Worldly friendships

[Girl81]

Do you ever feel guilty about maintaining your deep worldly friendships after coming into the truth b/c your friends are not interested in the Truth yet?

Edited October 10, 2021 by Michelle81

[Amygdala]

There is nothing wrong with being friendly to all. But temper that with who do we choose to be our close companions and who can help us stay on the road to life, and support us making spiritual decisions/goals?

 

Your worldly friends may have heard you becoming a witness, so now you could try and make it a goal to see how to witness to them. You are actually  in the best position to witness to them because you know what interests each person, or know what’s deep in their heart. You can use this as a starting point to ask tactfully questions that can lead to a witness…a solution for whatever is on their mind. Think of which scriptures or subjects might appeal to them, and individualize that.

 

It might spark interest. Be convinced of your own faith. If they accept it, continue trying to build on it. If they refuse and mock your new faith, then it might be easier for you, then, to purposely keep your distance. Then fill that need for friendship with ones in the congregation. Pray for Jehovah to find that support. Be aware of his leadings, because this is when you personally experience how he takes care of you, and feel his support and blessings. 
 

I wasn’t born a witness, so had to really unlearn the culture of the world, such as birthdays, Christmas and being around those whose standards, morals and viewpoints differed than mine, but the more often you stand up for it, the easier it gets…Also spend time in the ministry with the friends, as this is where you build lasting friendships.

[New World Explorer]

2 hours ago, Michelle81 said:

Do you ever feel guilty about maintaining your deep worldly friendships after coming into the truth b/c your friends are not interested in the Truth yet?

I try to be friendly toward people in general, but I choose my close friends from those who loyally serve Jehovah. 

It's a fine balancing act but I am managing..

Only those who serve Jehovah help me to become a better person, so I do not maintain "deep" connections with the world.

The goals of the world and us serving Jehovah are so different, it's hard to connect on same level. 
 

[DarinS]

Friendships are built based on commonalities

love of same things

communication

attending same events

sharing same music

celebrating same events

 

The Bible specifically says they will ‘draw away from you if you do not participate in the same actions’

or 

perhaps they will see your changes and want to learn about Jehovah

 

you just treat them well - politely explain your beliefs - dont draw a line in the sand - do this or else….

be a genuine friend based on BIBLE principles

 

they will decide……

 

there is no specific time frame

 

 

if you shared common things that you stopped doing because of your knowledge that these displease Jehovah - that separation may occur soon after you change to live by Bible principles

 

…if you did not regularly participate together in scripturally improper actions — that separation from your ’Old Friends’ may take longer

 

but in the end it is inevitable - you are now running in an entirely different race than they are in…..

eventually those races will diverge…..Satan owns the other Race

 

be assured Jehovah will care for you and make sure you receive much more (many more friends) from your becoming his…than you may lose by leaving Satan

Edited October 10, 2021 by DarinS

[Qapla]

Most friends talk about the things that interest them. Even when your interests change a "deep friend" will let you talk about your new interest and may even get interested in it.

 

If the new interest is something like trains, woodworking, cooking or other things like that people don't usually draw away from you ... but, when you start talking about Jehovah they often pull away so fast and hard they may even ask you to quit talking about it.

 

If you have to avoid talking about Jehovah to keep a friend - is that "friend" really a friend?

 

Those friendships may not be as "deep" as you think.

 

 

[Girl81]

On 10/10/2021 at 6:20 AM, New World Explorer said:

......

Only those who serve Jehovah help me to become a better person, so I do not maintain "deep" connections with the world......

 

I have to say that certainly has NOT been my experience.  I've learned (and continue to learn) a great deal about kindness, love, mercy, loyalty, endurance, and compassion from the actions, attitudes, and characters of some of my close worldly friends.  I pray they come to Jehovah. ❤️ 

[New World Explorer]

17 minutes ago, Michelle81 said:

I have to say that certainly has NOT been my experience.  I've learned (and continue to learn) a great deal about kindness, love, mercy, loyalty, endurance, and compassion from the actions, attitudes, and characters of some of my close worldly friends.  I pray they come to Jehovah. ❤️ 

How do you deal Michelle with birthdays, christmas celebrations etc .. when it comes to your friends? 

Do they respect you stand? Do they know you're a witness? 

[Girl81]

Yes and yes, very much so. 

[New World Explorer]

21 minutes ago, Michelle81 said:

Yes and yes, very much so. 

I love this reasoning so much Michalle, that's why I find challenging to be friends with those who are not in the truth. 

 

Love Those Whom Jehovah Loves
First, we must love those whom Jehovah loves. When it comes to associations, people are like sponges. We tend to absorb whatever is around us. Our Creator well knows how dangerous—and how helpful—associations can be for imperfect humans. Therefore, he gives us this wise counsel: “He that is walking with wise persons will become wise, but he that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly.” (Prov. 13:20; 1 Cor. 15:33) None of us want to “fare badly.” Each of us wants to “become wise.” Jehovah cannot be made any wiser than he is, nor can he ever be corrupted by anyone. Yet, he sets a beautiful example for us when it comes to associations. Think of it—which imperfect humans does Jehovah choose as his friends?
Jehovah referred to the patriarch Abraham as “my friend.” (Isa. 41:8) This man was outstandingly faithful, righteous, and obedient—a man of faith. (Jas. 2:21-23) That is the kind of friend Jehovah chooses. He befriends such people today. If Jehovah chooses such friends, is it not vital that we likewise choose well, that we walk with wise ones and become wise? W09 8/15
 

[Girl81]

I appreciate your wisdom and kindness brother. 

[New World Explorer]

6 minutes ago, Michelle81 said:

I appreciate your wisdom and kindness brother. 

I got the truth when I was 25 y old. (had many friends in the world)

So I know first hand how difficult and sensitive is the subject of friends. 

But to cut the story short, I have made real effort to make friends in the truth.

I had to be very open minded, and even consider various age groups. 

I am "social" person and need friends, but looking back now, I do not regret making effort in the truth when it comes to friends. 

I was giving public talk in Europe last Sunday, and met wonderful couple ...they said let's create WhatsApp group and keep in touch ..and we did, and do keep in touch.

I am keeping in touch with several members here from the forum as well , they are wonderful. (Jehovah blessed me with many friends, today I got wonderful card via post from someone in the congregation saying how much they love me ..it brought tears to my eyes) 

My challenge today is to "keep in touch with everybody" and give them quality time they deserve, and that's a real challenge in those crazy last days...

[Allabord4Jah]

Good question starting this page.  And good answer's.  This came up last week with an individual I know who is now feeling overwhelmed who was told by other's in the congregation she goes to (zoom) that she needs to attend more of the meetings, get to know the congregation, and make more time for the ministry.  And the co-workers, just keep them as co-workers, and not make them your security.  The sister got mad and is now threatening to leave the truth.  She burst out and told off her teacher (she was an inactive person, who came back last year) to stop pushing her.  She thinks that the sister is pushing her to fast back into the ministry, wanting her to join in (just to meet more friends in congregation) in breakout rooms, And stop associating with co-workers, after work hours, where they go off together on cruises, and other trips.  The sister has her co-worker friend and the co-workers husband comes along on these trips.  They even share a room together with them.  This just happened last month the trip.  She has already planned a cruise with this couple. 

Anyway, I can understand where her teacher is coming from, and I support the teacher (sister that was assigned to help her catch up with the society because she had been out so long).  I myself do not agree with association she has, because last month, before she left.  I heard her co-worker buddy curse and cuss on the loud speaker on her phone.  Then she (the sister) had the gall to tell me "sorry, but she always talks like this."  Does this sound like "good association to you?" 

 

Anyway, I did some research, and I found this WT Study article from May 1, 2007.  Please note the 3 paragraphs that I want to share with her but right now she is foaming at the mouth with anger.  So I have to pick my time wisely. 

 

The article is called "A Lamp To My Foot

 

 What Bible counsel helps us to be balanced in our relationship with our workmates?

 However, there is a clear difference between being friendly toward a workmate and being that one’s close companion. Here is where another Scriptural principle enters the picture. The apostle Paul warned Christians: “Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers.” (2 Corinthians 6:14) What is the meaning of the phrase “do not become unevenly yoked”? Some Bible translations render those words “do not team up,” “do not try to work together as equals,” or “stop forming inappropriate relationships.” At what point does a relationship with a workmate become inappropriate? When does it cross the line and become an uneven yoking? God’s Word, the Bible, can direct your step in this situation.

10. (a) How did Jesus choose companions? (b) What questions can help a person to make good decisions about associations?

¹⁰ Consider the example of Jesus, who from creation onward had a love for humans. (Proverbs 8:31) While on earth, he forged a close bond with his followers. (John 13:1) He even “felt love” for a man who was religiously misguided. (Mark 10:17-22) But Jesus also set clear boundaries regarding his choice of close companions. He formed no close ties with people who were not sincerely interested in doing his Father’s will. On one occasion, Jesus stated: “You are my friends if you do what I am commanding you.” (John 15:14) True, you may get along well with a particular workmate. But ask yourself: ‘Is this person willing to do what Jesus commands? Does he or she want to learn about Jehovah, the one whom Jesus instructed us to worship? Does he or she have the same moral standards that I as a Christian have?’ (Matthew 4:10) As you talk with your workmates and insist on applying Bible standards, the answers to these questions will be evident.

 

I think paragraph 10 answers the questions clearly.  So far this is the best article I've found that would fit with her situation of association outside of work with the co-workers.  But how do I get the point across that she won't get so angry and threaten to go back into the world? 

 

[Amygdala]

It might be best to give the info to the sister assigned to encourage her.
 

In effect it is her decision, and the onus is up to her to get her relationship right with Jehovah. You could encourage her to do Bible reading or mention how Bible reading has benefited you. Stay positive. Maybe have her teacher go over 1 Kings 18:16-40 and ask her what lessons she can meditate on from this account. Talk about Jehovah in a positive way and talk about the blessings of living the truth 100% in your life. Relate experiences. Ask her for ministry if she is open or qualified for it.

[Girl81]

I really benefit from that article Lisa.  Thank you sister! ❤️ 

 

[carlos]

Some years ago we made friends with a couple who are not Witnesses. They are really nice and decent people and have principles they stand for. They are extremely respectful with our beliefs. I love talking with them about books, movies or life in general. He knows a lot about science and knows how to explain things in an understandable way. They have always been very helpful and generous too. They helped us every time we had to do some work at home, they also always offer themselves to take care of our dogs when we are abroad. Of course we have also done the same for them. I would say they are wonderful people.

 

We used to spend a lot of time with them, yet at some point, due to circumstances, we lost contact. Then after a while, I realized how much they were influencing us. It's not that they intentionally discouraged us, but spending so much time with them was affecting our spirituality. When you spend a lot of time with someone, you will inevitably start adopting their viewpoints and attitudes. It's not that we were going to leave the truth but it wasn't helping us to come close to Jehovah. And it affected our choice of entertainment too. But we couldn't see any of this at the time. It was only afterwards that we realized this, when we were doing better spiritually.

 

After a while we resumed contact with this couple. We still meet from time to time. I love and appreciate them, and I very much like to talk with them. But now we are careful not to spend much time with them. Maybe once in several months we have a walk in the woods or have dinner together. That way we make sure they don't influence us too much. And we can always use opportunities to talk about Jehovah. But we have understood, by our own experience, that we should only spend time regularly with those who love Jehovah.

[Amygdala]

I heard it in a talk once said regarding uneven matching (more in regards to marriage than to friendship) that it's easier for one to be pulled down spiritually by a non-spiritual person, than it is to try to encourage that one spiritually. Of course it's not a blanket statement, but after time it can become a weakening process. Perhaps one is fortunate and he/she is able to successfully bring their partner into the truth, but the fact is there are alot of pressures and expectations that come from worldly people that we just don't share, and can't compromise on. If we are not careful, deep attachments could lead to compromising of one's faith without our even realizing it. 

 

We are on a life-saving mission with people, of course. We love people. But we have to be careful that we don't over-estimate our ability to stay on the narrow path because we think we are strong enough to help others. Paul wrote in 1 Cor.10:12 " 12 So let the one who thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall." This advice was given to an established congregation, with no doubt many mature christians already. The apostle Peter fell into this trap. So it doesn't matter if we are new or long time in the Truth.

 

We can't forget Satan also uses people to weigh our faith down. Especially if he knows it's a weakness of our's. We have to be particularly proactive in seeking help from Jehovah if it is particularly challenging for us to give up close worldly ties. Keep praying about the matter, keep up your bible reading and meditation on what you learn, and Jehovah will bless your efforts to stay close to him.

 

But it's reassuring the next verse 13: + 13 No temptation has come upon you except what is common to men.+ But God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear,+ but along with the temptation he will also make the way out so that you may be able to endure it.+

Edited October 19, 2021 by Lieblingskind

[M.J.]

On 10/13/2021 at 3:21 AM, Michelle81 said:

I have to say that certainly has NOT been my experience.  I've learned (and continue to learn) a great deal about kindness, love, mercy, loyalty, endurance, and compassion from the actions, attitudes, and characters of some of my close worldly friends.  I pray they come to Jehovah. ❤️ 

If your pre-Witness friendships are as good as you say, with such spiritual qualities, then they will be drawn to the Truth. ❤️   It's actually very natural for this to happen among friends who share the same value system regarding spiritual qualities. If one sheeplike person is friends with other sheeplike persons (before they learn the Truth) then they will draw into the Truth together...this has been the experience of some in our Life experiences in our magazines. Several friends all came into the truth, in a sort of chain reaction. 

 

@Michelle81Some JW, in their great zeal, cut off all contacts abruptly, regardless of who or how they are, and end up offending old friends and giving a bad witness. If anything, we should become more loving, kind, generous, compassionate, etc. (See reference below)

 

As others have said, once you start engaging more in spiritual activities, it's only natural that it will cause a conflict of priorities with how time was spent with pre-witness friends in the past. But if they are agreeable, then hope for the best. Pray to Jehovah about how to give a good witness, both in actions and words. And how to discern their interest in spiritual matters. ❤️ Talking about Jehovah is a protection. It draws in the right people, and chases away the bad people. But just like Jesus explained in his illustration about the wheat and the weeds, it takes times to figure out who is who....so the application of that illustration was not to rush into preliminary judgement. 

 

“Let Both Grow Together Until the Harvest”

8, 9. (a) Why would the Master’s instructions to his slaves have made sense to Jesus’ listeners? (b) In the fulfillment, how did the wheat and the weeds grow together?

⁸ The Master’s slaves inform him of the problem and ask: “Do you want us, then, to go out and collect [the weeds]?” (Matt. 13:27, 28) His answer may seem surprising. He tells them to allow the wheat and the weeds to grow together until the time of the harvest. That command would make sense to Jesus’ disciples. They would realize just how difficult it is to distinguish wheat from darnel weed. Those with some agricultural experience would also realize that the bearded darnel’s root system usually intertwines with that of the wheat.* No wonder the Master instructs them to wait!

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2010201

 

Footnote

The roots of the bearded darnel become so intertwined with the roots of the wheat that to uproot them before harvest would result in a loss of wheat.—See Insight on the Scriptures, Volume 1, page 1178.

 

[Beyond the Sky]

I had a friend the same age as me, we met in Kindergarten. We stayed friends all the way until we were 14 years old, best friends. He told me that his mom had gotten a job out of state and that they were moving. He got a new cellphone and phone number right before and wrote it on a paper for me the last day before he moved. And guess what? I somehow lost the paper and have never seen or talked with him again.

 

We only ever hung out at school with him being a non witness. But I feel he was my friend more than any JW ever has been.

Edited November 16, 2021 by Beyond the Sky

[Shawnster]

Interestingly, we have a part on this week's mwm about this topic. 

 

Avoid Bad Associations at Work: (7 min.) Discussion. Play the video dramatization Avoid What Erodes Loyalty—Bad Associations. Then ask the audience:

 

What negative effect did bad associations at work have on the sister?

 

What change did she make, and how did that help her?

 

What lessons does this dramatization teach you about avoiding bad associations?

 

We also have a wonderful original song about this topic: I Keep Your Reminders

 

Both videos would be excellent to prayerfully review. 

Edited November 16, 2021 by Shawnster

[AH173]

The treasures part that I had yesterday dealt with this for the 2nd point of talk. 

[Shawnster]

It has been my observation that ones who have strong friendships with non-Witnesses are the ones that are on the fringes of the Congregation.  They never really seem to be in the middle of the Congregation.  They never seem to be the ones that are very strong in the Truth.  

 

If Jehovah is the most important person in our life, then we should always ask ourselves why we would want to draw close to people who do no have that same depth of love for our Heavenly Father.  Some people will say things like "oh, but they are not bad people and they never encourage me to do anything wrong."  That may be true, but how much encouragement do they give someone to actually worship or draw close to Jehovah.  How much encouragement can they really give if they, themselves, are not drawing close to Jehovah?

 

[vern]

As long as you don.t hide your christian identity.  Comprimise standards.

[Tronora]

On 10/10/2021 at 9:22 AM, Michelle81 said:

Do you ever feel guilty about maintaining your deep worldly friendships after coming into the truth b/c your friends are not interested in the Truth yet?

 

I have not grown up in the truth, and almost all my friends were non-witnesses. And I maintained the friendships. Over time, however, we lost contact. For me, it was a gradual process. I got tired of censoring what I spoke about. It felt uneasy praying before eating in their company ... over time, I wanted to be ME around my friends.

 

I moved house a couple of times. That contributed to the process of making new friends in the truth.

Edited December 3, 2021 by Tronora
typo

[Girl81]

5 hours ago, Tronora said:

 

I have not grown up in the truth, and almost all my friends were non-witnesses. And I maintained the friendships. Over time, however, we lost contact. For me, it was a gradual process. I got tired of censoring what I spoke about. It felt uneasy praying before eating in their company ... over time, I wanted to be ME around my friends.

 

I am finding this as well.

 

Nostalgia can be a rope as we discussed in a previous WT.