Tips On How To Encourage Weaker Ones?

[Sally]

Greetings to all!!

 

I asked the brothers for a list of ones I can call to encourage from our hall.  I am blessed to now have the numbers of a few ones who are either ill, elderly or are discouraged.  I sat down to make my 1st call and it occured to me, what do I say?  What is the best thing to say?  How can I be effective, loving, encouraging, kind and helpful?  I thought, maybe someone learned ideas about this in a school, book or class from the f&ds.  Maybe you have experience in this area that you can share.

 

Your input will be greatly appreciated by many!

 

Sally

[Qapla]

A few questions:

• Are these people you already know?
• Are any of them residing in some type of care facility?
• Are you planning on phone calls, email/mail or personal visit?
• Do any of them attend in person at the Hall? How often?
• Do they listen on the phone on a regular basis?

Each of these things can have some effect on the approach you use.

 

 

[Ahuvah]

Always use a 'benign' approach first ... if someone has been missing for a bit, do some baking, buy some flowers or make a meal and sit down and have a cuppa with them ... ask Jehovah's spirit to open up to you where you can help. 

 

If its someone who is ill but able to use technology suggest a daily text text and a few words of encouragement between the both of you. (I prefer phone texts that aren't going to group - because of the personal interest aspect).

 

If they are going through troubles - financial, illness or similar - invite them to your family worship. If someone has been widowed or is on their own ... go do some personal study out at a park or a beach and invite them along.

[Tortuga]

2 hours ago, Sally said:

I asked the brothers for a list of ones I can call to encourage from our hall. 

What a wonderful thing to do!

It's so easy to sit back and not do anything, It's so nice to see someone that is taking initiative to help others. You will receive a special joy that only comes from putting others first. 

 

Remember to listen more than you talk, use gentle questions to draw them out. Talk about happy things and the things that you love about Jehovah. Share the things that make you happy. Let your joy warm them without burning them. 

 

Love them.

[Ahuvah]

In fact, if one of the four things we need to do as we approach the GT if substantiated by the AGM talks, one of them is to have INTENSE love for one another. What we do now puts that into practice.

Edited October 9, 2018 by Stormswift

[Tortuga]

19 minutes ago, Stormswift said:

In fact, if one of the four things we need to do as we approach the GT is substantiated by the AGM talks, one of them is to have INTENSE love for one another. What we do now puts that into practice.

I think that if you have a chance to talk to any SKE or Gilead graduate, any one that has attended Elder School, CO School or any training school or pioneer school. The overwhelming message is.

 

Love the friends.

[Ahuvah]

We are family - that to me, is a basic thing to do.

[Vinnie]

Hello Sister Sally, I don't think there is  one best thing to say, but here are some of my thoughts. Sorry they are not in any particular order.

 

You could try to get yourself in the same mindset. Put yourself in their shoes. Be Empathetic.  Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.  If you don't get the results you expect. It may take time and repeated visits. Don't give up in trying

 

Let them know that you haven't seen them in a while and you wanted to call to ask  how they are doing.

Ask them how they would feel about a visit.

Just in case, If you do get a chance to visit, don't be alarmed by any wild talk they may say. Just listen without judging. 

 

If they are Ill or in hospital

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101977488

 

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101991162

 

Where appropriate:

Share with them good news from the kingdom hall, or an experience.

Ask them if they need help with anything. Run an errand for them perhaps?

Find out if they are getting meeting by phone line or some other tie in.

Offer to watch something together on JW broadcasting.

Offer to have them just accompany you in field service.

Offer to sit together at the meeting.

Offer to make them a meal to share together.

 

 

[Sheep]

I have a list of the elderly ones in our congregation with their addresses and phone numbers. There are two on the list I have never heard of, since they are not able to come to the hall. When I visited one of them, she said she just couldn't do as much as she used to in service. She says her age has caught up with her. I remembered one scripture I had learned for an occasion like this: Isaiah 46:4. Her face lit up as I showed it to her.

[ReadYourBible]

8 hours ago, Sally said:

Greetings to all!!

 

I asked the brothers for a list of ones I can call to encourage from our hall.  I am blessed to now have the numbers of a few ones who are either ill, elderly or are discouraged.  I sat down to make my 1st call and it occured to me, what do I say?  What is the best thing to say?  How can I be effective, loving, encouraging, kind and helpful?  I thought, maybe someone learned ideas about this in a school, book or class from the f&ds.  Maybe you have experience in this area that you can share.

 

Your input will be greatly appreciated by many!

 

Sally

 

I just said I was kind of in the doldrums and rather than sitting around being annoyed with my circumstances that I'd decided to call and see how they were doing.  I used the congregation list and called the first sister on the list, and we had a very uplifting chat of 10 minute length before she had to scoot away to supper.  So maybe you could do the same.  Each of us is dealing with something different, and rather than wallowing in it (which I sometimes do, well I don't wallow, I stew) I thought I'm just going to call this sister. 

[Ahuvah]

Can I just make a small comment, I remember some years ago ... when my children were small, I was struggling with health problems more than I am now ... and a regular pioneer turned up ... and said blatantly, I'm here to encourage you ... her manner made me feel like I was 'weak' spiritually, I was weak physically, but it wasn't really what I wanted to hear at the moment. Would have been nicer for her to give me a great big hug, and have a cuppa, rather than create an awkward scenario. (She, not long after, left the truth, married a man with multiple wives and was living in a commune as part of a harem last I heard) ... so a word of caution ... having problems no matter their origin doesn't make a person weak ... in fact sometimes we can come across as superior to ones who are struggling, which is really the opposite effect than what we want.

[Sally]

Thank you for sharing that, Mandi.  That's such a great thought to keep in mind.

 

I am so glad that I asked this question. There are so many things to have in mind when interacting with our brothers and sisters for any reason.  I'm just glad I'm not an elder!  It must really be hard for them!!

[Sally]

I did a search for articles on the topic of encouragement.  I found lots of great help and ideas. This thought was particularly eye opening to me:

 

We all need a word of encouragement from time to time. Paul showed that even one who has the responsibility of encouraging others needs to be built up himself. To Christians living in Rome, he wrote: “I am longing to see you, that I may impart some spiritual gift to you for you to be made firm; or, rather, that we may have an interchange of encouragement by one another’s faith, both yours and mine.” (Rom. 1:11, 12) Yes, Paul, who gave outstanding encouragement to others, at times needed to be built up himself.—Read Romans 15:30-32.

https://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/watchtower-study-april-2018/encourage-one-another-all-the-more-so/

 

I am feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of the needs of so many and I am only one person with so very little to give. I feel squashed before I can begin....

 

[GeordieGirl]

27 minutes ago, Sally said:

I am feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of the needs of so many and I am only one person with so very little to give. I feel squashed before I can begin....

 

Don't look at the list as a whole and focus on everyone on it and all their problems  Just pick out one person .. maybe the one you know best, or who's circumstances you are more familiar with and start there - with one person.  Think about that person, what you know about them and how you can help them best.

 

It's like when you have a lot of jobs to do, if you think of everything that needs doing you can become paralysed with the enormity of the tasks and end up achieving nothing, but if you just focus on one thing at a time, before you know it you've achieved heaps.

 

And well done you, for doing what you are doing.  Jehovah will bless you for the love that you are showing for your brothers and sisters.  Galatians 6:10

[A fellow servant]

On 10/9/2018 at 4:51 PM, Tortuga said:

I think that if you have a chance to talk to any SKE or Gilead graduate, any one that has attended Elder School, CO School or any training school or pioneer school. The overwhelming message is.

 

Love the friends. 

Great point Richard!    And that is what has always been encouraged ever since I learned the Truth and long before that.    LOVE THE FRIENDS!        Thanks for bringing that out!

[A fellow servant]

On 10/10/2018 at 7:54 AM, Stormswift said:

Can I just make a small comment, I remember some years ago ... when my children were small, I was struggling with health problems more than I am now ... and a regular pioneer turned up ... and said blatantly, I'm here to encourage you ... her manner made me feel like I was 'weak' spiritually, I was weak physically, but it wasn't really what I wanted to hear at the moment. Would have been nicer for her to give me a great big hug, and have a cuppa, rather than create an awkward scenario. (She, not long after, left the truth, married a man with multiple wives and was living in a commune as part of a harem last I heard) ... so a word of caution ... having problems no matter their origin doesn't make a person weak ... in fact sometimes we can come across as superior to ones who are struggling, which is really the opposite effect than what we want.

Your right Mandi....No one wants to be made to feel like they are someone's protege.   Genuine love can be shown in caring and just taking an interest in someone who wonders , 'does anyone care?'     Everyone of us has the need to be loved.    And even though we KNOW without a doubt Jehovah loves us, to have brothers and sisters who actively show that love is priceless.  Jesus actively showed that kind of love  by making people feel loved and appreciated.   

[Raven]

Simple things can mean a lot to someone. Some of these have already been suggested, but I think they are all good points...Take time to visit them, invite them to have a meal with you, invite them to social gatherings, invite them to Family Worship, or to do the WT preparation, find sincere things to compliment them about, just be a listening ear for them, ask to go in the field service with them, take them with you on return visits or Bible studies, go for a walk in the park with them, etc...

[loveandpeace]

It can be hard at first. I was moved to a congregation with a very large amount of elderly friends whom are often very ill. I try to call them throughout the week. With those whom have been bedridden I go over once a week usually in the afternoons with something small. My mom's boss sells fresh eggs and vegetables, I usually buy a dozen of eggs, some spinach, carrots, beets, or kale and take them that. I will speak to them about how service has been, a recent video, daily activities and inquire about their lives. How they came to know Jehovah, how their lives were as children, ask them how they are fairing with so many changes going on now. Helping them feel comfortable and feel like they have a friend whom will be happy to see them when they return to the meetings really makes a difference sometimes. 

See if another friend wants to join you in this too. It helps when you have some more support. 

[Pavlos]

On 10/10/2018 at 3:54 PM, Stormswift said:

Can I just make a small comment, I remember some years ago ... when my children were small, I was struggling with health problems more than I am now ... and a regular pioneer turned up ... and said blatantly, I'm here to encourage you ... her manner made me feel like I was 'weak' spiritually, I was weak physically, but it wasn't really what I wanted to hear at the moment. Would have been nicer for her to give me a great big hug, and have a cuppa, rather than create an awkward scenario. (She, not long after, left the truth, married a man with multiple wives and was living in a commune as part of a harem last I heard) ... so a word of caution ... having problems no matter their origin doesn't make a person weak ... in fact sometimes we can come across as superior to ones who are struggling, which is really the opposite effect than what we want.

So true! The matter is not just to give an encouragement but also if it's suitable for the moment. In Pr 25:11 says: Like apples of gold in silver carvings Is a word spoken at the right time.

The article in w15 12/15 par. 7 comments: Our words may be just what our hearer truly needs, but unless we discern the best time to speak, their meaning could be lost.

I can lllustrated in my mind like this: The encouragement is like a golden apple but I must learn how to offer it. I have the ability to throw the golden apple on the head of my brother, but I will hurt him! So if I gave an encouragement in a wrong way or a wrong time, yes, I will believe that I have encouraged him but in fact I would cause damage.

In pioneer school we have been told to be very careful when our discussant starts saying "too much" about personal matters, etc. Maybe later he will regret about he didn't control himself and he revealed issues that the elders should know. Propably he will feel like a naked person in front of your eyes and he will close the door of your communication because he feels ashamed. In this case if he starts talking about sensitive issues, stop him and encourage him to talk in an elder. If he did so, again refuse to listen.

[Sally]

Thank you for sharing that insight, Pavlos.

 

Warm regards,

 

Sally

[Zephyr]

On 10/16/2018 at 4:36 PM, loveandpeace said:

It can be hard at first. I was moved to a congregation with a very large amount of elderly friends whom are often very ill. I try to call them throughout the week. With those whom have been bedridden I go over once a week usually in the afternoons with something small. My mom's boss sells fresh eggs and vegetables, I usually buy a dozen of eggs, some spinach, carrots, beets, or kale and take them that. I will speak to them about how service has been, a recent video, daily activities and inquire about their lives. How they came to know Jehovah, how their lives were as children, ask them how they are fairing with so many changes going on now. Helping them feel comfortable and feel like they have a friend whom will be happy to see them when they return to the meetings really makes a difference sometimes. 

See if another friend wants to join you in this too. It helps when you have some more support. 

Awesome regular spiritual vitamin

[DLM]

My elder husband has made many calls to encourage ones. He has mentioned that the way some brothers start the visit is "What can we do to help you?" The visited ones don't know what they need! We (the visited one) just need to know that the brothers know and care about us. He has said that if the brothers carry on a conversation and show interest, then just listen, it will come out what they need. I know for myself being in this care home, I so miss the interchange with the friends at the hall. One couple that comes to see me gets real pushy about doing letter writing or telephone witnessing on a moments notice. I can't do it just like that. Many days I can hardly get out of bed let alone having an upbuilding conversation with a stranger! I'm just so glad to have someone come to see me and bring news of the congregation. Just my 2 cents worth. 

[Meditate!]

Some great info here!

 

As Qapla says, who they are and their circumstances, makes a big difference. Without that knowledge you can't be specific in helping them. However a friendly visit with no agenda is going ot be most welcome.

 

On the other hand, calling someone 'with a plan' without knowing them reasonably well, can have a negative effect. Rather like an elder calling on the group members with a prescription for their 'illness', without talking to them first and getting their trust. Without that you are like the spiritual police and they may feel they must have done something wrong.

 

They may already be feeling bad

 

I applaud your intentions to actually do something for the brothers! 

 

 

[Meditate!]

On 10/23/2018 at 7:42 AM, DLM said:

My elder husband has made many calls to encourage ones. He has mentioned that the way some brothers start the visit is "What can we do to help you?" The visited ones don't know what they need!

that's an insight in itself.... many don't know what they need. A lot of brothers who start missing meetings, often say 'they are tired' or worn out. They 'think' that missing a, or a lot of, meetings is an answer to tiredness. So asking them what they need is not going to get you the answer you expect. They probably think you are there just to get them to the meetings (which may be true) and they already know they should be; but not for the reason you know will help. The spirit is there and the strength too.. 'for the tired one' .

 

Most who miss a meeting (for no good reason) know the mechanics of being a witness.. 'don't miss the meetings' being one of them; it is so often mentioned.

 

On 10/23/2018 at 7:42 AM, DLM said:

 

 

We (the visited one) just need to know that the brothers know and care about us. He has said that if the brothers carry on a conversation and show interest, then just listen, it will come out what they need. I know for myself being in this care home, I so miss the interchange with the friends at the hall. One couple that comes to see me gets real pushy about doing letter writing or telephone witnessing on a moments notice. I can't do it just like that. Many days I can hardly get out of bed let alone having an upbuilding conversation with a stranger! I'm just so glad to have someone come to see me and bring news of the congregation. Just my 2 cents worth. 

That 'well meaning' are not perceiving you and your feelings. They think they are 'fixing you'. No one likes to be pressed into service, let alone when they are 

able.