A good joke

[Musky]

Is that a "good joke"???

[kejedo]

2 hours ago, Musky said:

Is that a "good joke"???

...............or just another lame attempt at levity using a potentially amusing life anecdote?  In my defense, if one person in the room (or on a thread) gets me, it still beats the law of averages. Mebbe?

                                                                                                                                         YS

                                                                                                                                         aka  

                                                                                         overly-detailed, Bing-using, dry-humored-witch

Edited November 22, 2016 by kejedo

[dilip kumar]

Bob: “So, you say that you won the conversation with your wife yesterday.”
Joe: “Yes, she came crawling on her hands and knees.”
Bob: “Really? What did she say?”
Joe: “Come out from under the bed, you coward!”

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[dilip kumar]

Now they look like a happily married couple,” remarked the husband.
“Don’t be too sure, my dear. They are probably saying the same thing about us,” replied his wife.

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[dilip kumar]

Q: What's the difference between capitalism and communism?

A: Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite.



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[dilip kumar]

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's. 

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A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute." 

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[dilip kumar]

A guy was in love
with a girl but
never had the
guts to tell her.

One night around at 10,
he gathered
some courage &
sent her a text
with these
honest words...

"Doreen, I love you,
Plz reply & tell me
how you feel."

A few seconds later
he received a
message alert
on his phone.

He was so scared and
too tensed to open
it that night
so he decided not to
check the message
until the next morning
when he's less tense
and in better senses.

So he went to sleep.

When he woke up
the next day
he prayed seriously
about the message
for good news,
went about doing
his morning chores,
brushed his teeth,
ate his breakfast
took a bath,
dressed himself up then climbed into bed
and picked his phone
to read the message
on his phone.
This was the response
he read:


"Dear customer you have
insufficient balance to send this message. Please recharge your account and try again".

Don't laugh alone!
Share it...

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[Friends just call me Ross]

One good turn...

Spoiler

...gets most of the blankets.

 

[Witness1970]

On 3/14/2015 at 2:23 AM, dilip kumar said:

 

Not signed in

My wife:

 1) is beautiful.

2) has a great figure

3) is Intelligent (on some subjects.  I don't need her to be a mathematician.)

4) gets things done on her own.

5) drives a car well.

6) Cooks great food.

7) and loves me unconditionally.

 

Did I miss anything?  Oh yeah.  Well, we aren't going to talk about those.

[dilip kumar]

An Engineering student attended a Medical exam by mistake.
See his answers...
the last one is ultimate


1. Antibody - One who hates his body .

2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.

3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma - Punctuation Mark .

5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl .

6. Genes - Blue Denim.

7. Labour Pain - Hurt at Work .

8. Liposuction - A French Kiss .

9. Ultrasound - Radical Sound that is above human hearing capacity, such as wife's talk.

10. Cardiology - Advanced Study of Playing Cards .....

11. dyspepsia : difficulty in drinking pepsi.

12.Chicken Pox- A Non-Veg. continental dish.

13.CT Scan: Test for identifying person's
city

14.Radiology- the study of how Radio works

15.Parotitis : information about the parrots.

ULTIMATE-------!!!!!!

16. Urology: the study of european people




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[walkr2]

An Engineering student attended a Medical exam by mistake.
See his answers...
the last one is ultimate


1. Antibody - One who hates his body .

2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.

3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma - Punctuation Mark .

5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl .

6. Genes - Blue Denim.

7. Labour Pain - Hurt at Work .

8. Liposuction - A French Kiss .

9. Ultrasound - Radical Sound that is above human hearing capacity, such as wife's talk.

10. Cardiology - Advanced Study of Playing Cards .....

11. dyspepsia : difficulty in drinking pepsi.

12.Chicken Pox- A Non-Veg. continental dish.

13.CT Scan: Test for identifying person's
city

14.Radiology- the study of how Radio works

15.Parotitis : information about the parrots.

ULTIMATE-------!!!!!!

16. Urology: the study of european people




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[Prov8]

The love story of Kamlesh and Kavita.
Kamlesh and Kavita were both patients in a mental hospital..
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Kamlesh suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Kavita promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Kavita's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Kavita the news she said: 'Kavita, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Kamlesh hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Kavita replied (you'll love this)

Dear Brother...I did not get the reply. Missed the punchline!


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[Tortuga]

32 minutes ago, Prov8 said:

Dear Brother...I did not get the reply. Missed the punchline!
 

" He was still wet so I hung him up to dry"

[Linda Huang]

On 2015/3/28 at 2:09 AM, dilip kumar said:

( forwarded image. No offence Pls)

hahaha, even I am Chinese, I can answer all the 5 questions.

[dilip kumar]

God gifted you are, sister...



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[Linda Huang]

Just now, dilip kumar said:

God gifted you are, sister...



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Sorry brother dilip, I wanted to say "I can't", but by mistake i wrote "I can"

[dilip kumar]

God drifted you are, sister....

( )

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[kejedo]

7 hours ago, Linda Huang said:

hahaha, even I am Chinese, I can answer all the 5 questions.

I worked in a Chinese restaurant and learned a little conversational Cantonese, so that I could witness to the staff.  Last week I had an appointment with a Doctor from Northeastern China, not far from Shanghai. He understood my feeble attempts to speak in Chinese, even though his primary language is Mandarin(ese). I mentioned that I thought many people in Shanghai spoke Shanghai-ese, and he  informed me about  some other languages in that area. At least I got to tell him about Jehovah's Witnesses and that there ARE Witnesses of Jehovah throughout China. HIs medical assistant told me he was very happy to get a patient that was speaking to him in Chinese (well trying to, anyway.) What is your first language?

[pnutts]

My 1st Language is Canadjan, eh. . My wife's 1st language is American.

[dilip kumar]

A new thread can be started....
Shall i start it ?

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[Musky]

50 minutes ago, dilip kumar said:

A new thread can be started....
Shall i start it ?

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Is it the same as this one? If so, there's really no need for another.

[rocket]

Why did the Raccoon cross the road? Our CO this week would say "to attack HIM" In attempting to cross the road the raccoon turned and ran towards the CO as he was driving home from visiting our Cong. The CO hit the raccoon and it tore off a third of his bumper. The raccoon martyred himself. Well the CO needed to call the branch anyway as they own the car.

[dilip kumar]

A woman standing at a bus was tense with her son. People asked what happen? . "He swallowed coins Donno what to do '' Different suggestions given to medical help. "" Eat four bananas it will come out easily ' "take X-ray to the hospital and see ... '' The one who was standing in the crowd took the child and bend Gave back-slapping. Swallowed coins did not come. One of the costumed gentleman Lifted and hold and shook him upside down, and knocked Coin landed out. Wonder everyone saw. She found him with the thank from heart. "You doctor sir? '' "No income tax Officer.Don't I know where to tap to get the money

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[tiredbrickie]

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

 "Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

 O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

 "Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

 O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

[dilip kumar]