A good joke

[Qapla]

A husband and wife were writing letters to send out in the mail

 

The husband looked up with a distant, puzzled look on his face

 

His wife ask, "What's wrong, dear - you look lost"

 

He replied, "I just had something on the tip of my tongue and now it's gone"

 

She told him, "Don't worry, give it a little more time and it will come back to you"

 

"I don't think so," he declared, "It was a postage stamp"

 

 

[kejedo]

On 7/28/2020 at 4:13 AM, bohemian said:

I bought a gallon of correction fluid (whiteout).

 

Big mistake.

 OT Bette Nesmith Graham (March 23, 1924 – May 12, 1980) was an American typist, commercial artist, and the inventor of the correction fluid Liquid Paper (not to be confused with competitor White-Out). She was the mother of musician and producer Michael Nesmith of The Monkees.  Y(was in plenty of white-outs in Maine winters)S
 

 

[Old]

I got a fantasic rate on a beach rental. The view was spectactular. Great deck with barbeque, well furnished.

There was only one drawback, the bathroom was a wee bit tight:

 

[dilip kumar]

River  Jordan

A person and his wife went to Israel and decided to pick a boat to see the beauty of river Jordan. When Akpos asked the boatman how much it will cost them, he said $500. He shouted, "No wonder Jesus decided to walk on the sea."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 
 

[bohemian]

BREAKING NEWS! 

 

A man was arrested for completing an origami course backwards.

 

More updates as the story unfolds.

[jayrtom]

34 minutes ago, bohemian said:

BREAKING NEWS! 

 

A man was arrested for completing an origami course backwards.

 

More updates as the story unfolds.

I just have to say that you have been posting some of the best jokes ever (I like them short but with concentrated humor) :Thumbsup: x100

[jayrtom]

On 3/13/2015 at 6:30 PM, dilip kumar said:

The love story of Kamlesh and Kavita.

Kamlesh and Kavita were both patients in a mental hospital..

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Kamlesh suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Kavita promptly jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Kavita's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Kavita the news she said: 'Kavita, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.

I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is that Kamlesh hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Kavita replied (you'll love this)

I know this is old but do you remember what Kavita replied?

[Friends just call me Ross]

13 minutes ago, jayrtom said:

I know this is old but do you remember what Kavita replied?

Spoiler

Kavita replied:  He didn't hang himself.   I put him there to dry.  When can I go home?

I Googled it.  

Now, I kind a' wish I hadn't.  

 

 

 

[New World Explorer]

On 7/6/2015 at 8:26 AM, Snority said:

On 6/27/2015 at 8:47 AM, kejedo said:

PEMDAS is a North American math acronym for the order of operations: Most students have been taught to remember it thus: Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally. My Students learned: Please Execute My Disgusting Algebra Sub.

We challenged our students to create their own acronym. They came up with : Please Eat More Doughnuts At School.

Wow...I have "family" somewhere out there, and don't even know where they are ...LOL  

[dilip kumar]

A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. "They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the man. "It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 
 

[dilip kumar]

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called intothe personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" thedirector asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had fiveyears experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've everheld.""Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said youwanted somebody with imagination.

[➕👇 ꓤꓱꓷꓠꓵ🎵Tone]

I know this is old but do you remember what Kavita replied?

See post #1...

Old (Downunder) Tone

[jayrtom]

16 hours ago, Maʹher-shalʹal-hash-baz said:

 

 

See post #1...

Old (Downunder) Tone
 

 

I can't... Strangelly Br. Dilip had several posts, including that, chopped out

 

But Sister Rosanne has already enlightened me on that

[Friends just call me Ross]

This isn't really a 'joke', just a humorous scanner call Linda/Loopy and I just listened to.

 

Dispatcher:  "A woman's son just called and said his mother is driving without a license.  I checked and she is not valid to drive.  She is on the Big Bay Road heading for Wal-Mart."

 

The officer gets a vehicle description and heads off to stop the woman.

 

*a short time later*

 

Officer: "Alright.  I've got the vehicle but she is not pulling over.  When I tried to stop her she just waved at me."

 

*reinforcements are dispatched to help stop the woman*

 

*a short time later*

 

Officer: "I finally got her to pull over but she refuses to leave her car, keeps turning it on and I keep reaching in and turning it off.  I don't know what to do.  I mean, she's refusing to get out of the car."

 

Dispatcher: "The son wants the car impounded and his mother thrown in jail."

 

Officer:  "Yeah.  Well, that's not gonna happen.  Is the Sergeant available?"

 

*Sergeant comes on and the officer tells him all about his traffic stop woes* 

 

Sergeant: "I didn't get any of that.  Can you repeat that?"  (I'm thinking the sergeant is a cruel man.  )

 

Officer repeats everything and then says, "What am I supposed to do here?  I mean, I don't want to be seen on tonight's news dragging a 90 yr. old woman, kicking and screaming, out of her car..."

 

Sergeant: "Tell her you will give her a ride home."

 

Officer:  "I did.  Didn't work.  She says the only place she's going is to Wendy's to get a burger."

 

*dead air for a few more moments, as every law enforcement personnel with a radio takes that info in*

 

Finally, a lady officer comes on, "Oh.  I am so going to Wendy's and getting that woman a burger."

 

 

As with most scanner chatter, we never did hear how the situation was eventually resolved.

 

But, I can just imagine the scene:  

 

A bunch of police officers  standing on the side of the road, trying to lure a little 90 year old lady out of her car

with a Wendy's Baconator burger.  

 

Officer:  "Step out of the car with your Baconator raised, Mam."    

[Loopy]

Sorry that deserves 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

 

I can just hear the officers when he goes to the station today. Poor guy probably won’t live it down for a while. 

[dilip kumar]

On 8/11/2020 at 1:28 AM, jayrtom said:

I can't... Strangelly Br. Dilip had several posts, including that, chopped out

 

But Sister Rosanne has already enlightened me on that

I didnot do the chopping brother.

 

Even I was surprised when I saw some of the post were incomplete.

 

Probably , Somebody is playing a joke around.

 

😛😛

[Tortuga]

15 minutes ago, dilip kumar said:

I didnot do the chopping brother.

 

Even I was surprised when I saw some of the post were incomplete.

 

Probably , Somebody is playing a joke around.

 

😛😛

I remember that the punchline to the joke use to be there. It isn't hidden so I don't know what happened to it. It's just gone....💥

[Old]

Our local natural gas supplier runs ads on tv: "If you smell a sulphur gas odor call us immediately!"

I wish my wife would quit calling.

It is getting embarrasing. 

We are 100% electric, we don't subscribe to gas service. 

[Qapla]

After the waters receded Noah told all the animals to "Go forth and multiply"

 

The ark quickly emptied - except for two small snakes who stayed behind.

 

When Noah asked them why - they replied, "We can't multiply ... we're adders"

 

Noah immediately got busy cutting down trees and built a large table with the unfinished lumber

 

The snakes were overjoyed when Noah placed them on it - after all ... even adders can multiply on a log table

[kejedo]

4 hours ago, Qapla said:

The snakes were overjoyed when Noah placed them on it - after all ... even adders can multiply on a log table

Made me laugh and relive ancient memories of using my old slide rule to multiply by adding logs.  Many students would wear their slide rule hanging from a belt and pocket protectors (plastic shirt pocket liners) to keep ink from running. Y(doesn't wear math fashion)S 

[Qapla]

Yep - remember the slide-rule well. When battery operated electronic calculators first started in the late 1960's a simple one that could add/subtract/multiply/divide cost $200-$300 and when they added the % key and memory the prices went up!

 

Funny thing was, the school that I was in banned calculators because they said we needed to know how to do the math. We could still use slide-rules, though.

 

Now, calculators have all sorts of functions and they not only teach their use in school, they are required!

[Sheep]

9 minutes ago, Qapla said:

Yep - remember the slide-rule well. When battery operated electronic calculators first started in the late 1960's a simple one that could add/subtract/multiply/divide cost $200-$300 and when they added the % key and memory the prices went up!

 

Funny thing was, the school that I was in banned calculators because they said we needed to know how to do the math. We could still use slide-rules, though.

 

Now, calculators have all sorts of functions and they not only teach their use in school, they are required!

How times have changed, huh?! Anyway, I thought that was funny what you said about calculators. Well... this is the joke thread.

[rocket]

24 minutes ago, Qapla said:

Yep - remember the slide-rule well. When battery operated electronic calculators first started in the late 1960's a simple one that could add/subtract/multiply/divide cost $200-$300 and when they added the % key and memory the prices went up!

 

Funny thing was, the school that I was in banned calculators because they said we needed to know how to do the math. We could still use slide-rules, though.

 

Now, calculators have all sorts of functions and they not only teach their use in school, they are required!

So true! The slide-rule went down the same road as rotary-dial phones. Kids don't know how to use them. Best hope the computers don't go down on a NASA mission.

[Old]

2 hours ago, kejedo said:

Made me laugh and relive ancient memories of using my old slide rule to multiply by adding logs.  Many students would wear their slide rule hanging from a belt and pocket protectors (plastic shirt pocket liners) to keep ink from running. Y(doesn't wear math fashion)S 

I loved my slide rule. I learned to do most all my math on highschool on. Ten minutes on the slide rule and I got to read books for the rest of the period. I loved my pocket protector,made carring three colors of pen plus a pencil easy. In my trade I was one of the first to switch over to a pocket calculator leading to the abandonment of pocket protector, ultiple pens and round slide rule. I have only one slide rule left, an E-6B navigation slide rule and the only thing I remember how to use it for is converting Knots to MPH.  Modern shirts have almost eliminated the useful pocket. Modern shirts, short of aviation designs, have moved the pocket so hgh they no longer fuction as pockets.

[kejedo]

1 hour ago, Old said:

I loved my slide rule.

.

Ah, sweet memories! Sometimes I look online to see if there is an affordable slide rule, but then I remember my tendency towards habituation.

Y(better blogger than a logger)S

Edited August 13, 2020 by kejedo