A good joke

[dozerman5676]

Given a choice between ladders and chutes, I'll take the latter.

[GodlyDevotion]

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

I'd like to see the device it fit into..(if it were real)

Back of a truck by the looks of it...

Older
{still waiting for the 'Wiser'}

[Friends just call me Ross]

 

 

 

[Old]

I found this on Facebook today. No attribution, it was posted by Deric, a longtime friend.

When you read this be sure to remember it is a satire. Imagine a TV talk show called the "Trinitarian Hour" and take it from there:

 

"Trinitarian Hour"

Interviewing Jesus and the apostles:

Trinitarian: Good morning folks. We are very blessed to have with us today Jesus Christ and some of the Apostles. We really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedules to come back down here to earth for this interview. We’re especially excited to have you here with us Jesus. I mean, you are God Himself, which makes this the most exciting interview of my life, because you are so good!

Jesus: “Why do you call me good? Nobody is good except one, God.” – Luke 18:19

Trinitarian: That’s what I’m saying! Tell me, what’s it like not having to take orders from anybody?

Jesus: “I have come down from heaven to do, not my own will, but the will of him who sent me.” – John 6:38

Trinitarian: Excuse me? Are we interviewing the right person here? I was hoping to speak with God. “While he was still speaking, look! a bright cloud overshadowed them, and look! a voice out of the cloud said: “This is my Son, the beloved, whom I have approved. Listen to him.”” – Matthew 17:5

Trinitarian: Whoa! Who’s voice was that?

Jesus: “It is my Father who glorifies me, the one who you say is your God.” – John 8:54

Trinitarian: I think you’re just messing with me Jesus. Surely you told your first century followers that you were God.

Jesus: (Opens bible and shows it to reporter) “Jesus said to her: “Stop clinging to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father and to my God and your God.’” – John 20:17

Trinitarian: Don’t be silly Jesus. We all know you and him are one.

Jesus: “I know your deeds, that you have the name that you are alive, but you are dead. Become watchful,… for I have not found your works fully performed before my God.” – Revelation 3:1, 2

Trinitarian: Wait a minute! You’re Jesus! You don’t have a God. We just have to put faith in your name.

Jesus: “The one who conquers—I will make him a pillar in the temple of my God, and he will by no means go out from it anymore, and I will write upon him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the New Jerusalem that descends out of heaven from my God, and my own new name.” – Revelation 3:12

Trinitarian: We’d like to take a moment to apologize to our viewers. It seems that the trip from heaven to earth has given Jesus a little jet lag. Let’s move on to the Apostle Paul… Good morning Paul. You wrote so many books of the New Testament. Do you have anything you want to say before we get started?

Apostle Paul: “We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you” – Colossians 1:3

Trinitarian: Pardon?

Apostle Paul: “I continue mentioning you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the accurate knowledge of him.” – Ephesians 1:16, 17

Trinitarian: Okay, so listen Paul. Jesus is already a little disoriented, thinking that he has a God over him when we know he is God himself. So if you could, please, try to be a little clearer. Come on Paul, just tell it like it is.

Apostle Paul: “I want you to know that the head of every man is the Christ; in turn, the head of a woman is the man; in turn, the head of the Christ is God.” – 1 Corinthians 11:3

Trinitarian: Okay, forget you. Let’s get Peter over here…. Peter, would you PLEASE look at Jesus and explain him who the Christ REALLY is?

Apostle Peter: “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” – Matthew 16:16

Trinitarian: Now stop that! Tell us the truth. What did you tell your readers in your letters in the New Testament?

Apostle Peter: “He is at God’s right hand, for he went to heaven.” – 1 Peter 3:22

Trinitarian: Grrr!… We have one last Apostle to interview. The beloved apostle John is a favorite for us trinitarians. Tell us John – why did you write your gospel?

Apostle John: “These have been written down so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and because of believing, you may have life by means of his name.” – John 20:31

Trinitarian: Well clearly, we’re not getting anywhere, and something has gotten to each and every one of you. I understand you are all confused, and while I wish I could explain the trinity to you, it is beyond human understanding. Let me end this interview by just saying that what we’ve learned here today is that if trinitarians try to ask questions, read the scriptures, and think for themselves, they might come to a different conclusion. But you don’t have to worry about doing any of that. All you have to do is believe.

 

Edited April 5, 2018 by Old
Mistakenly entered a full name when Deric was adequate

[rocket]

On 4/5/2018 at 5:01 PM, Old said:

I found this on Facebook today. No attribution, it was posted by Deric, a longtime friend.

When you read this be sure to remember it is a satire. Imagine a TV talk show called the "Trinitarian Hour" and take it from there:

 

"Trinitarian Hour"

Interviewing Jesus and the apostles:

Trinitarian: Good morning folks. We are very blessed to have with us today Jesus Christ and some of the Apostles. We really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedules to come back down here to earth for this interview. We’re especially excited to have you here with us Jesus. I mean, you are God Himself, which makes this the most exciting interview of my life, because you are so good!

Jesus: “Why do you call me good? Nobody is good except one, God.” – Luke 18:19

Trinitarian: That’s what I’m saying! Tell me, what’s it like not having to take orders from anybody?

Jesus: “I have come down from heaven to do, not my own will, but the will of him who sent me.” – John 6:38

Trinitarian: Excuse me? Are we interviewing the right person here? I was hoping to speak with God. “While he was still speaking, look! a bright cloud overshadowed them, and look! a voice out of the cloud said: “This is my Son, the beloved, whom I have approved. Listen to him.”” – Matthew 17:5

Trinitarian: Whoa! Who’s voice was that?

Jesus: “It is my Father who glorifies me, the one who you say is your God.” – John 8:54

Trinitarian: I think you’re just messing with me Jesus. Surely you told your first century followers that you were God.

Jesus: (Opens bible and shows it to reporter) “Jesus said to her: “Stop clinging to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father and to my God and your God.’” – John 20:17

Trinitarian: Don’t be silly Jesus. We all know you and him are one.

Jesus: “I know your deeds, that you have the name that you are alive, but you are dead. Become watchful,… for I have not found your works fully performed before my God.” – Revelation 3:1, 2

Trinitarian: Wait a minute! You’re Jesus! You don’t have a God. We just have to put faith in your name.

Jesus: “The one who conquers—I will make him a pillar in the temple of my God, and he will by no means go out from it anymore, and I will write upon him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the New Jerusalem that descends out of heaven from my God, and my own new name.” – Revelation 3:12

Trinitarian: We’d like to take a moment to apologize to our viewers. It seems that the trip from heaven to earth has given Jesus a little jet lag. Let’s move on to the Apostle Paul… Good morning Paul. You wrote so many books of the New Testament. Do you have anything you want to say before we get started?

Apostle Paul: “We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you” – Colossians 1:3

Trinitarian: Pardon?

Apostle Paul: “I continue mentioning you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the accurate knowledge of him.” – Ephesians 1:16, 17

Trinitarian: Okay, so listen Paul. Jesus is already a little disoriented, thinking that he has a God over him when we know he is God himself. So if you could, please, try to be a little clearer. Come on Paul, just tell it like it is.

Apostle Paul: “I want you to know that the head of every man is the Christ; in turn, the head of a woman is the man; in turn, the head of the Christ is God.” – 1 Corinthians 11:3

Trinitarian: Okay, forget you. Let’s get Peter over here…. Peter, would you PLEASE look at Jesus and explain him who the Christ REALLY is?

Apostle Peter: “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” – Matthew 16:16

Trinitarian: Now stop that! Tell us the truth. What did you tell your readers in your letters in the New Testament?

Apostle Peter: “He is at God’s right hand, for he went to heaven.” – 1 Peter 3:22

Trinitarian: Grrr!… We have one last Apostle to interview. The beloved apostle John is a favorite for us trinitarians. Tell us John – why did you write your gospel?

Apostle John: “These have been written down so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and because of believing, you may have life by means of his name.” – John 20:31

Trinitarian: Well clearly, we’re not getting anywhere, and something has gotten to each and every one of you. I understand you are all confused, and while I wish I could explain the trinity to you, it is beyond human understanding. Let me end this interview by just saying that what we’ve learned here today is that if trinitarians try to ask questions, read the scriptures, and think for themselves, they might come to a different conclusion. But you don’t have to worry about doing any of that. All you have to do is believe.

 

 

 

I think that originated with Bob/Robert Angle, a member of this Forum. At any rate that is were I first saw it.

 

https://robertangle.com/ruminations/desperate-trinitarian-journalist-interviews-jesus-friends/

 

 

 

[Old]

Good to know, all credit to Robert. Had there been an attribution I would have included it. Is there a date attached?

[New World Explorer]

5 minutes ago, Old said:

Is there a date attached?

Since this is a joke topic ...

Was it at the Council of Nicea in 325 C.E.?

LOL

 

[rocket]

8 minutes ago, Old said:

Good to know, all credit to Robert. Had there been an attribution I would have included it. Is there a date attached?

 

Novenber 25, 2017.

Edited April 5, 2018 by rocket

[Old]

Just now, Gregexplore said:

Since this is a joke topic ...

Was it at the Council of Nicea in 325 C.E.?

LOL

 

 

I don't think so, Jesus wasn't invited to that council. 

[New World Explorer]

1 minute ago, Old said:

I don't think so, Jesus wasn't invited to that council. 

But he was listening via conference call from heaven, but due to poor wi-fi connection he dropped out, and faulty decision was made as a result big LOL

[Old]

1 minute ago, rocket said:

 

I only see 19 weeks as an indicator.

 

19 weeks? Is that from the book of Daniel? 

19 weeks equals 145 or 145.73 days. Figuring a 'day for a year, a day for a year, that would be equal 3497.52 hours of day years.

Stay with me here, I am trying to grasp the significance..., working on it ... working on...working...

3 minutes ago, Gregexplore said:

But he was listening via conference call from heaven, but due to poor wi-fi connection he dropped out, and faulty decision was made as a result big LOL

Scripture please, chapter and verse.

 

[New World Explorer]

4 minutes ago, Old said:

 

Scripture please, chapter and verse.

 

2 Tim 1:9

This was given to us in connection with Christ Jesus before times long ago..

In case of Nicea ...connection was poor ....

 

 

 

[rocket]

1 hour ago, Old said:

19 weeks? Is that from the book of Daniel? 

19 weeks equals 145 or 145.73 days. Figuring a 'day for a year, a day for a year, that would be equal 3497.52 hours of day years.

Stay with me here, I am trying to grasp the significance..., working on it ... working on...working...

 

Post was edited, look again.

[New World Explorer]

Why are frogs so happy?

Because they eat whatever bugs them.

 

What's a frog's favorite game?

Croak-et.

 

Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?

A frog with hiccups.

---

[Tortuga]

2 hours ago, Gregexplore said:

Why are frogs so happy?

Because time's fun when you're having flies...

[Friends just call me Ross]

41 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

Because time's fun when you're having flies...

Positively BRILLIANT!!!!👍🥇🏆

You just earned a donut.🍩

[Tortuga]

2 minutes ago, Friends just call me Ross said:

Positively BRILLIANT!!!!👍🥇🏆

You just earned a donut.🍩

I stole it from my wife. I'll give her the doughnut. 🍩

[bohemian]

I told a sexist joke last week and now the Feminist Society have my address!  No problem though, none of them can read a map.

[Tortuga]

35 minutes ago, bohemian said:

I told a sexist joke last week and now the Feminist Society have my address!  No problem though, none of them can read a map.

So that's your second one in a week? 

[Omoyeme]

Forwarded: A Muslim trying to comprehend the Trinity from a Catholic:

 

Muslim :  Who is God? 
Christian : Jesus

Muslim : Is Jesus the son of Mary? 
Christian : Yes 

Muslim : Who created Mary?
Christian : God. 

Muslim : Who is God? 
Christian: Jesus 

Muslim : Jesus is the begotten son.
Christian : Yes 

Muslim : Who is his father?
Christian : God. 

Muslim : Who is God? 
Christian : Jesus. 

Muslim : Jesus is a servant of God. 
Christian : Yes 

Muslim : Jesus died on the cross? 
Christian : Yes 

Muslim : Who resurrected him? 
Christian : God. 

Muslim : Is Jesus a messenger. 
Christian : Yes 

Muslim : Who sent him? 
Christian : God. 

Muslim : Who is God? 
Christian : Jesus. 

Muslim: Did Jesus worship while on earth?
Christian: Yes 

Muslim: Whom did he worship? 
Christian: God. 

Muslim : Who is God? 
Christian : Jesus. 

Muslim : Did God have a beginning? 
Christian : No 

Muslim: Then who was born on 25th/DEC? 
Christian : Jesus. 

Muslim : Is Jesus God. 
Christian : Yes 

Muslim : Where's God? 
Christian : In heaven. 

Muslim : How many Gods are there in heaven? 
Christian : Only one God. 

Muslim : Where's Jesus? 
Christian : He is seated on the right hand of his father. 

Muslim : Then how many are they in heaven? 
Christian : Only one God. 

Muslim : Then how many seats? 
Christian : one 

Muslim : where's Jesus? 
Christian: Seated next to God. 

Muslim : How are they seated on one chair? 
Christian : Its only understood by those with the Ghost. You need Ghost my friend.

 

[Hammerhead]

A train engineer in Bulgaria was driving his train reckless and it derailed killing one person. He was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to death be electrocution. The day of his electrocution arrived and he asked for 1 banana for his final meal. He was strapped in the chair the switch was pulled Sparks flew but he was unharmed. An old law said if a person survived an execution attempt they were to be set free. Well he got his old job back, derailed another train and killed two people. Once again he was convicted and scheduled for execution. He asked for two bananas for his final meal. After his two bananas he was strapped in his chair the switch was pulled Sparks flew smoke rose but he was unharmed. He was released and got his old job back. As expected he was driving reckless once again and derailed another train killing 3 people. He was convicted, and sentenced to death by electrocution. He requested 3 bananas and the executioner said "no, let's just get this over with" and strapped him to the chair. The switch was pulled smoke and Sparks flew and no harm came to the engineer. Once again he was released. He told the executioner, "the bananas had nothing to do with your failed attempts. I'm just a bad conductor"

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

A train engineer....

Sent using Tapatalk

I need a 'Thumbs down' or dislike button. Lol. (vomit might be a bit strong)
Bad conductor!!!!????
He wasn't even a conductor! He was an engineer.... Lol
You made me read all the way to the tag line though. 🤮

Older
{still waiting for the 'Wiser'}

[Pjdriver]

9 minutes ago, TonyWenz said:

I need a 'Thumbs down' or dislike button. Lol. (vomit might be a bit strong)
Bad conductor!!!!????

There is a thumbs down,...but I’m giving it a thumbs up. 

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

@loopy posted this in another thread. I liked it so much, I am reposting here

Older
{still waiting for the 'Wiser'}