A good joke

[Tortuga]

A young devout Christian named David joined a monastery. He worked hard and was eventually allowed to take his vows.

He promised to be free of the desire for possessions, to be obedient and, most importantly, celibate. He was initiated into the holy order and became one of the brother monks.

He was put to work copying ancient holy manuscripts which he did for a number of years.

After some time, having been religiously obedient and celibate, he was elevated to the post of fact checker. He was entrusted with reading the original manuscripts and making sure they had always been copied letter for letter, word for word.

One day the rest of the monks were having lunch and they noticed David was missing. The head abbot went down to the archives to find brother David, and discovered him bent over an original ancient text, sobbing and weeping.

Alarmed, the abbot asked: “Brother David, what is the matter?”

“All this time … all this time …” was all David could choke out.

“David, all this time, what?” the abbot insisted.

“All this time … we’ve been copying it wrong. The word is ‘celebrate’.”

[dilip kumar]

Wicked

[kejedo]

3 hours ago, Bro Richard said:

“All this time … we’ve been copying it wrong. The word is ‘celebrate’.”

I worked with two monks from a NH monastery. New Englanders are known for moving the letter "R" around in local vernacular. Apparently, these co-workers were celebrating more of the masses than the so-called "mass." One direct quote: "Being a monk is a real chick magnet."  

                                                                                                                Y(will refrain from further quoting these sources) S

[dilip kumar]

The quick decision...

Sent from my Infinix X604B using Tapatalk

[dilip kumar]

Plaintiff----is understood as plane thief and as he reacts the judge sees that he is not a proper lawyer.

 

Meaning of Plaintiff 

Noun: plaintiff

|pleyn-tif|

(law) a person who brings an action in a court of law • in common law any degree of contributory negligence would bar the plaintiff from collecting damages = complainant ◑ defendant

[\u00a9 WordWebSoftware.com]

[bohemian]

You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water.

If it sinks - girl ant.

If it floats - boy ant.

[Sheep]

7 hours ago, bohemian said:

boy ant

Ohh... that's... so... bad...!

[dove]

Is it because girl ants can’t swim 😬

[dove]

52 minutes ago, Dove said:

Is it because girl ants can’t swim 😬

What? I really don't get the joke but Sheep made it sound like something not good so I was only defending the girls...😊

Maybe someone could explain?

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

Oh bouy!

Just Older

[dove]

I know with eggs, if they sink they're good, if they float they're not..😊

Edited December 12, 2019 by Dove

[Sheep]

5 hours ago, Dove said:

What? I really don't get the joke but Sheep made it sound like something not good so I was only defending the girls...😊

Maybe someone could explain?

Yes. I'm surprised that not everyone understood it. You see, it's this way...

 

5 hours ago, Maʹher-shalʹal-hash-baz said:

Oh bouy!

It floats because it's a boy ant. It's a deliberate misspelling of the word buoyant.

 

Now are you sorry you had to ask?

 

Edited December 13, 2019 by Sheep

[Tortuga]

Speaking of ants...

Do you know why anteaters never get sick?

 

They are full of antibodies....

[dove]

lol thank you  Eric....☺️

[Qapla]

How do you know that a hot is faster than a cold?

 

 

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

You can catch a cold!

 

 

 

 

[dove]

9 hours ago, Dove said:

lol thank you  Eric....☺️

Should have understood, I raised 3 boy ants...☺️

 

9 hours ago, Dove said:

lol thank you  Eric....☺️

 

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

Meanwhile.... back on the 'ant' topic...

Just Older

[Old]

Years ago, In an effort to teach my daughters good speech habits

I gave them a little speech culminating in "...there are two words I think you should avoid, one is 'awsome' the other is 'gross."

To which my older daughter replied "Sure enough, Dad what are they?"  

Edited December 13, 2019 by Old

[pnutts]

I think we need a groan "like emoji" button

[Friends just call me Ross]

40 minutes ago, pnutts said:

I think we need a groan "like emoji" button

I have several in my ANIMATIONS collection:

 

 

 

 

[1gemstone]

1 hour ago, Friends just call me Ross said:

I have several in my ANIMATIONS collection:

 

 

 

 

Where or what website do you get your animations collection from, I do enjoy your collection.

[Friends just call me Ross]

I have been collecting animated gifs since I first got the internet, wàaaaaay back in 2000.  I had Incredimail, which allowed you to insert animated gifs into your messages.  I now have thousands of them, from too many different sites on the WWW to possibly recall them all.

Just Google animated gifs and you will be overwhelmed with all the sites you can download from.

I even have a few on my phone.

 

1 hour ago, 1gemstone said:

Where or what website do you get your animations collection from, I do enjoy your collection.

 

[Sheep]

Okay, I hope some of you know the answer to this question. I've been trying to figure it out for years...

 

In Ephesians chapter 5, Paul gives some fine counsel to Christian husbands to love their wives as their own bodies. He reasons that no man ever hated his own flesh. At least, it sounds like good advice.

 

So, how come the apostle Paul himself pummeled his body and led it as a slave?

 

 

 

Um... No wonder Paul wasn't married?

[Tortuga]

Dont forget that shepherd's are to treat the flock with tenderness, and how do you tenderize meat? 

[Qapla]

4 hours ago, Bro Richard said:

how do you tenderize meat?