A good joke

[Tortuga]

5 minutes ago, ➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone said:

Is that a 'Brooklyn' joke? Aren't you in CA, Richard?

https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&docid=702017175&srcid=share 😂

 

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

Yep. Brooklyn joke. 🤦‍♂️

[bohemian]

THE STORY OF TWO DIARIES.
Men and Women -  recording things in their diaries.

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.  

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed,  but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour. I don't know why he didn't say,  'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.  He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.  But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.      

Husband's Diary:

A one-foot putt … who the hell misses a one-foot putt?

[Qapla]

20 hours ago, Tortuga said:

The brothers sold DUMBO over 2 years ago...🤣

 

20 hours ago, ➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone said:

Is that a 'Brooklyn' joke?

 

For those who may not get this ...

 

D U M B O  =  Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass

 

It is an area of Brooklyn - a borough of New York City

 

Here is the location of DUMBO - as you can see, the map shows the location of where the WHQ used to be when it was still in the city ... we owned quite a bit of property in Brookly Heights and DUMBO

 

Here is an article that details a number of the properties formerly owned by us -

 

Matt Damon’s Brooklyn Heights condo is in an old Jehovah’s Witnesses building. What became of all these properties? (brooklyneagle.com)

[suitej]

[Sister Twister]

On 2/1/2021 at 11:43 AM, bohemian said:

THE STORY OF TWO DIARIES.
Men and Women -  recording things in their diaries.

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.  

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed,  but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour. I don't know why he didn't say,  'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.  He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.  But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.      

Husband's Diary:

A one-foot putt … who the hell misses a one-foot putt?

soooo Funny Chris

[Sister Twister]

21 minutes ago, suitej said:

I now know this as 'THE JOKE' particularly because of the hilarious delivery

Edited February 2, 2021 by Sister Twister

[rocket]

10 minutes ago, Sister Twister said:

I now know this as 'THE JOKE' particularly because of the hilarious delivery

I don't know which was funnier, the joke or Jean-Marc's fail in telling not being able to keep straight face.

 

https://jwtalk.net/topic/19849-a-good-joke/?do=findComment&comment=796555

 

[Sister Twister]

2 hours ago, rocket said:

I don't know which was funnier, the joke or Jean-Marc's fail in telling not being able to keep straight face.

 

https://jwtalk.net/topic/19849-a-good-joke/?do=findComment&comment=796555

 

The joke didn't even need to be funny in the end , the effort to tell it was hilarious.

[suitej]

The joke didn't even need to be funny in the end , the effort to tell it was hilarious.

The effort to tell it was in fact enormous

Sent from my mobile.

[bohemian]

I won’t arise and go now, and go to Innisfree.
I’ll sanitize the door-knob and make a cup of tea.
I won’t go down to the sea again; I won’t go out at all,
I’ll wander lonely as a cloud from the kitchen to the hall.
There’s a green-eyed yellow monster to the north of Katmandu,
But I shan’t be seeing him just yet, and nor, I think, will you.
While the dawn comes up like thunder on the road to Mandalay
I’ll make my bit of supper and eat it off a tray.
I shall not speed my bonnie boat across the sea to Skye
Or take the rolling English road from Birmingham to Rye.
About the woodland, just right now, I am not free to go
To see the Keep Out posters or the cherry hung with snow.
And no, I won’t be travelling much, within the realms of gold,
Or get me to Milford Haven. All that’s been put on hold.
Give me your hands, I shan’t request, albeit we are friends
Nor come within a mile of you, until this trial ends.

[bohemian]

Just bought a load of old railway buffers on eBay for a bargain price. It was an end of line sale.

[rocket]

Little Johnny liked to hide in the closet when he skipped school. One day his mom brought her boyfriend home when his dad un-expectantly comes home. She had to hide the boyfriend in the closet. Well Johnny was surprised to see him and he was surprised to see Johnny. Dark in here says Johnny, yes it is; Johnny says, hey you know I got a baseball for sale, ya wanna buy it? No thanks bud, I don’t need a baseball, ya know by dad’s outside I could just go…, OK OK fine, how much? $150 bucks.  Alright, sold.

Well a couple weeks later it happens again and Johnny says to the guy, dark in here huh?  Yes it is, what are ya selling this time. I got a baseball glove.  Alright how much? $350 bucks! Fine sold!

Well a couple days later dad says to little Johnny, hey, why don’t you grab your glove and ball and we can go outside and have a catch. Johnny says, I can’t, I sold the ball and the glove.  Well how much did you sell it for his dad says?  $500 bucks! That’s terrible, you can’t overcharge your friends like that. I’m gonna take you to church so you can confess all your sins.

So they go to the church and dad makes him sit in the confessional booth. Johnny says, dark in here huh? The priest turns to him and says, don’t start that crap with me again, you’re in my closet now buddy!

Edited February 4, 2021 by rocket

[Loopy]

Br. Lynn I shoulda saw that ending coming. 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

[Qapla]

Where's the "rolleyes" reaction???

 

[Friends just call me Ross]

🙄

3 hours ago, Qapla said:

Where's the "rolleyes" reaction???

 

 

[Sister Twister]

On 2/3/2021 at 5:46 PM, bohemian said:

I won’t arise and go now, and go to Innisfree.
I’ll sanitize the door-knob and make a cup of tea.
I won’t go down to the sea again; I won’t go out at all,
I’ll wander lonely as a cloud from the kitchen to the hall.
There’s a green-eyed yellow monster to the north of Katmandu,
But I shan’t be seeing him just yet, and nor, I think, will you.
While the dawn comes up like thunder on the road to Mandalay
I’ll make my bit of supper and eat it off a tray.
I shall not speed my bonnie boat across the sea to Skye
Or take the rolling English road from Birmingham to Rye.
About the woodland, just right now, I am not free to go
To see the Keep Out posters or the cherry hung with snow.
And no, I won’t be travelling much, within the realms of gold,
Or get me to Milford Haven. All that’s been put on hold.
Give me your hands, I shan’t request, albeit we are friends
Nor come within a mile of you, until this trial ends.

I can hear you reading that Chris in a dramatic , theatrical voice.

[bohemian]

THE THREE HARDEST THINGS TO SAY

 

1.  I was wrong.

 

2.  I need help

 

3. Worcestershire sauce

[dilip kumar]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

[dilip kumar]

(Mis)fortune cookie

 

Sad after the funeral of a friend, my wife and I ducked into a Chinese restaurant for a pick-me-up. The feel-good session ended when I read the fortune cookie: “You will soon be reunited with a good friend.” – Stanley Heerboth

[Doug]

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, dual-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the place that supplied them.

The man complained that the job was completed a year ago and I still haven't paid for them.

 

HHHelloo - just because I'm blonde doesn't mean I'm stuck on stupid!

 

I told him exactly what his slick salesman told me last year,

"These windows will pay for themselves in a year" he said.

 

HHHelloo - it's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.

There was no response so I finally hung up.

 

I bet he felt like an idiot !!!!

[bohemian]

My dad always told me, “Don’t be quick to find faults.”

He was a good man.

Terrible geologist though

[Rain]

On 2/10/2021 at 6:55 AM, bohemian said:

My dad always told me, “Don’t be quick to find faults.”

He was a good man.

Terrible geologist though

What a good pun! Thanks for the laugh... 😄

Here's another...

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. 🤪

[Lewis]

On 2/6/2021 at 9:06 AM, bohemian said:

THE THREE HARDEST THINGS TO SAY

 

1.  I was wrong.

 

2.  I need help

 

3. Worcestershire sauce

What about this one.

 

 

[Sheep]

8 minutes ago, Lewis said:

What about this one.

 

Download video

 

Well... that's easy for him to say...