A good joke

[Mike047]

Scottish planes have to cope with wee people as well as others

[Pabo]

21 hours ago, Mike047 said:

Scottish planes have to cope with wee people as well as others

 

Hopefully they don't up like this and then eventually get sucked out.

 

[Mike047]

Was it a Pan American plane?

[Keep Fighting]

[Andrey]

An incident in the preaching ministry (by the apartment), A good joke:

(pioneer): - Hello, you've probably noticed the difficult times we live in: wars, economic crisis, poverty, natural disasters, epidemics ...

(Landlady): - Yes, I agree with you, the world has just gone crazy!

(pioneer): - I want to share with you some good news from the Bible!

(Landlady): - The Bible?! I want to assure you that I know the Bible very well. I've read it many times! Now, I remember the story of the Good Samaritan. It's in the middle of the Bible, if I remember correctly. The Good Samaritan came to Jerusalem and was attacked by robbers. They asked him, "Who is your neighbor? And the beaten Samaritan grabbed a donkey's jaw lying nearby and started swinging it as hard as he could, 185,000 times. He was so tired!

(pioneer): - Allow me...

(Landlady): - Don't interrupt me! The Samaritan prayed to God and said, "Am I going to die of thirst! And it rained from the sky. It rained for 40 days and 40 nights. More and more water came down. Why are you laughing? Haven't you read the Bible? First the water was knee-deep, then waist-deep, and the year the water reached his neck, you know what saved the Samaritan? He caught his beautiful hair in a tree. Then, salvation came from a woman, Delilah. She cut off his hair and he fell. The fall was very great. The Samaritan quickly got up and jumped into a chariot and rode to Jerusalem. In Jerusalem lived the wicked queen Jezebel. You know her, don't you? The Bible says she killed the prophets.

(pioneer): - Ahhhh...Uh...

(Landlady): - You're interrupting me again, let me finish. The Samaritan says to the servants: Throw her off the tower. She's fallen. The Samaritan says, do it again, and so they did it 77 times with Jezebel. Then the servants gathered her remains into 12 full baskets. I know the Bible is a very difficult book. I have a question: When she, Jezebel, is resurrected, whose wife will she be?

(pioneer) - I'm amazed! It is not often that you meet someone who is very knowledgeable about the Bible. Or rather so much. I, after our conversation, decided to leave you a journal. There is a very wonderful theme in it. It's for you personally. The theme of the magazine is "How to stop smoking"?

Edited February 15 by Andrey

[Sheep]

5 hours ago, Andrey said:

. . .

(Landlady): - The Bible?! I want to assure you that I know the Bible very well. . .

(Landlady): - Don't interrupt me! . . .

(pioneer): - Ahhhh...Uh...

(Landlady): - You're interrupting me again, let me finish. . .

. . .

Oh my! I would never know how to compete with someone like that who knows the Bible so very well.

 

I just wouldn't know where to start!

Edited February 15 by Sheep

[Mike047]

Knowing when and how to depart can sometimes be very tricky

[Pabo]

15 hours ago, Andrey said:

An incident in the preaching ministry (by the apartment), A good joke:

(pioneer): - Hello, you've probably noticed the difficult times we live in: wars, economic crisis, poverty, natural disasters, epidemics ...

(Landlady): - Yes, I agree with you, the world has just gone crazy!

(pioneer): - I want to share with you some good news from the Bible!

(Landlady): - The Bible?! I want to assure you that I know the Bible very well. I've read it many times! Now, I remember the story of the Good Samaritan. It's in the middle of the Bible, if I remember correctly. The Good Samaritan came to Jerusalem and was attacked by robbers. They asked him, "Who is your neighbor? And the beaten Samaritan grabbed a donkey's jaw lying nearby and started swinging it as hard as he could, 185,000 times. He was so tired!

(pioneer): - Allow me...

(Landlady): - Don't interrupt me! The Samaritan prayed to God and said, "Am I going to die of thirst! And it rained from the sky. It rained for 40 days and 40 nights. More and more water came down. Why are you laughing? Haven't you read the Bible? First the water was knee-deep, then waist-deep, and the year the water reached his neck, you know what saved the Samaritan? He caught his beautiful hair in a tree. Then, salvation came from a woman, Delilah. She cut off his hair and he fell. The fall was very great. The Samaritan quickly got up and jumped into a chariot and rode to Jerusalem. In Jerusalem lived the wicked queen Jezebel. You know her, don't you? The Bible says she killed the prophets.

(pioneer): - Ahhhh...Uh...

(Landlady): - You're interrupting me again, let me finish. The Samaritan says to the servants: Throw her off the tower. She's fallen. The Samaritan says, do it again, and so they did it 77 times with Jezebel. Then the servants gathered her remains into 12 full baskets. I know the Bible is a very difficult book. I have a question: When she, Jezebel, is resurrected, whose wife will she be?

(pioneer) - I'm amazed! It is not often that you meet someone who is very knowledgeable about the Bible. Or rather so much. I, after our conversation, decided to leave you a journal. There is a very wonderful theme in it. It's for you personally. The theme of the magazine is "How to stop smoking"?

 

Maybe she went to this church as well.

 

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of gin next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

 

1. Sip the gin, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Moses parted the waters, he not pass water.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
9. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
10. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
11. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God

[walkr2]

Oh my! I would never know how to compete with someone like that who knows the Bible so very well.
 
I just wouldn't know where to start!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[walkr2]

An incident in the preaching ministry (by the apartment), A good joke:
(pioneer): - Hello, you've probably noticed the difficult times we live in: wars, economic crisis, poverty, natural disasters, epidemics ...
(Landlady): - Yes, I agree with you, the world has just gone crazy!
(pioneer): - I want to share with you some good news from the Bible!
(Landlady): - The Bible?! I want to assure you that I know the Bible very well. I've read it many times! Now, I remember the story of the Good Samaritan. It's in the middle of the Bible, if I remember correctly. The Good Samaritan came to Jerusalem and was attacked by robbers. They asked him, "Who is your neighbor? And the beaten Samaritan grabbed a donkey's jaw lying nearby and started swinging it as hard as he could, 185,000 times. He was so tired!
(pioneer): - Allow me...
(Landlady): - Don't interrupt me! The Samaritan prayed to God and said, "Am I going to die of thirst! And it rained from the sky. It rained for 40 days and 40 nights. More and more water came down. Why are you laughing? Haven't you read the Bible? First the water was knee-deep, then waist-deep, and the year the water reached his neck, you know what saved the Samaritan? He caught his beautiful hair in a tree. Then, salvation came from a woman, Delilah. She cut off his hair and he fell. The fall was very great. The Samaritan quickly got up and jumped into a chariot and rode to Jerusalem. In Jerusalem lived the wicked queen Jezebel. You know her, don't you? The Bible says she killed the prophets.
(pioneer): - Ahhhh...Uh...
(Landlady): - You're interrupting me again, let me finish. The Samaritan says to the servants: Throw her off the tower. She's fallen. The Samaritan says, do it again, and so they did it 77 times with Jezebel. Then the servants gathered her remains into 12 full baskets. I know the Bible is a very difficult book. I have a question: When she, Jezebel, is resurrected, whose wife will she be?
(pioneer) - I'm amazed! It is not often that you meet someone who is very knowledgeable about the Bible. Or rather so much. I, after our conversation, decided to leave you a journal. There is a very wonderful theme in it. It's for you personally. The theme of the magazine is "How to stop smoking"?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[DancesWithWife]

While not a joke, this is pretty funny and entertaining. Hard to believe it's almost 70 years ago. The interchange between Groucho Marx and Albert Hall is just priceless.

 

 

 

[MullumMiss]

2 hours ago, DancesWithWife said:

While not a joke, this is pretty funny and entertaining. Hard to believe it's almost 70 years ago. The interchange between Groucho Marx and Albert Hall is just priceless.

 

This is hilarious.  I love Groucho Marx and his quick wit.  

Edited February 27 by MullumMiss

[Pabo]

A mate’s wife said to him the other day: “You’ve just yawned six times in the last 10 minutes that I’ve been talking to you. Am I boring you?”

He replied: “They weren’t yawns. It was my attempts to speak”.

So I’m off to see my mate. Visiting hours at the hospital are 2pm til 4pm.

[Tortuga]

1 hour ago, Pabo said:

A mate’s wife said to him the other day: “You’ve just yawned six times in the last 10 minutes that I’ve been talking to you. Am I boring you?”

He replied: “They weren’t yawns. It was my attempts to speak”.

So I’m off to see my mate. Visiting hours at the hospital are 2pm til 4pm.

While not advocating, supporting or condoning physical violence, especially in a marriage, that was a funny joke.

[Pabo]

On 8/14/2023 at 10:00 PM, Dages said:

Sorry, I don't get the pun

 

 

Luke and Acts = "Look and act" as if in a game of charades.

[Pabo]

I once received a text from my closest brother:

 

I just won tickets to the World Cup final, and I can take 9 other gueats with me, as all the flights, accomodation for 6 nights in a luxury resort, meals and luxury travel to and from the stadium for the final, premium seating on the halfway line, access to the players change rooms after the match as well! Can you take out the rubbish bins whilst I'm away?

Edited February 29 by Pabo

[Keep Fighting]

[Andrey]

It's nice to find a $100 bill in my coat pocket, even though it's my first day working in the theater's wardrobe department

[Mike047]

A friend once told me that he had found a coin dated 26BC, and that it was quite valuable.

[Keep Fighting]

[Mike047]

14 hours ago, Mike047 said:

A friend once told me that he had found a coin dated 26BC

If you find another one like it can you let me know

[davanz]

If anyone here lost a wad of money with a rubber band around it, let me know. I can help because I  found the rubber band and will get it to you.

[computerwiz]

I think we can all agree that Nebuchadnezzar's first dream was really confusing.

But his second dream truly stumped him!!

 

 

Edited March 14 by computerwiz

[computerwiz]

Who was the most business savvy woman of the Bible?

 

Spoiler

Pharaoh's daughter.

She went down to the bank of the Nile and pulled out a little prophet.

 

[computerwiz]

Which Bible character was the youngest to use foul language?

 

Spoiler

Job! He cursed the day he was born!  👀