged rings, the groom is told he may kiss the bride, and then he presents them as a married couple to the audience.

 

Afterwards there is a reception at a remote location.

In our hall they don't sit on the stage and they always leave out the "he may kiss the bride bit"  which I feel is a bit sad as to me it should be sealed with a kiss.

Edited March 22, 2019 by Naturale

[Bek]

45 minutes ago, Dismal_Bliss said:

No. A wedding talk in JW culture is just the same as most other talks. The couple is sitting on stage and the speaker is speaking directly to them. At the end they exchanged rings, the groom is told he may kiss the bride, and then he presents them as a married couple to the audience.

 

Afterwards there is a reception at a remote location.

I am sure the kingdom hall bit is largely the same around the world. I meant speeches at the reception bit. What about the bouquet throwing?  Sorry, I am going off topic here, but I am very curious. I know that brothers in my home country do not say toasts at all. When I heard that, I was kind of relieved because toasting is a big thing at weddings and other celebratory events in Eurasia. Sometimes people are expected to toast in turns till they finish whatever they are drinking.  

[Shawnster]

My step-son enjoys hockey.  A lot.  He plays pick-up or adult league games as his schedule permits.  He's been going to NHL games his entire life.

 

His father-in-law gave his wedding talk this past December.  The brother used the Stanley Cup trophy to illustrate the scripture about assigning your wife honor as a weaker or delicate or priceless vessel.  She is a prized trophy.  

 

I think that was a nice touch.  Incorporating something of my child's personality and likes as an illustration for the talk.  It drove the point home.  It also made the talk personal

[Naturale]

41 minutes ago, Bek said:

I am sure the kingdom hall bit is largely the same around the world. I meant speeches at the reception bit. What about the bouquet throwing?  Sorry, I am going off topic here, but I am very curious. I know that brothers in my home country do not say toasts at all. When I heard that, I was kind of relieved because toasting is a big thing at weddings and other celebratory events in Eurasia. Sometimes people are expected to toast in turns till they finish whatever they are drinking.  

 

Witness don't do bouquet throwing as it is a superstition.  Neither is there ever any toasting

 

lvs chap. 13 pp. 172-186

20 The International Handbook on Alcohol and Culture says that toasting probably comes from an ancient pagan custom “in which a sacred liquid was offered to the gods.” This was done “in exchange for a wish, a prayer summarized in the words ‘long life!’ or ‘to your health!’” In ancient times, people used to raise their cups to ask their gods for a blessing. But that is not how Jehovah provides blessings.—John 14:6; 16:23.

[And_Ray]

One illustration i heard was about the headship principle compared to sewing.  The husband was compared to a needle and the wife as a thread. It's not that one is better over the other. The needle MUST go first, but it won't do anything useful if there's no thread. So the thread must come behind but both are required to sew something.

[Shawnster]

4 hours ago, And_Ray said:

One illustration i heard was about the headship principle compared to sewing.  The husband was compared to a needle and the wife as a thread. It's not that one is better over the other. The needle MUST go first, but it won't do anything useful if there's no thread. So the thread must come behind but both are required to sew something.

I like the line from a dance movie (I think it was Take the Lead.)  "The man leads.  The woman chooses to follow."  

[DarinS]

the cord was a great idea

i used the 3-fold cord --- bought some heavy cord like 1/2" thick from the local craft store --- his favorite color and hers and then a 3rd color for Jehovah

then I had someone help me braid them together like 18-24" long when done - had it in my pocket - later i showed how they could not be easily separated

you can use that for several jump-offs - that tie back to the outline

 

 

another idea that worked was have a little questionnaire about the bride and groom to personalize some points

(perhaps when you review some spiritual points with them - remember they are new to this also

and it is important to communicate many details and reminders - the guys seem to love the reminder that they can have a  Director of Feast -

so it takes the decisions off their plate on the day of the wedding -- because they have entrusted some of those duties to a mature brother they trust)

anyway

ask them a few questions about favorite food, color, time of year or day

favorite spiritual activity - vacation place - etc <all little details you might know about him but not her>

 

or even ask each other to fill out some answers that are about their planned mate

then you can intermingle some details into the talk

 

simple things - like Joe - you know Mary's favorite time of year is spring....

so knowing you wife's moods/desires - you might be thoughtful to get her flowers when they bloom

 

and Mary - you know how Joe loves Italian food - so when he's been having a hard week at work your love

may motivate you to make your famous lasagna for him

 

bringing tiny details will emphasize your talks points about love but make the talk so much more personal and special and relatable

 

somethings on the outline are optional.....rings....who gives this woman, etc

some things are not proper for a Christian gathering - its a dignified event

 

so we often make an announcement in our area....at the very very end

when the bridal party has exited the main hall we ask the attendees to remain for an announcement or 2

usually something like 

 

"the bride and groom have asked that no rice throwing/no glass clinking/no smoking etc

as this is a very special dignified day for them"

"if you have been invited to the reception and need assistance please see one of the ushers or attendants

and please allow the family in rows 1-3 to exit first

...if you are attending the reception please wait to greet the wedding party at the reception "

(ps this last one never seems to happen)

 

remember as the appointed brother you bear a bit of responsibility to make sure the affair is dignified and honorable in the Kingdom hall

 

but your maturity and friendship may help those newlyweds in many other small ways

like one young man asked me where to stand and did he need to escort someone - he was nervous

(i told him if he wanted to ask other to be ushers or seat some friends and family he could just chill at the front -- maybe even with a best man - as his crutch

while the whole started and the affair began --- it calmed him down to just stand there with his frozen smile and nerves....lol)

 

oh and have a few corny jokes ready for him - just to loosen him up before hand

 

i did use a small bit of humor in the wedding talk to alleviate the stress of all - but very restrained

 

i started with something corny like wow ....Mary looks Beautiful today joe - dont you agree --- watch there heads bob up and down while they break into a huge smile

and she only has eyes for you 

 

 

[Naturale]

Do any witnesses sometimes choose to get married in an outside location provided an elder takes the ceremony?

[Old]

You cannot have a private (limited audience) wedding in a Kingdom Hall as weddings are considered a public meeting, open to all. Even a DFd  person can attend the wedding ceremony in the KH, but should/would be excluded from joining a reception party of witnesses. Wedding in a private setting are ocassionly preferred. I officiated a wedding on a lake cruise ship. It was RSVP.

[DarinS]

45 minutes ago, Naturale said:

Do any witnesses sometimes choose to get married in an outside location provided an elder takes the ceremony?

some....

It is a privilege to use the KH

occasionally some do not qualify

"if someone's courtship has not been entirely honorable - they do not get to use the KH"

 

the local BOE has direction and will decide that  locally

 

at that point, some choose a venue - have a wedding talk by a brother and then have the reception in a nearby room...its NOT dishonorable - just maybe not the norm

 

there could be other reasons also - ie a nearby hall has a Saturday meeting and it is not readily available for the saturday wedding the couple is attempting

or it is getting remodeled.... we had this happen

and the couple asked about a new hall just built -- the groom wrote a letter and included me - to the coordinator of a nearby hall and asked to use the KH

turns out they got the Official Certicate of Occupancy - he called me to check on the status of the inquiring couple... later in the week He met with the local brothers and they agreed

 

so it can be elsewhere