Joke - Why did....

[Dan A.]

While waiting for the Elder and Servant meeting with our CO to start (we were waiting for Brother Great Tribulation and Armageddon -  you never when their going to arrive), Bother Amaya (CO) asked us to tell jokes or stories. Everyone started to look around - no one was saying anything so, remembering one of the jokes my kids had told me,  I jumped in  and said:

 

Why did Tigger look in the toilet? 

 

Because....he was looking for POOOH!

 

There was an awkward silence, I was getting the "look" from one of the elders until the CO busted out laughing   - good times, good times.....

[warytraveller]

Did you have THIS look on your face after the punchline?

 

 

 

Well, that's too bad; because sometimes that works too.

[1gemstone]

That was funny! lol

[palmhat]

Why did Judas Iscariot object to Mary using genuine Nard on Jesus?

"But Judas Is·carʹi·ot, one of his disciples, who was about to betray him, said:'Why was this perfumed oil not sold for 300 de·narʹi·i and given to the poor?'” (John 12:4&5)

Because he was truly focused on the profits.

[Dan A.]

Seen the movie clip where Jack Black yells "NACHOOOOoooo" and sounds like a 12 year old boy going through puberty at the end? It's was more like that on the "POOOOoooh".......

[Qapla]

My kind of humor ......

 

 

[boodles]

I'm going to be sorry I shared this...

 

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef...

[Hartley]

A man walks into a second hand store with a stuffed dog and asks, "if this was in betters condition, what would it fetch.

A) sticks!

Hartley

[Dan A.]

Why did Judas Iscariot object to Mary using genuine Nard on Jesus?

"But Judas Is·carʹi·ot, one of his disciples, who was about to betray him, said:'Why was this perfumed oil not sold for 300 de·narʹi·i and given to the poor?'” (John 12:4&5)

Because he was truly focused on the profits.

 

[Old]

After the Pooh story I thought all of you needed this:

 

A burglar was practicing his trade in a darkened house, using his flashlight to find his way around when he heard a voice.

 

“Jesus knows you’re here.”

 

He nearly jumped out of his skin, turned his flashlight off and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

 

Just as he pulled the stereo out to disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

”Jesus is watching you.”

 

Freaked out he shined his light around looking for the source of the voice.

 

Finally in the corner of the room his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

 

“Did you say that” he hissed at the parrot.

 

”Yep” said the parrot “I am just trying to warn you that HE is watching you.”

 

The burglar relaxed, “Warn me, huh, who in the world are you?”

 

“Moses” replied the bird.

 

“Moses” the burglar laughed, “What kind of people would name a parrot Moses?”

 

The reply, “The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

 

[Qapla]

A man bought a talking parrot at the store - the store did warn him it had been a "pre-owned" bird.

 

When he got it home and put it in the new cage he had bought he asked the bird how he liked his new home.

 

The parrot said some rather "colorful" words to describe his new cage.

 

The man warned the bird not to talk like that.

 

The bird asked him what he was going to do about it.

 

The man said he would throw the parrot against the wall if he did not keep a civil tongue.

 

The bird replied with more colorful speech.

 

The man grabbed the bird and threw him against the cage so hard it stunned the bird into silence.

 

After the bird recovered he began to call the man a vast array of off-color and derogatory names.

 

The man grabbed the bird and said, "This will teach you!" as he shoved the parrot into the freezer and shut the door.

 

The man got busy and lost track of time and about two hours went by when he remembered he left the parrot in the freezer. He rushed to the freezer and took out a fairy stiff, shivering, barely alive bird.

 

When he placed the bird back into his cage he asked, "What, no comments?"

 

The parrot replied in a shivering voice, "Just one question - what did that Turkey say?"

[Tcvancoops]

Why did the shark cross the ocean?

To get to the other tide....

Hur hur hur

[kejedo]

While standing at the door of a return visit with an elder (around whom I was specifically nervous), I misquoted Matthew 20:28, and told her that Jesus gave his life as a ransom in exchange for "money." She laughed and invited us in and continued to study for quite a while, before fizzling out. Now, I have moved to another state and write her occasionally. I am careful to write down the scriptures correctly.  

[kejedo]

profits vs prophets

[Greg Dent]

It was so cold here yesterday.

 

HOW COLD WAS IT?

 

It was so cold I saw 6 brass monkeys walking cross legged.

 

[un_be_lievable72]

I had to go to the doctor's surgery the other day because i accidentally got a peanut lodged in my eardrum. The nurse pushed my head over to one side and poured chocolate sauce into it, and it came out a TREAT. 

[un_be_lievable72]

The Boss of Dulux Paints has died of hypothermia, whilst trekking across the Antarctic. Medics said he needed a SECOND coat. 

[Musky]

The Boss of Dulux Paints has died of hypothermia, whilst trekking across the Antarctic. Medics said he needed a SECOND coat. 

 

I almost didn't approve your post, it was so bad! 

 

It was a good laugh, thanks!

[Tcvancoops]

What do you call a hooker who likes spaghetti?

A pastatute. *baddum tsh*

[un_be_lievable72]

I almost didn't approve your post, it was so bad! 

 

It was a good laugh, thanks!

Ha ha!

[ronjon]

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the kerb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologised to the driver and said he didn't realise a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

[palmhat]

"...Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

That was great!

[un_be_lievable72]

After Madonna had a tumble at the BRIT Awards, will she be joining the band "Get Cape.Wear Cape.Fly" ??? 

[april]

While visiting his son, a father asked for the password to his Wi-Fi.

“It’s taped under the modem,” 
he told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?

[Tortuga]

What did one frog say to another frog?

 

"Have you noticed how time's fun when you're having flies?"