A good joke

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From downunder

Just Older

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A cerebral joke...

Just Older

[dilip kumar]

The gas doctor...

Got this video from a friend on what's app.
Posted it on you tube

Can anybody get me the name of the video or the full video

Sent from my Infinix X572 using Tapatalk

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Word play

Just Older

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Public Service Announcement

Just Older

[Tortuga]

2 hours ago, Maʹher-shalʹal-hash-baz said:

Public Service Announcement

Just Older
 

Good thing I have a spare kidney...

[kejedo]

11 hours ago, Maʹher-shalʹal-hash-baz said:

Public Service Announcement

Just Older
 

NEAT

 

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NEAT
 

I got it....

Just Older

[pnutts]

On 10/29/2019 at 7:21 PM, Maʹher-shalʹal-hash-baz said:

 

 

I got it....

Just Older
 

 

Sounds like a new take on line from Gidget Goes Hawaiian.

[Sheep]

Pregnancy Q&A

 

Reasons why I would not make a good obstetrician:

 

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

 

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

 

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

 

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

 

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

 

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

 

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

 

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

 

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

 

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

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Word play

Just Older

[bohemian]

Jokes about white sugar are rare, but jokes about brown sugar... demarera.

 

The three unwritten rules for life:

Spoiler

1.

2.

3.

 

[normadenardo]

6 hours ago, bohemian said:

Jokes about white sugar are rare, but jokes about brown sugar... demarera.

 

The three unwritten rules for life:

  Reveal hidden contents

1.

2.

3.

 

I keep saying demarera. 🤣

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Jokes about white sugar are rare, but jokes about brown sugar... demarera. 

For those (like me) that need a dictionary...

Just Older

[pnutts]

Here we have "demerara sugar" which is medium dark and a "demerara style" which is dark. I like the demerara better.🤤

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In Oz we have white, brown and 'raw'. (Made from sugar cane, not sugar beat as in Europe)
Basically all the same thing...

Just Older

[pnutts]

White, Light Golden, Dark Golden, Demerara, Demerara Style, etc.

[Tortuga]

1 hour ago, pnutts said:

White, Light Golden, Dark Golden, Demerara, Demerara Style, etc.

"A sugar by any other name would taste as sweet...."

Edited November 9, 2019 by Bro Richard

[kejedo]

I am trying to avoid sugar again, as I need to get back on Keto. This is making it incrementally challenging.

[bohemian]

Have you noticed how many Formula 1 drivers are named after Scottish towns?

 

Lewis Hamilton

Eddie Irvine

Stirling Moss

Ayr Town Centre

 

 

 

I have been accused of being a plagiarist!  Their word, not mine.

Edited November 11, 2019 by bohemian

[Friends just call me Ross]

Fasten Your Seatbelts   The rear entrance of the plane opens, two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle.  Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin.   But the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.   The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.   The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.   As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.   At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.   The passengers relax, laugh a little nervously, and look at one another sheepishly. Soon, all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.   In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know, Bob...one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

[Tortuga]

Adam and Eve said: “Lord when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.”

And God said: “I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said: “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said: “I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog.”

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said: “Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”

And God said: “I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”

And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the Supreme Beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat really couldn’t care less either way…

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The English language...

Just Older

[bohemian]

I went into the dvd rental store ansked if I could borrow Batman Forever.

They said no, I would have to bring it back tomorrow like everyone else!

[Qapla]

I went into the store to get a piece of pipe - the clerk asked me "how long I needed it" ... I told him I was planning on keeping it.